Feelings of PPD, anxiety

[gabysmom617]

Hello, I have a 5 month old son, and last month, I went to a counselor who told me that I should go to a psych to see if I have PPD.

Does PPD also include anxiety? and panic attacks? Maybe of things that don't seem to have anything to do with the baby?
As in, if I watch something on TV, sometimes I obsess about it for days. Like if I saw a true life murder mystery, (like, Forensic files or something) it will takes days for me to be able to walk into my house and not need to look under the bed and in the cabinets and closets and in the bathroom to make sure there is no one there.

I used to do this when I was a kid, now I find myself doing it again. I have to start going back to the way I was as a kid and just not watch anything disturbing on tv, because I obsess about what I watch. It's like, if I happen to be scanning the channels, and I discover that I am watching something disturbing, I have to very quickly turn the channel, because if I get into the show the slightest bit, I'm hooked and have to watch it to find out how it ends.

The worst it ever got was when I was watching "Inside the mind of a serial killer" on e! while I was visiting my mom with the baby and I was just constantly panicing all night long as my baby slept beside me. Eventually I just got so scared that I woke my mom up at 2 am and asked her to sit in the living room so I could sleep knowing she was there. I was so embarrassed. I am a 24 year old married women with a baby, I shouldn't have to do this! I apologized to my mom the next day for it until she got tired of me apologizing. I used to have this problem well under control, but now for some reason, it is worse than ever before.



I scored a 90 on the PPD test.
I know I need to get help for this, but somehow the days just slip by, one after the other, and somehow i just never made an appointment with the psych. Maybe I'm afraid he is going to tell me there is nothing wrong with me, and I am just normal, and just looking for something to complain about, or looking for attention.

I don't know.

[loudmama]

PPD CAN manifest itself as anxiety. That's why it took me 6 months to realize I had PPD. Now I know I have general depression & anxiety as well. Call your care provider to talk to them. Therapy &/or medication can help. Take care of yourself. You deserve it!

L

[gabysmom617]

If it's not to personal, how did your anxiety manifest itself postpartum?

If that is too personal of a question, I understand, you don't have to talk about it...

[Gale Force]

Originally Posted by gabysmom617

If it's not to personal, how did your anxiety manifest itself postpartum?

This is something I have written about my experience. I have the copyrght, so assume I can quote (and it's not very long):

I insisted that the front door of the house stay closed so that people could not see in through the screen door. My rationale was that if someone came to the door and I did not want to speak to them, I did not want to feel obligated to do so. If the door was opened, I would obsess on the door all day and worry about who might show up. One day I was sitting in our bedroom at the top of the stairs when my mom came over. She left the front door open and came upstairs. From the rocker upstairs, you could look down and see the door. I noticed it was open. “The door’s open Mom, I don’t want anyone to see me up here!” She shut the door.

My concern over the front door was exceedingly irrational. The front door opened to a very small stoop and shrubbery. Someone would have to walk directly to the door to see in. Furthermore, they would have to squat down and look upstairs to see me sitting in the rocking chair. I am not sure that any of our friends regularly squat low enough to accomplish that task. I was absolutely irrational in trying to protect myself from people. But the closed door helped me feel safe. I knew that if someone knocked, I could choose not to answer. Keeping it closed was an important structure for me.

In addition to keeping that door closed, we took our walks in off-hours. My mom and I would take Frederick out to a neighboring community college and to the downtown area. In both cases, we went in the evening when the students were gone and when the stores were closed. We typically walked at dusk when there would still be a few people to feel like the area was safe and when there was still a bit of daylight, but not so many people that I would be bothered. One night we tried walking on the track at the community college with all of the walkers and joggers. The regulars were very friendly and you could hardly go to the track without someone trying to engage you in conversation. I felt anxious and claustrophobic. We never went on the track again.

[newcastlemama]

Originally Posted by gabysmom617

Does PPD also include anxiety? and panic attacks? Maybe of things that don't seem to have anything to do with the baby?
As in, if I watch something on TV, sometimes I obsess about it for days. Like if I saw a true life murder mystery, (like, Forensic files or something) it will takes days for me to be able to walk into my house and not need to look under the bed and in the cabinets and closets and in the bathroom to make sure there is no one there.

I used to do this when I was a kid, now I find myself doing it again. I have to start going back to the way I was as a kid and just not watch anything disturbing on tv, because I obsess about what I watch.
.

My father said that even as a small child I was very sensitive to my surroundings, including things on TV, too. I am still that way to this day. My brain is like a sponge and so I just don't let myself take in the horrifying stuff. This is just my unprofessional opinion, but I think that certain personality types and people who are senstive are at more of a risk for depression and anxiety because things effect us more easily. I have been analyzing why I got ppd lately and I am beginning to wonder if the stress of a new baby (plus all the other massive changes in my life in the past 2 years:marriage, moving, lack of money) just put me over the edge. After I had a baby, it was like all my old coping mechanisms I used to fight fear and depression didn't fit into my life as a mother anymore. For example, I would just go jogging alone or go visit a friend for lunch for 2 hours if I started feeling down. If I was really stressed I would also play guitar alone. Well, we both know that spontaneous alone/friend time doesn't happen a lot when you are a mommy.
I have noticed a MAJOR improvement since I started using my opportunties alone for personal and spiritual growth. I used to think I needed to work 24/7 since I was a homemaker...now I know that is unhealthy and impossible!!! When Jack takes a nap I read, eat lunch in peace, call my friends, sleep ect. I also take time to excercise and don't feel guilty when my husband takes over so I can take a nice shower alone or whatever. I have realized that I can't get everything done everyday and that maintaining physical and mental health is a neccessity for me and my family.
These are just my thoughts and I hope they are helpful to you. I do NOT think that you are just looking for attention ect..It is great that you are getting help and telling others how you feel.

[gabysmom617]

YES! I used to have similar feelings. I breastfeed my baby exclusively, and I felt like I need to be with him constantly for 24 hours. I still have to fight this sometimes. Right after I feed him sometimes, if we need to get something from the store, my husband tries to coax me to get out of the house for a few minutes and run to the store while he keeps the baby till I get back. I feel majorly guilty every time I do this. It used to get to the point where I rushed in and out of the bathroom cause I was afraid my baby might need me.
I also feel majorly guilty if there is a situation where I have to pump a bottle for him, like today when I went to the dentist while my husband kept the baby in the waiting room.

Sometimes I feel like I lack the motivation to do anything. Like even little things for myself, like, do my hair, put makeup on. Sometimes I just don't care.



So today, I will make that appointment. Thanks for letting me vent here for a little while, you guys!