|Children are somehow less than adults
I don't believer they are lesser in their humanity. I do believe that they have less knowledge and understanding of the world than I do, and that it is part of my job to impart that.
I also will frankly admit that I do not believe that children are "inherently innocent and social." I think children are inherently loving, but also inherently self-interested. I think people (not just children...people) have both darkness and light in them, and I do believe part of the "job" of society, culture and law is to help modulate the darkness.
I also do not think anarchy is a workable order for society. I am curious if any of you espousing the total noncoercion model consider yourselves anarchists (using the political definition here). It would be consistent, I think.
As for this "who said what" bit...here is what yoopervegan said she would do in the "Grandma" example:
|I think it has been stated over and over that we would not just "do nothing" if our child neglected to thank a gift giver in the way we feel is appropriate. What I would do is to thank that person for dd. End of story. I would not "bring it up later". I would not have numerous discussions on manners. I would not punish her. I would not point out her "shortcomings" in front of the gift giver. i would not give a "look" to let her I know I do not approve or make her guess what I expect.
Actually, I would consider this "doing nothing." More exactly, "doing nothing specific to address or call attention to the behavior," I guess. To me, the thank you in this situation would just be part of normal, everyday adult-adult interaction (of course you thank others) and it seems to me that the child might not even notice it. I don't know if *you*, aira, would do it the same way yooper would, but I had the idea you were operating under the same general principles.
As for "inciting", well...those of us on the other side have been chastised for making our children into demoralized parrots who will never comprehend true gratitude, and it has been implied that we understand nothing about GD (who defines GD, anyway?) So I think there have been some strong implications on the other side as well.