My sis thinks I'm "making my son gay!"

[darien]

I just need to tell someone about this--

Last night on the phone with my sister, she brought up my ds8's Harry Potter obsession. I told her he and I had been teasing each other, proposing crazy ways to end the series. I said the one that irked ds the most was my assertion that Harry would fall in love with Draco Malfoy (his male school rival) and that they'd defeat Voldemort together. Ds is not a Malfoy fan!

Sis bursts out "And you wonder why he's such a freak!"

I say, "No, I don't! What is it, you think I'm turning him gay or something?" She responds: "YES!"

I changed the topic at that point, as my sis is very stubborn, and this is not the first bizarre idea she's had! But the irony is, ds is not the most manly of boys, shall we say? Dh and I have joked (privately) about his potential preferences before.

I have no problem with a gay son, but I hate thinking that in 10 years or so, my sis is going to "blame" his sexuality on this "incident!" I don't know whether to laugh or scream.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by darien

Sis bursts out "And you wonder why he's such a freak!"

Not a nice thing to say about a child.

I'm sorry your sis is so critical and intolerant. I would seriously avoid the subject of sexual orientation with her in the future.

Ds will be what he will be, of course. And if he is indeed gay, won't he be lucky to have a mom who modeled tolerance and acceptance over the years!

[Vermillion]

VERY nasty thing to say about a little kid, calling him a freak

On the gay thing. I’ve also heard that I’m “making my son gay” because I don’t force gender stereotypes on him or discourage him from doing “girly things”.

All I have to say to ignorant people like that is off. My son is who is he and will be who he will be and I’ll encourage him to express himself in any way that makes him feel good. Too bad for anyone who doesn’t like that.

[LeosMama]

wow, can you find the incident in her past that turned her in to a b$tch?

There's a lot more I could say on this, but I'm sure you can imagine it.

[umami_mommy]

that was one of the most ignorant things i have heard in a while.

i guess i would have to draw a boundary with someone like that and ask them to NEVER call my son a freak. then i would recommend that she read some of the most recent research on why some people prefer the opposite sex while others prefer the same or both. then i would say, i'd be happy to discuss some of the ideas of the origin of homeosexual behavior after you've finsihed the research, in the meantime, don't ever suggest such ignorant, intolerent ideas to me again.

other than that i wouldn't speak to someone like that until he/she apologized for calling my son a freak.

an ex-friend (notice i said ex) mocked me about buying barretts for my son's long hair. considering that his father has a braid down to his butt and i have had a buzz cut i don't think there's anything weird about it. but she just didn't like it. i asked her why it bothered her, but all she said was it caught her off guard. it was one of the things that finally ended our relationship.

GL with your sis, i don't speak to my brother anymore (not that we were close before) because he made such a HUGE fuss over me NIP when my son was 4 months old. (he hasn't called me either, so no biggie)

[Patchfire]

I've heard similar comments, not about my ds, thankfully, but other people, from the ILs. I know what they think of me, and if ds were to, in fact, be gay, I know I'd hear comments about how it was 'my fault' and so on.

(P.S. I agree with you about Harry & Draco... )

[aisraeltax]

i would be most upset about the "freak" comment. that would not have gone over well with me.

as far as whether one of my sons will be gay or not, that is their decision to make. ds1 (15) and his friends love to joke around about homosexuality. they know it gets to me, so ds1 does it more. but, he knows that if he/one of his brothers are gay, they will still be loved by me. i feel so horrible for boys/men whose families reject them b/c of their sexuality.

good luck w/ your sister....i would definitely set some boundaries there.

p.s. dh accused me of buying "sissy" toys for the new baby (under the nile stuff) but he was joking!

rach

[AAK]

Please don't let her ignorance get to you. My grandparents blame themselves for their gay son and my parents (esp. my dad) blame themselves for their gay daughter. Thankfully our family is still a family--it took awhile for things to feel 'normal' again though. Rather than blaming himself, I think dad should be happy that he was a strong enough "man" to take my sister camping/hunting/fishing and that he taught her to use tools from the garage.

Amy

[oyemicanto]

It would break my heart if my sister called my child a freak. that is so mean. The whole gay issue aside, why was she so cutting and mean? How does she treat him when they spend time together? I know sibling relationships are difficult, I have 3 sisters and it can be tough at times, but respect is always in order. You wouldn't be out of line to let her know that her comment was hurtful and mean.

[mom2threenurslings]

My almost-7 year old was reading that post over my shoulder (I swear he has radar for the words "Harry Potter"!) and said, "I'd rather be a freak than like that lady's sister! ... Wait a minute - I AM a freak!" My kids are definitely not mainstream and definitely don't care if they "fit in" or go against the grain. My boys have long hair (we've taken 6.5 inches off of my oldest's hair since he was born and it's still long!), couldn't care less about gender stereotypes and definitely don't see gay as a bad thing.

