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SAHMs - are you stressed? - Page 2

post #21 of 62
Yup stressed here too.

Between taking care of a 2yr old and being treated like a 2yr old when it comes to money, yeah it's pretty stressful.

Oh yeah, living on a base full of "mainstream" women, no adult contact for the sake of my sanity...mommy wars abound on a base....and I'm not into that....

Oh yeah I gotta shovel the driveway later....
post #22 of 62
Stress can also come from anxiety. I have a pretty good set-up here, though DH is away 3-4 days a week & we have no family close by. No help with the house, but we plan to work that into the budget this summer.

Even though I have my healthy beautiful children, am married to my soulmate, and we finally found our dream house...I sometimes seem to wake up feeling like my whole body is clenched. I worry about things that really don't merit the kind of attention I give them, and I'm just crackeling with stress.

Usually, it's a lack of sleep, not eating enough healthy foods, having had a cup of coffee (sadly, I can't tolerate it as I used to) or sugary foods. I just feel miserable. I've learned to treat it like I would the flu...rest, fluids, nourishing foods, soft music, and not expecting to get *everything* done *perfectly* until I feel better.

Sometimes, though, it's the strain of trying to keep up the myth that I have everything together, and am doing just fine, thankyouverymuch. Since my family is concerned that our four children are too much work, and will ruin my health, I feel compelled to disprove them. I feel I can't be candid, or honest about how sometimes it *is* hard, but I have no regrets, etc. Also, since my neighbors think that I'm the earthy birthy bread bakin' mama who does it all with a baby on her back....well, I'd like to live up to that. It kills me when I 'fail', and buy the school lunch, forget to sign a school paper, am late driving DD to piano lessons, the neighbor sees the dirty kitchen floor or the piles of laundry I'm folding. It's like death by a thousand cuts, because I think people are *waiting* for me to stumble, so they can be smug. I'm pretty sure that most people are into their own lives, and really could care less about me, my kids, or my freakin' whole wheat bread! But still, I do it to myself. So yes, you can create your own stress too...*especially* when things appear perfect!
post #23 of 62
Oh, and I forgot to add that sometimes my stress is increased by the guilt that I am "not grateful for what I have, and how far we've come" when I am feeling stressed, thus kicking off the stress/guilt/stress/guilt cycle.
post #24 of 62
It's all relative. Being a SAHM is hard b/c you don't have a 15 min cofee break or bathroom break. It's constant on-duty day and night. If I'm lucky I can go grocery shopping by myself in the evening.

I *wish* I had housekeeping help!! My 4yo (almost 5) is homeschooled so no break there. She tried preschool and I found it too hard to rush her to school and then pick her up again. Homeschooling is much less stresful for me to be honest.

It was really bad for awhile when dd1 was having behavior/sensory issues and dd2 was vomiting 8-10 times a day and tube-fed, and I had PPD. Now THAT was bad. I guess I'm thinking I'm living the good life now that the PPD is gone, Dd1 is growing up, and dd2 is doing so much better.

I think having young kids is stressful, period.

I know full time working mamas and they are stressed, too. They have to come home and rush to make dinner and clean and catch up with the kids. One mama has a young baby who still wakes up at night a few times and she still has to get up and go to work the next day.
post #25 of 62
OMG My DH pulled that "you really should be grateful for what you have" bullcrap when I asked him if I could be more involved in the financial decisions!
post #26 of 62
I no longer spend time questioning why another person is stressed. I *used* to do that with a family member, and for the life of me couldnt fathom where her *stress* was coming from. She lived in a house her parents put a huge down payment on, she didnt have to work, and if anything was needed her parents paid (and they lived with them too). She didnt take the kids to and from school, I could go on and on. Yet, she was terribly stressed and I couldnt understand why, because in my head, if I had my mom and dad with me and my dad to take the kids from school, if i didnt have to worry about money.....I would be thrilled. But, people are different and whats stressful to some isnt stressful to another.

I am one of those people who find staying at home *not* to be stressful. But thats *me*. I find my job in the emergency room to be stressful, stressful enough that a few weeks ago I cracked/broke my molar from clenching my jaw so tight
I worked in an open heart ICU where I cracked 4 teeth at once and had to go to an oral surgeon for a significant repair to save the teeth (saved 3, lost 1!).

I dont think the OP is making a judgment per se as much as an observation. I could see why one person in one situation can look at someone else and wonder why the hell they are complaining (not that i am condoning it, just discussing!).

