Anybody here been hospitalized?

[crazydiamond]

I'm afraid I will be. I want to call my doctor and tell him EVERYTHING but I am afraid they'll hospitalize me and take DD away. I SHOULD probably be hospitalized, I'm that bad off. But I'm afraid the stigma, what people will think, that my family and co-workers will hate me even more. I'm just afraid of people finding out.

If you have been hospitalized, what was it like? How did you handle other people's questions? Could you keep it a secret? Did you want to?

Sorry for all the questions. I think that I would be better off just dead than deal with the embarassment. Not logical, I know, but I need some hope that I will have some shred of dignity left after it's all over. I'm sensitive to what people think and I don't think I could handle things being even worse than they already are.

[newcastlemama]

I was hospitalized

oops!!posted twice!!

[newcastlemama]

I was hospitalized

I was hospitalized last year for ppd because I was sooooo depressed that I was not eating or sleeping for 6 days..you can imagine the trip one gets on when you don't sleep for 6 days.
I went to the emergency room and then they gave me a total physical exam and then sent a mental health evaluator in. This happened in California so I don;t know what happens in other states. They 51/50 me (I was "detained" by the state) and I had to go to a mental hospital for a 72 hour evaluation. THEY DID NOT TAKE MY SON AWAY..HE EVEN GOT TO VISIT ME TWICE A DAY WHILE I WAS THERE. Do whatever you need to do to get well...tell your dr how you feel so you can get better. Just so you are prepared..there are some very "different" people there. Some are wayyyyy out of it and you will probably have a roommate (they leave the doors open though). Some people are not so out of it though and they are nice to share with. You will be put on meds (You do have the right to refuse them I think though). You won't be allowed to have any sharp objects, shoelaces, ect..

About the embarrasment thing, I have just kind of made it my little joke. Like, there are some weird/odd folks in my family and out of them all I end up in the mental ward! My dad ended up there this year (for 2 weeks) because for the first time in his life at 55 he had a manic episode...except he was taken by the police because he was dancing in a parking lot in the city with his shirt off telling people he was God. Anyway, I am not embarrased, it was just a bad time for me. Everyone needs some type of help--people go to rehab all the time. There are lots of people who need help who never get it...I make it an effort to tell people I went to a mental ward so they know that everyday normal people can end up there. (I am even going to share this in front of my church to teach about not judging mental illness)And if for some reason I don't want people to know I just tell them I was hospitalized, most people don't know that means at a mental facility. They just think I was at the Community hospital. It's none of people's business anyway if you do go.Please pm me if you need to talk more and want to privately.Love and prayers, Jennifer
PS.You can also admit yourself to a hospital if that is something that you think you need to do. They even have public ones, but I would try and get into a private one of possible...they are usually bettter, but not always.

[crazydiamond]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, newcastle! I'm so glad they even let you visit with your son, that is so encouraging! You seem so strong now and you give me inspiration that this dark cloud will lift. I knwo that when I eventually feel better I won't be so embarrassed by it, but right now I'm just feeling very vulnerable. I just don't want judgments from people, I can't take that right now. And I know there's some people out there with the Tom Cruise-style of thinking. . .I hope if they find out they just keep their mouths shut. I know my family and immediate co-workers will probably be supportive (as best as I can tell) so I guess that's all that really matters.

I called to make an appt to see someone and am just waiting for them to return my call. Hopefuly she'll be able to see me soon. My city seems to have a shortage of psychologists plus with the holidays, I can't seem to find anyone who'll take me.

[newcastlemama]

I am so glad that you are getting help....you will get better!! I am getting off meds soon and I was a a mental hospital a year ago! I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself!!!! I actaully got to visit my son whenever I wanted because I threw a total crying fit when they told me there was limited visiting hours (1-2 hours per dayjust a little tip . If you end up staying somewhere, bring books that you love and that are encouraging. I brought a picture of my son in my Bible and that helped a lot.
There seems to always be a shortage of mental health professionals especially during the holidays (my dr told me he gets lots of calls this time of year)

What matters is the people who love you most. When Tom Cruise people start judging I just ask them if they ever gave birth...that usually shuts them up.
Jennifer

[newcastlemama]

One other thing....I see that you are bfing in your signature. They gave me some meds that you absolutely CANNOT bf on. You may not need these because you seems pretty with it (I had psychosis). There are antidepressants that you can BF on as long as the dosage isn't really high. Jennifer

[Brinda]

I haven't been,but my mom was, and her PPD had progressed into bi-polar disorder. When she got the correct diagnosis, it just came to finding the right medication. Sometimes you need it.

