or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Stay at Home Parents › Does Dh help?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Does Dh help? - Page 2

post #21 of 85
Well, DH is very active in DS and his other 2 kid's life... but he doesn't really do the housework or the general care. That's my job... he does the playing, watching him while I do other housework or have some time to myself but when it comes to cooking dinner, bathing, putting to bed, etc, that's my job and personally, I don't want him to do it. I enjoy taking care of my son... giving him a bath and putting him to bed is my time to snuggle and love on him. I wouldn't give that time up for the world. DH spends time with him by rough-housing, cuddling, watching movies together, taking little trips to the store, etc... but when it comes to housework, there are times when I want to wring his neck for not helping at all but when it comes down to it, when we talked about me staying home, the deal was that I did the housework so in the end, It's what I agreed to so it's my job. He also works from 3.30am to 3pm most days so he comes home exhausted... and his work is physically demanding, even more so then repeatedly lifting a 36 pound 2 year old, lol so I let him rest.
post #22 of 85
I get really resentful when I perceive dh to be slacking on the less-fun aspects of parenting - feeding, diapering,bathing, diverting ds when he is doing something dangerous, knowing when to give medicine and how much, etc. It's not that I mind doing these things for my son, but I will mind a lot if the impression he receives from his childhood is that Daddy is for fun and Mommy is his personal servant.
post #23 of 85
Yes he helps a lot. He's really changed since I got pg with #2 and is much more involved with day to day crap then he has ever been. His work schedule also changed so he's here a lot more. Usually I hand over the baby when he walks in the door and ds glues himself to daddy's side. I finish dinner, ds and I eat, then I take the baby back and dh eats. Whoever gets to it first usually cleans up the kitchen and then I run away and take a bath. If ds needs a bath 90% of the time dh gets him in there. He puts ds to bed, I take dd.

He doesn't do much house cleaning, mostly because I am able to keep up on it pretty well. He will do laundry if it starts to pile up and mops his bathroom floor once a week now.

I am very lucky. My dh values what I do and realizes how hard it can be sometimes to do it all. My time on bedrest really opened his eyes to a lot of things that I do that he never noticed before. It sucked to be on bedrest, but it was kind of worth it
post #24 of 85
DH helps a ton and gives me a lot of breaks. He does everything from diapers to baths to slinging to anything! If I cook dinner he cleans up. He is alwaysh holding a baby. If he goes running he takes our 2 year old in the jogger- when he is home he is On his Game and helping me!!! I have the best dh ever!

Danielle
post #25 of 85
since housework came up in this trhead. I will also add that because me and dh will both work all day (him 8:30-5:30 at the office and me 8:00-6:00 at home taking care of kids and the messes we make), then all housework and childcare when dh is home is 50/50.

The most important reason for me (beyond it being simply fair) is that I really want my children to understand that men are nurturing, men care for children, men care for the home, etc.

I imagien that Sundays evenings will be family cleaning time. Put on soem good music while I dust and dh sweeps, while I scrub the sink and dh scubs the bathtub. Todlers in tow "helping." When my kids get older they can really help.
post #26 of 85
My dh is a tremendous help. He is completely involved. He feels that during the day I shouldn't worry about housework ect, and just focus on her. He helps out when he gets home, cooks, cleans ect. He is very concerned about me getting a break, and always encourages me to take some time. He will stay up very late w/dd and I even though he has to get up early b/c he feels guilty going to bed (even though I tell him too). I'm very luck!
post #27 of 85
Most of the time I feel like my dh makes a better mom then I do . As soon as he gets home from work he spends some time with dd. He cooks dinner for us about 2 nights a week, but most of the time I do and he just helps. He then usually does the dishes and cleans up the kitchen while I take a brake or catch up on laundry. He then will play with dd for awhile and then take her upstair for a bath. I nurse her and then he puts her to bed. At night when dd wakes (which is only once a night usually) he goes and get her, I nurse her, and then he walks her back and forth until she is asleep. He's like super dad. I try to make him take breaks on the weekend and after dd goes to bed, 'cause otherwise he would never take them for himself. He says that it's his job to make sure that dd and I have the best life possible 'cause we're his princesses . Sorry if this seems like I'm bragging, I just my hubby.
post #28 of 85
No, not typically. He's been *trying* lately to have more fun with DD on his off time but his job is really demanding and takes up most of his time (even when he's off).
post #29 of 85
He did until he started working nights again. His sleep schedule is all out of whack so I'm lucky if he's concious enough for himself, let alone anything else lately.
post #30 of 85
I do more than DH, simply because I'm home more, but he definitely does a LOT. Maybe a 60/40 split, with housework. It's more like 50/50 with childcare. You have to understand, though, that before DD was born I was out of the house 14 hours a day, while DH is only away from home 7 hours a day, so that the housework was 100% his responsibility. Me not working was a major, major adjustment, and me taking over the housework has been really gradually. I anticipate doing more and more as DD gets older, although we're going to homeschool and I look on that as a job in itself. And he's still only away from home 7 hours, so he has plenty of time to relax and still do his share of the work around the house.

