Originally Posted by sally Z
is there a hit the nail on the head smilie? I really feel it is my own anger that is making me react to dd the way i do. I copied the reply and am saving it to re-read as i need it. thanks sledg
That's so true for me. How we feel inside affects everything. Getting the anger under control is so important.
It's one reason I am always posting about connecting --having fun together and joking around. Closeness and connectedness comes first, and then the team work can follow. It's hard to get people to work together when they don't feel like they are part of a team, or if they are always feeling upset about things.
When I play Scrabble, or watch a movie, or share some hummus (we both love it) with my 16 yr old, for instance, we are together in a way that's simply pleasant and not about whether he can take the car whenever he wats...lol. Relationships have to have a pleasure factor, not only be about arguing and guidance. We can chat about interesting things, politics, books we've read, movies we hate or love etc without having to hash something out all the time. Later, when I need him, I think he responds better because we already have a relationship history, iykwim. He's emotionally intense, so he needs that connection.
And remember, nobody really enjoys cleaning up and doing stuff (well, some people might, but mostly it's not fun to put clothes away, wash floors etc). Kids esp aren't so interested as they aren't as affected by not having clean underwear.
I find, fi, that we can get a lot of clothes folded while we are watching a movie together. We sort as we fold, and when it's over, unless everyone is asleep, I just hand small piles of clothing to the child it belongs to. My 6 yr old likes to put one set of items away at a time. So I'll had her all her underwear and then she will come back for her shirts etc. This way it doesn't feel so overwhleming. My teen puts away the towels, because he's the tallest and the linen closet is hiiiigh up. It's broken up into small, manegable chunks, which is how I function best--my dh is a tackle- the- big- job person, but the kids have inherited my break-it-down personality.
It's amazing how much can be put away with 6 people putting stuff away together at the same time. Same with clearning groceries out of the car, if everyone strong enough takes two, it's one trip. For smaller things like unloading the dishwasher, this morning I made hot chocolate and as it was cooling, the kids unloaded the dishwasher. They had to get the mugs out anyway, so as I was wiping the counter, I told them it was a good time to unload and they did and I asked them to hand me the heavier items that need to be stored in more tucked-away, higher places. No biggie. Unloading is one of their agreed upon tasks, but it made sense to remind them at this point, rather than call them away from another acitvity later. Does it bother me they need reminding? Not at all. It would be a total waste of my energy to get angry about that.