[DanAbimytwomiracle]

As long as you are getting treatment and have not harmed your child they should not call CPS. And getting the help is critical. you can also go through your OB/midwife or call directly to the local hospital with a psychiatric unit. But the better recommendation is to go to a true psychiatric hospital for the best treatment.

You are doing a terrific thing by recognizing your need. Good job, mama.

[crazydiamond]

Thank you everyone for your support. I talked to my OB today and told him everything, after feeling hopeless and not knowing where to turn. He said that I really should go to the ER tonight after work. I'm scared to do it, but I don't know where else to get help. After months of trying to get a therapist to call me back, and meeting waiting lists and the like, I'm just at the end of my rope. I hope they'll set me up with someone and then let me go. . but I'm afraid they're going to want to keep me overnight.

[Ruthla]

I was hospitalized for depression, but not while I had a baby. The first time was when
my girls were 3 and 4 years old and already weaned. The next time was shortly before I got pg with DS.

Going to the ER was far scarier than anything else that happened after that. It was very nice to just "be taken care of" for a few days. My life was very much out of control and I needed a lot of help getting back on track. The girls were in foster care for a few months because I was on so many drugs (prescribed) I couldn't properly take care of them even after I got out of the hospital. Then I moved in with my parents, got the girls back, and found a GOOD psychiatrist who medicated me without overmedicating me.

My second hospitalization was probably avoidable- had I been able to get the help I'd needed for several months before hand it might have been managable as an outpatient. However, I didn't have insurance, the clinic psychiatrist was practically useless, I finally took myself off Lithium and had the dr's in the hospital adjust my meds which the clinic dr then continued me on. Actually, the clinic dr was uncomfortable with the combination of meds they'd put me on in the hospital, and weaned me off of one with the intention of starting me on another, but then I felt better being on no drugs at all so I stayed drug-free for a while.

My depression got bad again when DS was about 20mo, so I went to a psychiatrist and started taking Prozac (which I'm still on now.) I could have easily wound up in the hospital again if I hadn't found a competent dr.

[Gale Force]

A good friend of mine has had major depression for years. She called me once from the hospital to visit her there, so my only experience is as a visitor. I was so naive -- I took her a jar of potpouri that I made. "Sorry, ma'am, she's not allowed to have glass." She checked herself into the hospital regularly because she felt safe there. There was nothing in the room that she could harm herself on. She was observed regularly and went to individual and group sessions.

She also did an outpatient program where she went in for intensive individual and group therapy -- for hours each day, but returned home at night. So that's an option too that is available some places.

She was concerned about the stigma too, but had no choice at the same time. Honestly, though, I don't think it mattered to her friends. We knew she had a problem with depression and it's nice to know that she was able to get help and feel safe.

Best of luck this evening.

Amanda

[newcastlemama]

Leila,
It is soo frustrating to wait for a therapist to call back or tell you their next appointment is in three months....yeah! I will just try and get happy until then!!! Everything will be okay....the ER can be very scary...most likely they will have you evaluated to see if you are either unable to care for yourelf/a danger to yourself/ or danger to others...(you only need one) They are also outpatient things like Gale Force said. Why don't you bring a friend or family member with you to help comfort you. I have 4-6 people there with me in the ER!!!I will be praying for you..LOVE, Jennifer

[Khadijah]

I agree momma you should get help. I committed my own self to the hospital, and it helped me alot. Please dont let your PPD get worse than it already is.I hope it gets better for you.

[kimmie-pooh]

This is the first time I've read this thread and I noticed this all happened about 3 weeks ago. I hope everything is okay. If you around, I'd love an update!

[crazydiamond]

Thank you girls so much for checking up on me. I'm doing okay these days. Been seeing a therapist 2x/week and am now taking Zoloft, though it's too early to tell if it's doing anything yet.

I have a lot of unresolved issues, such as being raped at 13. I thought I had taken care of these issues over the years, but growing a baby and given birth has really brought out some those old feelings. We'll be addressing those slowly over my sessions, but for right now we're focussing on helping me *now*. I've done good. . .haven't self-injured in a few weeks, despite the urge. Still have a lot of anxiety, but hopefully the meds will help with that.

So there ya have it. . .not doing great but not doing too badly either. I'm certainly doing much better than I was. And thankfully I haven't needed to be hospitalized. But if it came to that, I've come to terms that things would have still been okay.

[Gale Force]

Leila -- That's great progress. Thanks for the update.

[kimmie-pooh]

Thank you so much for posting your update. I'm so happy for you!

And things will continue to get better. I've been taking my new med for about 4 months now (the med before this one didn't work) and I'm still amazed how 'normal' I feel.