I don't think of it as him "helping." He cares for our home and child for the same reason I do-- because it's his home and child. If he ever let on that he was doing me a "favor" by doing housework or taking care of DD, I'd go on a sit-down strike and refuse to do any housework at all until he adjusted his attitude.

That's just what works for us, though. I know some women derive a lot of joy and satisfaction from being primarily responsible for their home and families, and I think that's wonderful if it works for you. It doesn't, for us.
post #31 of 85
He will hold/play with the baby but that is all. He does care for our 7 year old but that doesn't really require much.
post #32 of 85
The guys who got thier wives to agree to all of the house and child care got a sweet deal, didn't they? They get to go out and work and then when they come home, they do not have to do a thing. Just sit or play or whatever. Meanwhile, Mama is "on duty" 24 hours a day. How in the world is this fair or healthy? My husband does the same thing from time to time, until I set him straight. I told him that we pay for the lawn service, so he has no outdoor chores and he can take care of a couple in the house.

The point is, I do not just take it lying down.
post #33 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle
. How in the world is this fair or healthy?
Well, I think a lot of women (me included) have a self-sacrifice streak to them that means doing everything children and house related feels goods. They might feel resentful from time to time, but more than not, they enjoy it.

So the reason to have the dh more involed in the housecare and childcare is NOT so that "it is fair," but because it is SO important for children to see (boys especially) men involved in the work of childcare and hoursekeeping. There are lots of reasons:
1) It opens up more possibilities of manhood for your boys. They see that men can nurture, clean, cook, change diapers ect.
2) It is only way boys and girls will grow up to seeing that this work is valuable. Mommy and Daddy both do it because it is important. I think that society doesn't value sahms because they don't value "women's work." If we want better options and choices for our kids as they arrange their own families, we can start by showing that this work is valuable (there is lots of talk about how it is valuable, but we all know what that talk is worth).
post #34 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamawanabe
Well, I think a lot of women (me included) have a self-sacrifice streak to them that means doing everything children and house related feels goods. They might feel resentful from time to time, but more than not, they enjoy it.

So the reason to have the dh more involed in the housecare and childcare is NOT so that "it is fair," but because it is SO important for children to see (boys especially) men involved in the work of childcare and hoursekeeping. There are lots of reasons:
1) It opens up more possibilities of manhood for your boys. They see that men can nurture, clean, cook, change diapers ect.
2) It is only way boys and girls will grow up to seeing that this work is valuable. Mommy and Daddy both do it because it is important. I think that society doesn't value sahms because they don't value "women's work." If we want better options and choices for our kids as they arrange their own families, we can start by showing that this work is valuable (there is lots of talk about how it is valuable, but we all know what that talk is worth).



