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Does Dh help?

post #1 of 85
Thread Starter 
does your dh help you with the kid(s) after he gets home from work?

Just curious as mine doesnt and when i mention it to my sahm friends they say that its a load of BS. however my son naps for 6 hrs a day (3 2hr naps) and i get a break when he naps so *I* dont feel its unreasonable for my dh to be able to rest and relax when he gets home as he only has a 30 min lunch at work.

Thank you
post #2 of 85
Nope, not help at all. SOmetime it makes me want to spit nails but I have to keep telling myself that I am a lucky lady because he works VERY hard for me to be able to stay at home.
Lately he *can't* help because he leave for work at 3:30 AM and gets home at 8 pm. He eats and then is off to bed.

I have a 2 1/2 year old, a 4 1/2 year old and an almost 7 year old so I get NO rest during the day.
post #3 of 85
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by candipooh
Nope, not help at all. SOmetime it makes me want to spit nails but I have to keep telling myself that I am a lucky lady because he works VERY hard for me to be able to stay at home.
Lately he *can't* help because he leave for work at 3:30 AM and gets home at 8 pm. He eats and then is off to bed.

I have a 2 1/2 year old, a 4 1/2 year old and an almost 7 year old so I get NO rest during the day.
i've decided to enjoy it while it lasts cuz i'm sure the baby will complicate things come July!
post #4 of 85
My dh helps out alot. We split the housework and the dinner cooking. He works 3am to 11am then is off and goes to bed at 6 pm. His job brings in the money and my job is taking care of the baby. We split household stuff
post #5 of 85
While we only have one ds...one very energetic, spririted 2 1/2 yo ds, my response is 100% no, my dh does not help at all. I too am truely thankful that I am able to stay home with ds, which is why I put up with it at all. My dh has no household chores, when he gets home from work he does his own thing in his office, takes a nap sometimes, whatever. On the weekends he does his own thing or stays in the office and watches sports (sports crazy nut!) all day long. Whether it's cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc., etc.-I do it by by myself with ds in tow.
He does work hard to financially provide, but I do not think that entitles him to a free pass either.

...can you tell I'm a little bitter about it?
post #6 of 85
YES. Basically when he walks through the door, Daddy is #1. She goes to the door to meet him and he keeps track of her while he changes and I get dinner ready. We eat together and he cleans her up after dinner. We hang out together for a bit and I get some alone time and then he plays with her and reads while I take a bath. While he showers I nurse her to sleep then we go to bed....

Weekends also he is 100% involved.

ALSO, our understanding is that she is my work during the day. Any housework that gets done is a bonus. So he helps TONS with that too.

-Angela
post #7 of 85
we plan on splitting childcare at least 50/50 when dh is home. It is REALLY important to me that my children to see that men are nurturing and that men take care of children.
post #8 of 85
My dh and I both feel strongly that he should be the primary parent when he comes home. Obviously, I am still involved, because I like to be with them, but he is the one changing the diapers, feeding him dinner (solids, I still breastfeed of course), giving him a bath, playing with him and putting him to bed. Not only does this give my dh quality time with the baby, but it gives me a break. In my husband's words, "at least when I get home from work I am away from my job. You are at your job 24 hours a day." He's a great daddy and husband!
post #9 of 85
Yes. As soon as he's through the door he is an active parent, especially now with two. The way I see it we both "work" all day, and when we're both home we're both responsible for the children. Yeah I get a nap sometimes, but I do more chores in the evening when he plays or relaxes. I suppose if he had an extremely stressful job with super long hours, it might be different.
I also think it's important that he set an example as a caring parent, and he benefits from it as well, having a closer relationship with his kids.
post #10 of 85
right now no. BUT it s only becasue he is working sooo much right now. when he comes home he is spent and the kids are already in bed.