FTR I found frequent nightwakings the hardest part of the whole gig, and my mood and outlook improved greatly when the babies slept through the night (and mine all did by 14 months, with my youngest going all night by 4 or 5 weeks!).
post #27 of 62
Yeah, I can understand how that could be stressful. Even with the "ideal" setup as far as housecleaning, money, and babysitters are concerned, some people are just more prone to stress than others. Some people need uninterupted sleep more than others.
post #28 of 62
I am so stressed that I asked for hypnotherapy stress management sessions for Christmas.
post #29 of 62
I'm not stressed, I should worry about money more then I do, definately have things to stress about but I leave the worrying to DH. Of course I have bad days, dd is going through a difficult phase right now, but generally I'm pretty laid back.
post #30 of 62
I'm stressed. I'm a single mom of three. From the outside, things probably look fine. The kids are doing great, we have a nice home and car, we're healthy, etc. etc. etc. BUT ex has decided to just pay what *he* thinks he should in childsupport (not nearly enough!), when he feels like it (not often enough!), AND he thinks that I should be able to take care of all of the bills with it - the mortgage, the car payment, insurance, etc. *Everything* we went into together, he now thinks I should take care of on my own, on waaayyyyy less than half of what we used to bring in. Therefore, I'm faced with a foreclosure notice on the house, Chrysler Financial calling every five minutes asking where the car payment is, and on, and on, and on. So yes, even though things probably look rosy on the outside, I'm stressed.
post #31 of 62
Marissa, I would be stressed too
post #32 of 62
Stress is my first name ....how I would love to be your SIl for a week ..id be cured.
I do all the cleaning alll the child raising ..all the decision making ..cooking, errands,,,should i go on....SO helps with taking out the trash and dirtiing dishes...
post #33 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetbaby3
I no longer spend time questioning why another person is stressed. I *used* to do that with a family member, and for the life of me couldnt fathom where her *stress* was coming from. She lived in a house her parents put a huge down payment on, she didnt have to work, and if anything was needed her parents paid (and they lived with them too). She didnt take the kids to and from school, I could go on and on. Yet, she was terribly stressed and I couldnt understand why, because in my head, if I had my mom and dad with me and my dad to take the kids from school, if i didnt have to worry about money.....I would be thrilled.
Thrilled in some ways, sure. But I would find it very stressful to be so dependent on my parents, as an adult. I would question my coping skills, my independence, everything. And I would get stressed out setting normal boundaries with my parents because I'd be afraid of offending them.

I
post #34 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtwice
But I would find it very stressful to be so dependent on my parents, as an adult. I would question my coping skills, my independence, everything. And I would get stressed out setting normal boundaries with my parents because I'd be afraid of offending them.
Funny you wrote this, as it was my conclusion (eventually). I began to look a bit closer and realized she was in fact terribly dependent, and had always been. Just a few months ago, the furnace went, and her husband (my husbands brother) was in florida visiting his mom, and she had to call her parents home from a motor home trip because of getting a new furnace (Whats up with that). And she *does* have poor coping skills, and never has been independent at all, even in a spiritual sense.
post #35 of 62
Heck ya! I sah during the day, and work a part time job at Target nights and weekends. We have no support system where we live, as we just moved here and I haven't built a network yet. It's just me and dh, all alone.
post #36 of 62
sweetbaby3, have you ever read The Millionaire Next Door? (I think that's the one...) It talks about the adult children of the wealthy who grow up dependent on their wealthy parents for extra money for the best house, private school tuition, etc.
post #37 of 62
I am not stressed now (ok with the exception of the Holiday Helper thread but that is a good stress ).

I was stressed prior to this move when I was working a full time job at home, on top of my SAHM gig. That was awful and I think it made us miserable (although the money was nice). I have de-stressed now and I find we are all MUCH happier when I am a SAHM.
post #38 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by dukeswalker

I guess I was just felling a little "what could you possibly be stressed bout!?" after talking to her. Her dh gets up with the kids in the AM before he goes to work so that she can sleep in - he makes breakfast every SAt...etc...

I guess my question to you is, Why wouldn't a SAHM be stressed?
post #39 of 62
Quote:
It's all relative. Being a SAHM is hard b/c you don't have a 15 min cofee break or bathroom break.
That's true. I can't imagine there are many out-of-home jobs where you have to attempt to go number 2 with your boss squirming and screaming on your lap, trying to get under your shirt to eat (well, I would HOPE nobody has to experience that... ). I'll bet there aren't too many jobs where your lunch break consists of making lunch for several other people, then cleaning the floor, the dishes, the hands and faces of your co-workers, and - if it was a real distaster of a meal - giving them all a bath and a change of clothes.

That's the main problem with being a SAHM. You get NO breaks. If you're sick, you have no sick days. You get no vacation days. And forget playing hookie! It's a 24 hour a day job. I like to joke that my kids sometimes take shifts for crying. As soon as one stops, the other starts. Sometimes, we just have a bad day. And yes, it can be very high stress. Sometimes when DH comes home, I'll pass the baby to him, tell him where he can find DD and mention that she has a poopy diaper, and I'll run a bath and hide out for an hour or so.

Most of the time, it's not overly stressful. But it's definitely the hardest job I've had.
post #40 of 62
No. Thanks to the Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline book, I can say that I'm not freaking out nearly as much as I used to. "The moment is as it is."
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