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"Helpful" moms - Page 2  

post #21 of 36
The people are just trying to be kind, and I don't fault them for that, but I do understand your annoyance, because it's interfering with the values you are trying to teach.

Also, you may not have thought of this, but it isn't a good idea to for children to learn that it is okay to accept "gifts" from strangers without their parent's permission. It's actually a safety issue, because predators often try to lure children with candy or toys or money. So you can teach your children to always say, "Thanks, but I have to check with my mom/dad first." That way you could always tell them they may not accept the tokens or candy or whatever.
post #22 of 36
I know this isn't what you want to hear.

I think it is nice for a stranger to help a whining child climb up the sky tube. "Coach him for fifteen minutes and watch him whine for a few minutes. Nobody help him." ??? I don't get it.

If someone gives the three year old a token you take it away and give them a time-out.
post #23 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by CinnamonDeMarco
If someone gives the three year old a token you take it away and give them a time-out.
:
post #24 of 36
My dd is little, she uses few tokens... I slip them to other children. Unashamedly
post #25 of 36
Thread Starter 
Oh, I'm a hardass, baby. If I tell you not to do something and you disregard my instructions, it's 3 minutes hard time sitting in a booth, watching the dancing rat. Don't mess with me.

Seriously, I don't think it's asking much. I've specifically and repeatedly told him not to take tokens from strangers and now he's honest to God going up to them with his hand out. That's not cool. We can go there and have fun for free, or we can go to the library twice a week instead of once.
post #26 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mama
The helpful moms at church always suggest toys and such to occupy Luke ... Then when they give him a toy of course it is exciting, because he has never seen it before. When I bring toys, they are likely to be projectiles.
Why?! How?! Can a mother ever forget this? Once at church a well meaning woman gave my son some snacks - before I could get to him he chucked them over the railing (we were upstairs). That's why I don't bring snacks for him It's kinda frustrating when people get self-satisfied when they're intervention "works" - but honestly I'd rather have people being too un/helpful than just not noticing at all. I think that's a huge problem and causes anguish and desperation for a lot of mothers - rather than just (sometimes extreme) irritation.

~Eve
post #27 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by kerc
I feel your pain: we never showed my dd that the rides at the mall take quarters. until some jerk put one in for her. ever since she's been begging for quarters...
i was intrigued to see so many recent responses to this thread. I wanted to clarify -- when i said "jerk" above, I meant it with a sarcastic tone -- I appreciate people who are kind to my kids. I really do. i'm just frustrated that my child now knows that rides aren't just for pretend.
post #28 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by kerc
i was intrigued to see so many recent responses to this thread. I wanted to clarify -- when i said "jerk" above, I meant it with a sarcastic tone -- I appreciate people who are kind to my kids. I really do. i'm just frustrated that my child now knows that rides aren't just for pretend.

lol, I remember when my daughter was still in the dark over the rides and some kindly man offered us a quarter and I had the opportunity to laugh and explain she didn't realize they moved yet, before she was inadvertanly educated =)
post #29 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heffernhyphen
Sometimes this damn It-takes-a-village thing really gets on my nerves. :
Really?? I'm sorry you feel this way


I would never be offended at the kindness of another mom.

This has happened to me too at Chuck E Cheese (another friendly mom giving DS a token...although he didn't ask...she just gave... "aw he's so cute" type thing)

I declined, she insisted... "please, let me do this" and I just gently reminded DS to say "Thank you" to the nice Mom.
post #30 of 36
Thread Starter 
To tell you the real truth, I'm sorry I feel this way, too. I often look at other moms and think, "God, she's so nice!" Meanwhile, I'm getting irritated with my kid because I can't get him to eat his lunch or share his train. Some people just don't appear to get irritated, ever. They seem to handle everything perfectly, while I feel like I just end up cranky.

Yesterday I had my boy and the two I sit for (all 2 and 3 years-old). By the time we had run 3 errands, I was snapping at them for banging their feet on the back of my seat and getting flustered because I couldn't keep sight of all three of them in the library (one went missing in the bathroom and I envisioned him in the back of some kidnapper's van). At the same time, I watched one mom with two kids who both had obvious physical problems (one had Down's Syndrome) and another woman who had two kids in her care who were both blind. Both of these women were completely cool and happy.