His days off ( when he is lucky enough to have them) are psent just being with th ekids. I do not expect him to do anything else but to focus on them. He does not one thing around the house lately and right now, that is ok with me ( well I would love th ehelp but it is balanced this way in our house anyways).


when he was not wrking so much, oh yeah he helped ALOT.
post #11 of 85
Umm...Nope - atleast not with the kids. For us, I can't really complain - he does work a ton (14 hr days with no lunch, no breaks) and with that, he is gone as soon as the kids wake up and is home after they're asleep. On his days off he is always doing something! It could be washing cars, changing oil, car maintence stuff, yard work, etc...but with the kids? He has given our middle dd a bath - once... and has changed probably 20 diapers total between the 3 kids. Thats not to say hes not involved - he loves to play with them - he's just not very helpful.
post #12 of 85
Yes, and I feel blessed. He works 35-45 hours a week and is putting in a lot of time trying to start up his own business. But when he comes home in the evening, he spends time with Q, does some housework, and waits to work on his business stuff until Q and I go to bed or I say it's ok. Weekends he checks before disappearing into the office and in general does at least 50% of the housework. More, lately, because I've had so much morning (ha!) sickness and fatigue.
post #13 of 85
Nope. Not at all unless I beg. And we're both SAH parents because we're on disability. So there is no reason why he can't help out too. He just doesn't. : Angry? You bet.
post #14 of 85
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamawanabe
we plan on splitting childcare at least 50/50 when dh is home. It is REALLY important to me that my children to see that men are nurturing and that men take care of children.
we had planned on this too. I have found that my dh doesnt really care to be a father. he just likes showing him off but not really being *active* in his life.
post #15 of 85
My dh is very active in the kids' lives. We don't consider it "helping" because that sounds like something someone other than a parent does.

He's gone at 6:30 a.m. and comes home at 6:30 p.m. and takes no lunch, generally so he can be home in time for a family dinner. We eat as soon as he gets home and then he gives the boys (5 and 2) a bath while I clean the kitchen. Then he does a bedtime routine with one while I do it with the other.

I'm also very lucky that dh is a great sport about me having meetings at night and going to the gym at night and going out by myself sometimes on the weekend.
post #16 of 85
My dh "helps", but I see it more as him spending desired time with his children. He plays with them and talks to them and changes the baby and also often does the bathing and gets them ready for bed. He sets the table, too, and tries to get my dd to help him with that. He wants to, he wants to parent them too.

I don't ask him for help with the housework, cooking, laundry, finances, or other household maintenance. That's my job, and I figure it's the least I can do. I also would prefer to handle it myself. Though he did help with some of that when I had ds.
post #17 of 85
Yep, he loves to spend one-on-one time with Denali, and will often take her on an outing if I need a nap, or will saty home with her if I want to go to the bookstore, get coffee, etc. He is a wonderful partner and is always looking out for my state of mind. He fully appreciates how hard I work, and thinks I have the more difficult job of the two of us.

And on the flip side, I understand that he gets tired, too, or needs alone time on a weekend day. I am always willing to take Denali out if he gets home from a tiring day and needs a nap, or to make sure he gets a little relaxing time for himself.
post #18 of 85
Not really. He's on call, and works 2 out of 3 days. He takes DS swimming when he can. HOWEVER... He doesn't feed him or change his diapers. Has bathed him once. It's been a huge issue w/ us, but he's comming along He loves his son like mad, though.
post #19 of 85
I would say that dh doesn't "help" with housework much, but I don't need him to because he is an invoved parent. That's not "helping" IMNSHO, it's being a father rather than a sperm donor. I never ask him if he will watch ds, I just tell him where I'm going and walk out the door (usually to my evening PT job or the grocery store).

I have been really militant about this since ds was born, whereas I could never get myself worked up about the fact that I do all the dishes and laundry. The dishes and laundry don't care who does them. Our son cares a lot about spending time with Daddy and having Daddy be able to meet his diapering/feeding/comfort needs.
post #20 of 85
Yup! DH is all about the kids as soon as he walks in the door. I actually don't know how I could SAHM without him, he is such a huge help to me

Cheers!
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