They also have a different view on "freaky": My 3 year old recently asked what a baby in a store we were in was drinking from her bottle and I said, "maybe mamamilk, maybe formula." She asked what formula is and I explained and she said, "Someone would actually feed that stuff to their baby instead of mamamilk? That's freaky!"

[Tinas3muskateers]

Next time she calls your son a freak say to her "Like I would want him to be like everyone else?"

As far as the gay thing goes my brother is like that with his son. Its so annoying. He cant play with anything remotly femine. He would roll over and die if he heard the things Isaiah is getting. A kitchen, broom and dust pan, vaccume, a pizza party kit, and a doctor kit to name a few. His godmother is getting him a kitchen. That's it he is doomed be a domesticate homosexual who cooks good (and dates a doctor hahaha)

I asked a friend the other day if I should get him a truck or something... She was like well does he play with them? I said not really , she said then dont get him what he likes. And she was right

Oh and tell your sister homosexuality isnt something you "catch" or are "taught" your born that way.

[shanagirl]

Darien-- you should let your sister know how offensive her comment was.

Also think about what you said-- that you would 'hate' thinking that one day she will blame his homosexuality on this incident. Dont' even go there in your own thinking. If your son is gay, yes, people will have their theories why. None of them will be right! So don't even worry about it, it's a waste of time.

The dad who thinks he made his dd gay because he took her hunting and taught her how to use tools should understand that maybe she had an interest in those kind of activities in the first place. He didn't make her 'like' hunting--it was in her to begin with.

My brother is gay, and he felt it from a very early age, even if he didn't know what 'it' was at the time. He just knew he kept hearing about things that he didn't feel, or felt differently about. He said knowing he was deeply loved no matter what is what kept him from thinking there was something 'wrong' with him.

[MrsRoss]

Darien - I would worry more about the 'freak' comment than anything. I can't believe your sister and your child's aunt would say something so incredibly hurtful about him. He is only 8!

I think you may need to tell her how hurtful that comment was to you. And you should probably be more careful what the two of you talk about from now on. Maybe just avoiding subjects that you know will elicit such mean comments.

[TiredX2]

Offensive and hurtful on in the same comment.

ETA: I'd rather "make" my DS gay than a bigot (but the 2nd one, parents *can* actually do)

[Flor]

This drives me nuts. My cousin is convinced that my aunt made her son gay because she let him play dress up and vacuum the house. I can't believe that some people think that if a boy plays with a dora toy, boom! he'll be gay! I'm surprised she even lets her younger son go to daycare where he might come into contact with things like play kitchens and paper dolls.
Sorry, her ignorance and homophobia drive me insane.

[Attila the Honey]

Originally Posted by darien

Sis bursts out "And you wonder why he's such a freak!"

The next sound she would have heard was the dialtone!

I am sorry, mama. Next time I would definitely use the line the pp said - "I'd rather raise a gay son than a bigot."

[umami_mommy]

a thread about dr. phil and this topic....

check out message number 9 in this thread in the queer parents forum:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=359959

it made me stand up and cheer, try that line on the next person who says something that stupid.

[owensmom]

moderately OT... but Darien and Patchfire, come check out our HP thread... many ladies feeling the H/D love
http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=315380

[kewb]

That kind of thinking makes me livid.

My ds loves to play with so-called girly things. He loves to make jewelry for me and his sister to wear. He loves to play family. He also loves his cars and his trains. Will he be gay? Maybe. But I don't think he will be either hetero or gay because I let him play with what he liked. Nor do I care if he is hetero or not. All I want for my children is for them to be happy.

BTW, if my sister ever said such a thing, I agree with a PP. The next sound she heard would be the dial tone. She was way out of line.

[darien]

Here's another huge irony...

I can't believe I didn't think of this before! A couple of years ago we had one of sis' student employees stay with us for the summer. Sis was the one who sent him to us-- and he was GAY!

So when I talked to her yesterday, I proposed that if Taro was turning gay that SHE was the one who set the ball rolling by sending us "Joe"! She protested "I didn't know he was gay then!" Which just proves sis has no gaydar whatsoever.

As for the freak comment, I didn't hang up on her for 2 reasons. First, at our house, "freak" is a term of endearment , so it took me a while to realize she meant it in a bad way! Second, she's just full of odd prejudices and misinformation-- I try to keep a level head about it.

And I got "revenge"-- I put Taro on the phone and he asked if she had been feeling any gayer since our last conversation. Since talking about homosexuality can turn you gay, he was "concerned" !!!