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My sis thinks I'm "making my son gay!" - Page 2  

post #21 of 33
12/15/05 at 3:26am
Quote:
Originally Posted by darien
And I got "revenge"-- I put Taro on the phone and he asked if she had been feeling any gayer since our last conversation. Since talking about homosexuality can turn you gay, he was "concerned" !!!


And I love that you and your son talked openly about this - and with a sense of humor. Talk about rising above...
post #22 of 33
12/15/05 at 3:59am
Oh yeah--I get the same thing from my dad--he's in his late 60's while I'm 24, so suffice it to say we agree on very little in the way of parenting!

When I got my then-3yo son Ian a baby doll as prep for his new sister, my dad actually told him to punch the doll, which upset Ian and cost him the honor of our visits until he apologized.

Another time, when Ian was 4ish, my dad just happened to decide that he was a sissy, and woudl yell, threaten and be rude/short with him unpredictably, for no particular reason--I was at a loss until I realized what he was thinking: my dad thought he was *doing me a favor* toughening him up so that he wouldn't "turn gay". I confronted him, he admitted to doing just that, and I refused to visit for awhile again.

Ian's 6 and after nearly a year of TaeKwonDo, he quit in favor of jazz dance, which drives my dad bananas, but over the years he's learned to keep it mostly to himself. Ian has beautiful long hair, and my dad isn't above bribery to get him to cut it! Last time we visited, turned out my dad had offered him $40 and a trip to ToysR'us to buy this Transformer-dude he's been wanting, but Ian refused and told him that bribery isn't polite! :LOL

Ian enjoys doll play and play cleaning, he's toyed with the idea of getting his ear pierced, he plays dress up w/his sister, and every best friend he's ever had has been a girl. : He also plays a mean Mortal Kombat game, adores his collection of battle axes and swords, reads comics, and also loves Star Wars, Transformers, GI Joe and Spiderman (and Harry Potter!). He is who he is--and whatever that turns out to be in terms of orientation will be just fine.

post #23 of 33
12/15/05 at 11:00am
Quote:
wow, can you find the incident in her past that turned her in to a b$tch?
This... is an AMAZING response. :LOL:
post #24 of 33
12/15/05 at 11:04am
I agree with the women that said they would have hung up the moment the word "Freak" came out of her mouth. When it comes to my kids I don't argue. If someone in my family called my kid(s) a freak, they'd have to find an amazing proctologist because they'd need my foot surgically removed from their hind-end. (Says the pacifist, lol)

I think your son's conversation on the phone with her was FANTASTIC! Good for him! I also have a completely open dialogue with my kids about hetrosexuality and homosexuality. 3 of my Grandma-In-Law's children are gay, and that's out of 6 kids. So there's no avoiding it for us (not that we would anyway). I want my kids to grow up knowing that WHAT they do, not WHO they do, makes them who they are.
post #25 of 33
12/15/05 at 11:14am
Quote:
Originally Posted by darien
And I got "revenge"-- I put Taro on the phone and he asked if she had been feeling any gayer since our last conversation. Since talking about homosexuality can turn you gay, he was "concerned" !!!
:

Sounds like your DS will be able to deal with your sis just fine. I hope she backs off and maybe learns a little about respecting differences with other people whether actual or perceived.
post #26 of 33
12/15/05 at 1:13pm
"And I got "revenge"-- I put Taro on the phone and he asked if she had been feeling any gayer since our last conversation. Since talking about homosexuality can turn you gay, he was "concerned"


I DON'T agree that this was a good thing to do --why are you making your son a part of this and why is judging other people's sexuality of such interest to you and your sister? I would never put grown up words into my child's mouth to make a point with someone, essentially giving a child the idea that HE (?) should be concerned (?) if someone is feeling gay (?). I think that was a weird thought to put into your child's head. I think this issue should be strictly in conversations between you and your sister.
post #27 of 33
12/15/05 at 1:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by shanagirl
"And I got "revenge"-- I put Taro on the phone and he asked if she had been feeling any gayer since our last conversation. Since talking about homosexuality can turn you gay, he was "concerned"