Oh I TOTALLY agree with your post. You have NO idea how much I agree with this. I have all sons. And I have already heard the remarks about how terrible because I will have to wait on them so much. Um...no I will not. I am teaching my boys NOW, how to clean up and cook and take care of a home.
post #35 of 85
Well, yes and no... he does help some but not as much as I would like. He has a relaxing job most of the time, that he really enjoys, with an hour lunch break that he never takes because he doesn't need to. I work 24/7 365 normally without any breaks. I typically have to ask him to do anything I want him to do, and even then he might do it and he might not. For example, I ask for him to watch the kids while I make supper and he says he will but he doesn't really do it and they end up in the kitchen w/ me anyway. He often 'disapears' into the basement on his computer for several hours each night. Usually ds1 will go with him for a little while. If I tell him to change ds2 diaper he will do it but 'in a minute' which in his world is about in 20mins. I do baths, feedings, etc. plus caring for the home but he does help a little more on the weekends.
post #36 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahmae1
Well, yes and no... he does help some but not as much as I would like. He has a relaxing job most of the time, that he really enjoys, with an hour lunch break that he never takes because he doesn't need to. I work 24/7 365 normally without any breaks. I typically have to ask him to do anything I want him to do, and even then he might do it and he might not. For example, I ask for him to watch the kids while I make supper and he says he will but he doesn't really do it and they end up in the kitchen w/ me anyway. He often 'disapears' into the basement on his computer for several hours each night. Usually ds1 will go with him for a little while. If I tell him to change ds2 diaper he will do it but 'in a minute' which in his world is about in 20mins. I do baths, feedings, etc. plus caring for the home but he does help a little more on the weekends.

You see, I find that to be disrespectful and lazy of a man to do that. Would rather let his child sit in a nasty diaper than just change it and get it over with. Would rather spend time on his computer than spend time with his children, who BTW, you did not create on your own, I am guessing.

My husband did that last night with our 11 mo old. I was on the phone with a friend who I do not get to talk to often. He said something about the baby's diaper being poopy. I said, well could you please change him? I went back to my conversation and when I got off of the phone, about an hour later (I RARELY ever talk on the phone that long) the baby was STILL poopy. I lit into that man like a firecracker. I told him that he might be bringing in the bacon, but I am no slave and he can darn well change a freaking diaper. And how DARE him let that baby sit in filth. To me, that borders on child abuse, to allow a child to sit in a nasty butt diaper because you think you are too GOOD and IMPORTANT to change one. I rarely get to be on the phone or go anywhere, we live where HE wanted to live, and I ask little of him.

It is really disgusting that his mother taught him that basically, because he has a penis, that he is not required to do anything except work a job, come home and flop on his butt. I know where he learned it. I do not have to get onto him often, thank God. He has learned for the most part.

I will teach my sons better than that. I do not care if their father models it for them or not~I am still gonna try my best. I refuse, absolutely REFUSE to subscribe to the notion that a man cannot do anything and should be catered to and waited on, hand and foot.
post #37 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle
The guys who got thier wives to agree to all of the house and child care got a sweet deal, didn't they? They get to go out and work and then when they come home, they do not have to do a thing. Just sit or play or whatever. Meanwhile, Mama is "on duty" 24 hours a day. How in the world is this fair or healthy? My husband does the same thing from time to time, until I set him straight. I told him that we pay for the lawn service, so he has no outdoor chores and he can take care of a couple in the house.

The point is, I do not just take it lying down.
I don't see it that way. It may seem that I do more, but infact I have it much easier than him. I'm the one with all the free time to see friends and pursue hobbies. I may be on call 24/7 but the actual amounts of work I do and the time it takes me is far less than the hours or work he put in. To each his own I guess.
post #38 of 85
[QUOTE=mamawanabe]
So the reason to have the dh more involed in the housecare and childcare is NOT so that "it is fair," but because it is SO important for children to see (boys especially) men involved in the work of childcare and hoursekeeping. QUOTE]

My dh and his brothers are living proof that this actually works. They grew up with a dad who was an excellent rolemodel and taught them that a mans work does not end when you comes home from your paying job. He always split the house work at least 50/50 and took pride in doing extra so that his wife could take a break. My dh can't understand men who come home and sit on the couch with a beer. He thinks that they are lazy and sloth like, he actually gets kind of upset when he sees that. I believe that it is so important for children (especially boys) to see this sort of thing on a daily basis, they really do learn by example.
post #39 of 85
Yes, he helps out a lot.
post #40 of 85
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharlla
I don't see it that way. It may seem that I do more, but infact I have it much easier than him. I'm the one with all the free time to see friends and pursue hobbies. I may be on call 24/7 but the actual amounts of work I do and the time it takes me is far less than the hours or work he put in. To each his own I guess.

I agree with this! my dh works 8-10 hrs a day...and my son sleeps for 6 hrs worth of naps. Yes it is hard but If I need him to he helps. I enjoy doing this work so usually even if he offers to help I don't let him.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Stay at Home Parents
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Stay at Home Parents › Does Dh help?