Maybe I need to give up a little control . . . .
post #31 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by momea
Why?! How?! Can a mother ever forget this? Once at church a well meaning woman gave my son some snacks - before I could get to him he chucked them over the railing (we were upstairs). That's why I don't bring snacks for him It's kinda frustrating when people get self-satisfied when they're intervention "works" - but honestly I'd rather have people being too un/helpful than just not noticing at all. I think that's a huge problem and causes anguish and desperation for a lot of mothers - rather than just (sometimes extreme) irritation.

~Eve
yep,I tried to entertain him wiuth a wipe container last Sunday- it landed 2 pews back. After church someone asked me if he is going to be a baseball player!

I do appreciate it when other mothers have good intention. I guess i should always assume the best, however often I take it as oh, you don't know what you are doing, or you are doing it wrong; I guess that is me being a new mom.
post #32 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heffernhyphen
To tell you the real truth, I'm sorry I feel this way, too. I often look at other moms and think, "God, she's so nice!" Meanwhile, I'm getting irritated with my kid because I can't get him to eat his lunch or share his train. Some people just don't appear to get irritated, ever. They seem to handle everything perfectly, while I feel like I just end up cranky.

Yesterday I had my boy and the two I sit for (all 2 and 3 years-old). By the time we had run 3 errands, I was snapping at them for banging their feet on the back of my seat and getting flustered because I couldn't keep sight of all three of them in the library (one went missing in the bathroom and I envisioned him in the back of some kidnapper's van). At the same time, I watched one mom with two kids who both had obvious physical problems (one had Down's Syndrome) and another woman who had two kids in her care who were both blind. Both of these women were completely cool and happy.

Maybe I need to give up a little control . . . .
I have been "accused" (complimented, maybe?) of being one of those mothers who is always cool and collected with her kids in public. It's not quite true... I just find that I really do better with the kids when we're outdoors. I remember one time in particular when BooBah was newly walking (probably just around 10 months) and BeanBean was 2.5, I took the kids to the park and they just ran and climbed and went wild. I was calm, cool, and collected the whole time, I just followed BooBah about two feet behind her and called to BeanBean every minute or two. Another mother said, "I could never be so brave, how do you manage to take such little kids to the park and stay so relaxed?" I almost fell over laughing; I had taken them to the park in the first place because they were driving me *insane* in the house. I really feel like even if I"m having a bad day I'm a better parent when we're not in the house. I'm not really sure why this is, but it even applies when we're in the car.
post #33 of 36
Quote:
I would never be offended at the kindness of another mom.
I'm not offended by a lot of stuff that seems to offend other people either.

We took DD to Shakespeare in the Park on May when she was 2. For some reason she stripped off her clothes and was dancing about on the blanket after dark. And she was getting tired, too. She fell over and started crying, so I took my naked toddler away from the people to help settle her. It was a bit chilly and I was cuddled under a blanket wearing polar fleece and jeans. But she had dancing about and really moving. I knew she wasn't cold. But this old german grandmother came over and she was so horrified and so trying to be helpful. Please... she said... do you have blanket for baby. It's cold, it's chilly, she need clothes.

I smiled at her and said - she's OK. She's tired now and she needs to snuggle in with me. She took her own clothes off earlier.

She kept insisting and shaking her head at me. She even asked if I had a husband. I just smiled and thanked her and told her we were here with many people and had blankets and she really wasn't crying b/c she was cold. I kept smiling gently about her concern and telling her we were fine.

I told DH the story and he was really pissed. He said he would have put her in her place, German grandmother or not had he been there. Especially after I'd told her she was fine.

But I'm still just touched by the story. She was this cute old lady who was really concerned about a strangers naked kid. I knew she didn't have all of the information and I *knew* my DD was fine, and not cold. I tend to see these little interventions as blessings that the world isn't going to hell in a handbasket! That we still care about each other. I really don't feel judged and I don't DO a lot of judging.
post #34 of 36
Quote:
I really don't feel judged and I don't DO a lot of judging.
that's great.
post #35 of 36
Thread Starter 
That is a great way of looking at things. I hadn't realized until right now, but I am 100 % sure my perspective was completely changed the moment my neighbor turned us in for child abuse because our boy is so little and I breastfeed, blah, blah, blah. One day she ran up one side of me and down the other telling me how hard it is for her to have to explain my parenting to her friends who go in her house telling her that my son is outside with only a diaper on.

When another parent "helps" I suppose I translate that into a judgement. No wonder it makes me cringe!
post #36 of 36
Yes it is rather annoying ...
I dont know whay other parents feel the need to step in. I think they all best mind their biz.
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