Things we don't say to our children

[mamabeca]

I got this idea from someone's blog (remaining anonymous because I haven't asked THEM if it's ok : )

What are some things you (or your dp) do NOT want to say to your children, in your house or out and about:

I'll start with CLEAN YOUR ROOM

[the_queen]

We never say "naughty", we say "done the wrong thing" or "behaved innappropriately" or something similar. We've always used the words appropriate/innappropriate so she completely understands what we mean (she is 4.5 yrs old).

My mother always used to say "Well! You never know what you'll find until you look for things!!" in a really really sarcastic voice ... so I never say that. In fact I try not to be sarcastic or mean in any way, because that is how my parents spoke to me and I hated it.

[Nature]

"Clean your plate!" or "You have to eat your vegetables before dessert!"

[Marsupialmom]

I tell my kids to clean their rooms. I just don't tell them to clean it or I will beat their A**. Actually that I will beat your a**. Or "Go get me a belt." Well unless they are going to wear it. LOL

[3ncountin]

" because I said so" : My mom used to say that to me all the time or "because I'm the parent thats why"

[jayayenay]

Originally Posted by 3ncountin

" because I said so" : My mom used to say that to me all the time or "because I'm the parent thats why"

Omg, do we have the same mom? Ugh.

[johub]

how bout
"Eat your dinner or your will be having it for breakfast".
Dh still remembers those days from his childhood.

[ashleyhaugh]

my dad always used ti say "do as i say not as i do" when i would point out that he was doing stuff he told me not to do... i NEVER want to say that when i have kids

[UnschoolnMa]

Hmm, there are several I think.

We don't say:
Clean your room (Well, I tell Ds if I think his is scary dirty, but it's not my thing lol)
Because I am the parent...that's why.
No dessert until after dinner.
One more bite
Do your homework
Do your chores
You aren't leaving the house wearing that...

And the list goes on and on I am sure.

[lilylove]

Originally Posted by 3ncountin

" because I said so" : My mom used to say that to me all the time or "because I'm the parent thats why"

Not only did my mom say that too, but she actively encourages ME to say them!!! gross

[SunRayeMomi]

how bout
"Eat your dinner or your will be having it for breakfast".
Dh still remembers those days from his childhood

:

awww! yes, we had this too. For the "because I'm the parent, that's why" thing:
I realize that is bullcrap. That's not productive at all! it makes me giggle sometimes, especially when I think back on all the we did. This is what I say to dd: "I'm not asking you to because I want to be mean to you, I'm asking because I want to make sure you are safe/clean/happy/loved and this is me showing my love for you" etc. Something clicks in her when I say it. She feels validated and we move on from there
I'm thankful for my mother in that she sees my approaches and praises me for their ingenuity, and wishes she had thought of them when she was raising us.

[AAK]

Originally Posted by SunRayeMomi

:
"I'm not asking you to because I want to be mean to you, I'm asking because I want to make sure you are safe/clean/happy/loved and this is me showing my love for you" etc. Something clicks in her when I say it. She feels validated and we move on from there

I try this too, however lately dd (almost 6 now) will come back, "that isn't what I mean, I want a REASON". If there is a reason that I can articulate simply, I will tell her it. Sometimes that doesn't work and I have resorted to "I have tried my best to give you a reason, but really I am the mom and this is a decision I have made" which to me sounds a lot like "because I am the parent and I said so". I never wanted to let it go to that, but sometimes it really is just a decision. It is rare though.

Amy

[luckylady]

I hate you.
You're bugging me.
Why did I ever HAVE kids?
clean your plate or you will sit here until midnight.
because I said so.
Are you stupid or something?
You can't...

and God help me, I will not mimic my children in a snotty tone of voice - belittling them with their own feelings or words.

I do ask my daughter to please clean her room, but she is a tidy little person who likes things in order - it would be different I am sure if it was a battle.

[SunRayeMomi]

Last night I picked up dd from her father's house (he doesn't parent her). He said, "put on your coat, it's cold out" she already had on a warm hoodie, so she refused the coat. He insisted. she refused again. and so on for a minute or two. There was a room full of people there, so I didn't want to get into my parenting ethics with him and the way WE do it, so I just said, "If she gets cold when we get outside, she'll be glad to know she has the coat as an option" and that was that. why the struggle, buddy? She knows you're her dad, you don't have to convince her that you're her boss too! she typically is rather hot-blooded and needs little clothing to be comfortable, even in winter, but he wouldn't know that because he doesn't know her that well....

[fizzymom]

Have to add:

"What's wrong with you?"
"How many times do I have to tell you...?"
"Why can't you...?"

Hearing stuff like this just makes growing up SO much fun.

[Mearaina]

"Don't talk so dumb (or stupid, or crazy, etc.)" - just because we have different opinions

[spirit4ever]

: Wow, I've said a few of these things....especially the "one more bite" just cause he's a picky eater, but if he says no on the first "one more bite" I just make sure he's sure and take the plate away.

I got my dinnner cold in the morning for breakfast when I didn't finish it

I really have to watch what I say...
My dh also..he calls me a looser sometimes..sarcastically..and ds I think is picking it up, I think its time for a talk :

[Mere]

"No dessert until you finish all your dinner"

We don't usually have dessert, but even if we did I wouldn't say it. Not that this stops any of my in-laws from saying it to dd at every family dinner : .

[LeftField]

"Oh, it's broken...", when it's really not broken at all, rather the adult no longer wants the child to use it. Not only is it a lie, it's just incredibly insulting to the kid.

[choli]

"You're so stupid it's not funny"