"Helpful" moms

[Heffernhyphen]

I take the boys (1 mine and 2 I sit for) to Chuck E. Cheese every once in a while for a fun, free outing. I purposely don't buy them tokens for a few reasons: 1. The rides are so lame even with tokens. 2. I hate watching other kids speed around burning through tokens and only visiting Mom or Dad to get a refill. 3. Did I mention I want a fun, FREE outing? Up till now, they've all been quite content with the sky tube, the "show" and exploring the features, token-free.

But lately, other parents apparently take pity on the boys and give them tokens. Now the three year old brazenly mooches tokens from strangers, despite my telling him not to. So today, a mom gave him a token. I asked him where he got the token and she took full blame. I told him not to ask her for any more, and she said, "Oh, I don't mind. He can have more." Then I sent him to time out and asked her not to give him more.

A little while later, my ds was trying to climb up into the sky tube. I've always helped him up in the past, but today I was trying to teach him to do it alone. After coaching him for 15 minutes, I left him on his own and sat nearby to watch. He whined for a few minutes, and then some other mom came over and helped him up.

Sometimes this damn It-takes-a-village thing really gets on my nerves. :

[kerc]

I feel your pain: we never showed my dd that the rides at the mall take quarters. until some jerk put one in for her. ever since she's been begging for quarters...

[Rivka5]

Yesterday I was at the bus stop with my baby, folding up her stroller so we'd be ready to get on the bus. It's not a one-hand fold, so I had put it on the ground to fasten the latch. A woman came up to me and asked, "Do you need some help?"

"No, I have it," I said.

"I had the exact same stroller," she said, "let me help!" She pulled it out of my hands and opened it up all the way.

"I was *closing* it!" I took it away from her and started all over again.

She didn't even look embarrassed.

[angelpie545]

Some people have some nerve...and overstep their bounds. I've had so many people look at my kids when they are having fits and step in and say something to them..oh it drives me NUTS!!!!! They look at me cause I look really young and think oh, poor babies...give me dirty looks go to "help" my kids. I mean I understand if a kid is in danger and the parent isn't doing anything but jeez people need to learn to back off.

[crunchy_mama]

The helpful moms at church always suggest toys and such to occupy Luke. I always think; geez I never thought of that! Then when they give him a toy of course it is exciting, because he has never seen it before. When I bring toys, they are likely to be projectiles.

[srain]

I think it's nice when people mean well. If I don't want assistance, I let them know. Otherwise, I like to see people paying attention to people outside of their own family every once in a while.

[artgoddess]

Uhg! very frustrating. Especially if you live somewhere it winters and you can't take them to the park in the cold/snow as an alternative.

[becoming]

Ew, I hate that, too. We'll be in a restaurant that has those junk/candy machines, and I refuse to use my hard-earned money for things like that. DS knows this and therefore hardly ever even asks, but some old man or a waiter/waitress at the restaurant is inevitably going to come up to him about once a month or so and give him a quarter for the machines. I know they're just trying to be nice, but did it ever cross their mind that maybe I don't want him to HAVE a gumball the size of his head?!

[MommytoTwo]

I also think its nice when people are trying to be nice. They probably dont realize that you dont want them to do whatever it is. Food/candy is a little different IMO. Choking hazards, allergies, whatever. You just dont know. But if someone handed my kid a safe clean toy I would not be upset.

[onlyzombiecat]

I suppose I'd rather people were trying to be nice and helpful rather than just glaring or making a nasty comment. I can see how it could get a little annoying though if it is the opposite of what you are trying to do.

I suppose it is always best to ask first and if someone says no to accept their answer without pushing.

[eilonwy]

If another mom offers my kid something after I specifically ask them not to, that would probably bother me but I don't think I could bring myself to get upset about something like this. Most people mean well. I've offered parents quarters if I had them, and I've offered to help fold strollers. Why is that so terrible?

When someone comes here and posts a big rant about a child throwing a tantrum in public, they often get responses about offerring assistance to a mother in need, rather than turning your back and "tsk tsking" at them; if that's not acceptable, what is?

[`guest`]

I never in amillion years would take kindness from strangers in a bad way. Yes, inwardly I might be annoyed, but seriously, if a person's intention is good or helpful, if you get pissed that's your problem. It's not like you can control the world, y'know. I think that this post gets to me, because I always try to help other mamas and it would suck if that help was thrown back at me. Yes, it does take a village. Be thankful.

[shanagirl]

One day dd and I were waiting our turn at a bakery/cafe and the wait was long. There was also a very elegantly dressed man waiting his turn as well and he seemed to be watching us. After a few minutes, he came over with a plate from the bakery, where he had bought two beautiful cookies for my daughter. He was German and told me he missed his grandchildren back home. We had the nicest conversation while we waited for our tables. I thought to myself later, it would never even occur to me to buy something for a stranger's child and just give it to them. It would feel very presumptuous on my part to do that. But when he did it, I was just so touched. This was three years ago and dd still remembers that moment every time we go in that cafe. So I think the value is in your lucky child experiencing a benevolent world and a person who takes the time to do something nice for them for no reason other than to be nice. I supposed I could have said, well, she's not eating that cookie before lunch, but I simply deeply appreciated the gesture and kindness.

