2 1/2 yo thinks dog now lives in a hole

[mobeans]

Help! I did all the reading I could find, and it all said to just tell the simple truth about death for a 2-4 year old. I put my 16 year old dog down a couple of weeks ago. I told my DS that the dog was hurting every day (which he knew, the dog could no longer get up by himself and was pooping on the floor every morning, we had had lots of talks about him getting older and hurting).I said we were taking him to the vet, and if there was nothing else the vet could do to help his pain, the vet would help him die. My DS came to the vet with us, I asked him if he wanted to stay in the room and he said no, so my DP took DS outside. We told DS the dog was dead and we buried him. We let DS pick some stuff out to bury with him (his favorite chewie, a toy, a picture of him and the dog) and we had a typical dog funeral. Seemed to be smooth.

Now, every night when we let our other dog or the cat in, he asks if Noah will come out of his hole. I say no, Noah is dead. That means he doesn't breath, doesn't walk, he is not alive. DS says "He will stay in the hole until he is better than he will come out." I say "he is not going to come out of the hole."

I am so sad! I tried to do this the right way, my DP totally wanted to do the whole "He went to a farm where he could run and play" thing. I don't want my son thinking that somehow the dog is awake and we put him in a hole. That seems to conjure up all sorts of terrible things. I can imagine when he's older, saying something like "yeah, I remember when our dog died, I thought they just buried him in a hole to live down there" or something.

I know every age is different, and he may not have been able to understand death. The main reason I thought he would be okay with it is because he has (prior to the dog's death) been talking about death a lot in a very casual manner. He would look at his grandfather's picture and say "you are my grandpa and you are dead." and talking about a cat (that died when he was only 6 months old and I don't think he knows more than from picture) saying that she is going with us everywhere, and she is driving the dead cat mobile.(which certainly somehow seems creepy to my thoughts but apparently is a fun thing!)

Anyway, sorry this ended up being so long. Any thoughts to ease over the "my dog lives in a hole."

[SKK]

I have no ideas. I just wanted to say that is so cute and sweet and so heartbreaking all at the same time! Poor dc, and poor old doggie. I hope that eventually you find a way to get the whole thing across to your dc.


good luck!

[Daffodil]

Has your DS seen many dead things (like dead bugs or worms) and have you used the word "dead" to describe them? Pointing out dead insects - or any other dead thing you might find - and letting him see how they're different from live ones might give him a better idea what death is really like.

Maybe you could also talk about how dead bodies rot and turn into dirt, so he has something else to picture besides the dog just living down there in the hole. That's something I did when I talked to my 2 1/2 yr old about death. I also said, without really expecting her to understand what I meant, that dead people weren't really even like people anymore. And she seemed to get that, because then she commented that they were like sticks. I told her that was exactly right - they were just like sticks that couldn't feel or think or do anything and would just rot and turn into dirt.

[mobeans]

We have seen and handled some dead bugs, but I don't think recently, not since the dog's death, anyway. That is a good idea.

We have talked about the changes that occur when you bury them, (you know, The Tenth Good Thing About Barney is so sweet with that idea..."and that's a pretty nice job for a cat.") It doesn't seem to click with him. I guess it will at some point.

Thanks for the thoughts and hugs.