My awesome MIL passed away in August, just shy of her 28th anniversary to my FIL. It was quite a shock and happened really fast, and FIL said that MIL would be his only companion on the earth (of course this was within a week of her death). They were together since they were 15/16 years old, so FIL doesn't really know life without her.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, when FIL says that he's been hanging around a single divorced woman with children from church. He says they're just talking and there's nothing going on, but he wanted to be upfront with us to let us know exactly what was happening in case somebody started saying something untrue about their relationship. Part of it was the kids needed a father figure in their lives, and FIL was happy to help out, and also have a female adult to talk to again.
I didn't think much of this, but earlier in the week, we were going to have dinner with him and some other family members. DH's grandpa wasn't feeling well, so we cancelled. DH found out that FIL spent the evening with this other woman, and DH felt betrayed, like he's actually dating her and will probably end up with her (his thought was we still could have had dinner with just him without everyone else, but he spent the evening with her instead). He's NOT okay with his dad getting remarried, or even dating another woman. I am fine with it personally, but of course she's not MY mother that passed away, and I don't know how I would feel if the situation were turned. I want DH to be happy, and I also know that FIL needs to be happy and deserves happiness, and his children's approval to move on if this is what he wants. I don't know what to say to DH when he brings the subject up. I brought it up once or twice, but learned my lesson quick, and will only talk about it when DH says something first.
It's only been 4 months, so it is still really fresh to my DH. I tend to move on quickly from these life-altering events (I have the occasional sad moment here and there, and I got sad on Thanksgiving when she wasn't there), and I know DH will always have an empty spot in his heart and will always be sad on Mother's day. But I want him to be able to have love for a possible step-mother, and be happy for his father if he does decide to date or remarry. Is this even possible? What kind of response should I give my DH if he brings it up again? Or should I just be a sounding board and not offer any opinions about the subject?
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, when FIL says that he's been hanging around a single divorced woman with children from church. He says they're just talking and there's nothing going on, but he wanted to be upfront with us to let us know exactly what was happening in case somebody started saying something untrue about their relationship. Part of it was the kids needed a father figure in their lives, and FIL was happy to help out, and also have a female adult to talk to again.
I didn't think much of this, but earlier in the week, we were going to have dinner with him and some other family members. DH's grandpa wasn't feeling well, so we cancelled. DH found out that FIL spent the evening with this other woman, and DH felt betrayed, like he's actually dating her and will probably end up with her (his thought was we still could have had dinner with just him without everyone else, but he spent the evening with her instead). He's NOT okay with his dad getting remarried, or even dating another woman. I am fine with it personally, but of course she's not MY mother that passed away, and I don't know how I would feel if the situation were turned. I want DH to be happy, and I also know that FIL needs to be happy and deserves happiness, and his children's approval to move on if this is what he wants. I don't know what to say to DH when he brings the subject up. I brought it up once or twice, but learned my lesson quick, and will only talk about it when DH says something first.
It's only been 4 months, so it is still really fresh to my DH. I tend to move on quickly from these life-altering events (I have the occasional sad moment here and there, and I got sad on Thanksgiving when she wasn't there), and I know DH will always have an empty spot in his heart and will always be sad on Mother's day. But I want him to be able to have love for a possible step-mother, and be happy for his father if he does decide to date or remarry. Is this even possible? What kind of response should I give my DH if he brings it up again? Or should I just be a sounding board and not offer any opinions about the subject?