[mirthfulmum]

Originally Posted by shanagirl

One day dd and I were waiting our turn at a bakery/cafe and the wait was long. There was also a very elegantly dressed man waiting his turn as well and he seemed to be watching us. After a few minutes, he came over with a plate from the bakery, where he had bought two beautiful cookies for my daughter. He was German and told me he missed his grandchildren back home. We had the nicest conversation while we waited for our tables. I thought to myself later, it would never even occur to me to buy something for a stranger's child and just give it to them. It would feel very presumptuous on my part to do that. But when he did it, I was just so touched. This was three years ago and dd still remembers that moment every time we go in that cafe. So I think the value is in your lucky child experiencing a benevolent world and a person who takes the time to do something nice for them for no reason other than to be nice. I supposed I could have said, well, she's not eating that cookie before lunch, but I simply deeply appreciated the gesture and kindness.

Such a sweet story. I too have expereinced something similar with my oldest son and it warms my heart that he is being shown a world where people look out for one another and are willing to make the extra effort of demonstrating the importance of generosity to our children.

[MidwifeErika]

Sometimes it can be annoying, but just remember it is the thought that counts! How great is it that these people went out of their way to try to be helpful or nice? I think we need more of that in our lives. I personally get annoyed when my kids are handed balloons as I don't like them playing with them (choking hazzard and I am allergic to latex), but these people aren't trying to set off an allergic reaction in me or choke my kids, they are trying to do something kind to brighten up my kids' day. When I remind myself of that, I can appreciate it much more I let my children appreciate the gesture and then I dispose of the balloons later when they aren't paying attention. No harm done and they get the lesson that there are many kind people out there and they learn how to show kindness to others.

[SneakyPie]

You know, when I feel like this I think it's because we are asked to shoulder SO MUCH responsibility as parents, and asked to accept so much criticism from everywhere, that we start thinking "Fine! If everything is my fault anyway, then at least I am going to try to call the shots as well as I can, in a good way!" So then the outing has to be free, and the child can't use tokens because we don't like how they make kids act (even though we chose Chuck E. Cheese for the outing), and we want this to be the very moment the boy tries the tube independently -- and it's hard to let the world intrude on what we've so carefully built, even if the intrusion comes from kindness. I can see why that stuff would annoy you -- or me -- given the pressure. I can see wanting to choose your own "villagers" too! Hope it's easier for you next time & the PPs have given me good reminders that lots of people have great intentions, even (especially?) when I'm in no mood to accept them!

[ebethmom]

I've been on the flip side of this. At our lovely McDonald's Playland, I run into one family fairly often. The Mom runs the MOPS program at one of the huge Baptist churches here. She's usually with a group of friends. I know how it is when you want to talk to your friends and your very chatty 3 year old needs a lot of attention. So I welcome her dd to come talk to us. Her dd hangs out close to our table and talks up a storm! Her Mom doesn't seem thrilled by this, and tells her dd to leave us alone.

I don't really know if this Mom would rather I *not* talk to her dd. She doesn't ask me not to.

I'm not usually bothered by strangers' offers of help. I usually need it!

The kind of "help" I get at Chuck E Cheese's comes in the form of CIO advice. Um, thanks.

[Lucky Charm]

Considering we have 10 page threads devoted to a society that hates kids and parents, i think its nice to see another mom offer a hand to a child, put a quarter in for a ride.

These things are good, and speak well of a stranger who could chose to give dirty looks or be outright rude.

I am a quarter giver and hand holder. My dad was too.

I also hold doors open too, so the door wont slam another mom in the forehead.

[sunnysideup]

Another mom here who gives quarters and offers to help. It surprises me to hear that someone would be offended by kindness.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Originally Posted by ebethmom

I've been on the flip side of this. At our lovely McDonald's Playland, I run into one family fairly often. The Mom runs the MOPS program at one of the huge Baptist churches here. She's usually with a group of friends. I know how it is when you want to talk to your friends and your very chatty 3 year old needs a lot of attention. So I welcome her dd to come talk to us. Her dd hangs out close to our table and talks up a storm! Her Mom doesn't seem thrilled by this, and tells her dd to leave us alone.

I don't really know if this Mom would rather I *not* talk to her dd. She doesn't ask me not to.

I am the mom who is forever calling her kids away from chatting with other adults -- even other parents. I just assume (I guess wrongly) that my kids are bothering them and that they didn't come to whereever to converse or play with my kids -- they came for their own kids. I just don't want mine to be a burden to anyone else -- not that I don't want the adult to talk to my child.