DD was born 6 weeks ago and i'm having a few problems with reactions. I know it isnt my problem when people react negatively but it really hurts my heart. It seems that women insist on devalueing my experience. When friends read my birth story some have said that they dont believe it or that my memory must be foggy. One went so far as to say that it sounds like a fairy tale and therefor cannot be true since birth is no fairy tale without an epi. What they are reading is the same story in my signature and what i do remember no fog included! This really hurts my hearts that they feel they have to be so negative. I have had a hossy birth and an epi. Ive seen both sides of the coin and dont put down their birth. Why would i do that? I dont put down my first birth in the hossy.
On top of that i feel like i dont have the right to be proud of my homebirth. I feel ashamed that i panicked. I feel sad that had a doctor been there i would have done anything to get her out. I feel ashamed that i doubted my body and felt something was wrong. I know that when they asked if i wanted to go to the hossy i adamantly said no. But i feel like i wimped out emotionally. Linked to this is the fact that i didnt get my calm and quiet water birth i had envisioned and literally dreamt about. Instead i was on all fours and delivered on my bed, which i believe now is the only way i could have delivered without assistance. But is that me just making an excuse? Ive done a little research and read that only 3% of natural births are persistantly posterior, but still. I feel gyped and everytime someone makes a negative remark it takes a little bit more away from the birth i worked and loved so very hard for. The empowerment i gained seems to be slowly chipped away from the women in this society. Its to the point that i fear telling people about my homebirth. I so badly want to share with them the love and joy of the experience but am fearful of yet another bad comment.
Deep down i know none of their comments matter. I know that it changes nothing. But how do i teach myself to be proud of something so amazing? sometimes i just want to tell them to shutup. And that i did something the way i feel the creator intended it to be. But im not sure that will make me feel any better, if not spiteful lol! Is this something i just have to tell myself is ok to be strong and open mouthed about/ Or do i be quiet and let them think my birth was less then it was?
On top of that i feel like i dont have the right to be proud of my homebirth. I feel ashamed that i panicked. I feel sad that had a doctor been there i would have done anything to get her out. I feel ashamed that i doubted my body and felt something was wrong. I know that when they asked if i wanted to go to the hossy i adamantly said no. But i feel like i wimped out emotionally. Linked to this is the fact that i didnt get my calm and quiet water birth i had envisioned and literally dreamt about. Instead i was on all fours and delivered on my bed, which i believe now is the only way i could have delivered without assistance. But is that me just making an excuse? Ive done a little research and read that only 3% of natural births are persistantly posterior, but still. I feel gyped and everytime someone makes a negative remark it takes a little bit more away from the birth i worked and loved so very hard for. The empowerment i gained seems to be slowly chipped away from the women in this society. Its to the point that i fear telling people about my homebirth. I so badly want to share with them the love and joy of the experience but am fearful of yet another bad comment.
Deep down i know none of their comments matter. I know that it changes nothing. But how do i teach myself to be proud of something so amazing? sometimes i just want to tell them to shutup. And that i did something the way i feel the creator intended it to be. But im not sure that will make me feel any better, if not spiteful lol! Is this something i just have to tell myself is ok to be strong and open mouthed about/ Or do i be quiet and let them think my birth was less then it was?
to you mama! Your birth story is amazing and beautiful! I am so sorry that other people are being so insensitive and rude in thier comments.
ed how when you realized you *had* to give birth your instincts kicked in and did just what is needed.
PS it is normal in transition for some women to panic a little, there is a lot happening in a very short time! You did great. Never be ashamed, but be a light for others to follow... 
Such a relief to hear what everyone is saying about transistion! 
