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help me stop yelling - Page 11

post #201 of 203

Sorry that my reply was short -- I was running out the door and didn't have time to complete the thought. What I meant was that when someone says that the child says they don't have to clean up, and therefore the parent doesn't have to make the child dinner, that that didn't seem like a consequence, since it's an empty threat -- the parent is going to cook a meal for the family and the child will probably eat it. 

I am sorry you felt judged, I was simply offering my opinion about what is defined as consequences as opposed to traditional punishments. Withholding food or other necessities is totally different from refusing to help clean up, unless the parent is physically unable to clean up themselves (or in the case of a teen, if the teen is able to fix their own meals). Your later example does make a lot more sense and in fact I say things like that all the time -- if you help me with X Y and Z I will have time to play this game with you. That doesn't always work though.

Here is some more about natural consequences:

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/influencing%20kid%20behavior/naturalconsequences.html

http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/rue_kream2.html

http://www.naturalchild.org/marshall_rosenberg/protective_use_of_force.html

 

I think if you choose to use punishments, call them that. I'm not saying you're wrong for doing what you do, I just want it to be clear to others who might be interested in the techniques you present that they are punishment/reward-based, although they don't involve physical force or yelling.

I think the OP was asking for things to help her deal with not getting her needs met, and you were offering your ideas, as were so many others. We are all on our own time, so I appreciate that. 

Hope you all have a nice day.

post #202 of 203
Ok, first of all, breathe. Second, realize that the little people living with you are children. They live, learn, and do based upon the example we, as patents, set. Thirdly, if you are not a single parent, your spouse should be picking up the slack in the housekeeping department. After all, we are not meant to have children so they can be our "maids". Yes, children do need discipline and structure. No one debates that, but....you must recognize that you are here for them, not the other way around. If you chose this path, embrace it and suck it up! Beyond keeping their grades up and making their beds, your children owe you nothing!
post #203 of 203
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmama22 View Post

Ok, first of all, breathe. Second, realize that the little people living with you are children. They live, learn, and do based upon the example we, as patents, set. Thirdly, if you are not a single parent, your spouse should be picking up the slack in the housekeeping department. After all, we are not meant to have children so they can be our "maids". Yes, children do need discipline and structure. No one debates that, but....you must recognize that you are here for them, not the other way around. If you chose this path, embrace it and suck it up! Beyond keeping their grades up and making their beds, your children owe you nothing!

great post i agree with most of what you said with the exception of the importance of "good grades" which is just my opinion on that subject:P But i would like to say that it is more difficult being a single parent.. breathing helps and the awareness that our children are little people who are not our maids, who deserve the same amount of respect as adults if not more:)

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