I DON'T agree that this was a good thing to do --why are you making your son a part of this and why is judging other people's sexuality of such interest to you and your sister? I would never put grown up words into my child's mouth to make a point with someone, essentially giving a child the idea that HE (?) should be concerned (?) if someone is feeling gay (?). I think that was a weird thought to put into your child's head. I think this issue should be strictly in conversations between you and your sister.
I have to agree.
post #28 of 33
12/15/05 at 1:53pm
Quote:
This... is an AMAZING response. :LOL:
Kris, I guess I was pretty abrupt and short. I just wanted to express how livid I get when I hear about such thinking about children. It's nasty and destructive to say such things about anyone, but about a child!? All I could think when I read it is that if someone said that to me I would ask her what turned her into such a b$tch and hang up. Okay, it's not constructive to the relationship, but do I want those kinds of attitudes in my close personal life or near my children?
post #29 of 33
12/15/05 at 2:31pm
Thread Starter 
For one thing, as I stated in my original post, I am NOT concerned with judging others' sexuality. I thought about not telling Taro what his aunt had said, but since I knew he was likely to hear it from her later, I wanted Taro to hear it from me first. I am NOT the type of person who drags my kids into adult arguments-- I told him so as to put the proper "spin" on the comments so that he would find them silly instead of hurtful.

Maybe I did take the wrong approach, but I got the result I hoped for! Taro was bemused and amused, not shamed and hurt. And as for his question to his aunt, why do you get the idea that I put those words in his mouth? I did no such thing-- those were 100% his words.

Peace, ok?
post #30 of 33
12/15/05 at 4:34pm
Quote:
Kris, I guess I was pretty abrupt and short. I just wanted to express how livid I get when I hear about such thinking about children. It's nasty and destructive to say such things about anyone, but about a child!? All I could think when I read it is that if someone said that to me I would ask her what turned her into such a b$tch and hang up. Okay, it's not constructive to the relationship, but do I want those kinds of attitudes in my close personal life or near my children?
I wasn't being sarcastic. I thought it was funny. Not something I'd say to anyone, of course, but even THINKING it would be satisfying.
post #31 of 33
12/15/05 at 5:25pm
I didn't mean to be harsh, but now I really don't understand --those were his own words? So your son actually thinks its amusing to tease someone about feeling gay because he knows it will bother them? I still don't think that's a good idea.

And when you say you are not concerned with judging others' sexuality, that doesn't mean it's totally true. As someone said to me once, "You are not as open minded as you think you are." And they were right in the context of what made them say it. Reading your post about talking about your houseguest being GAY, in capital letters, with an exclamation point--I was trying to understand what that was supposed to mean, or what it had to do with what your sister said about your son.

I'm not trying to put you on the defensive. I just feel there is more between the lines here that needs to be thought about.
post #32 of 33
12/16/05 at 2:09am
Thread Starter 
Shanagirl, I don't think Taro was teasing my sis about feeling gay, nor would he tease anyone else. That's kind of the point-- he was saying that she wasn't made to "feel gay" by talking about homosexuality, just like HE isn't going to be turned gay by talking about it. He was teasing her by showing her that her idea was silly.

The reason I capslocked GAY when referring to my ex-boarder was to accentuate the irony that my sis, who apparently fears Taro might "turn" gay, sent a homosexual man to live in Taro's house. It was the irony that I wanted to flaunt, not "Joe's" sexuality. I'd do the same if I was telling everyone that sis gave me CHOCOLATE for my birthday, even though she thinks I could lose a few. See? It's the irony I'm pointing out.
post #33 of 33
12/16/05 at 8:58pm
Hi Darien -- I know, I don't want to make a big deal about it and you know your son and your sister better than I. Your son and my dd are the same age--8. It just feels to me like there's something weird about your sister's looking at your son and judging his sexuality at that age and your son having to be aware of that. If he can handle that, that's amazing. When I was 8 I would have felt really violated and creeped out by any adult, let alone a relative, speculating on my sexuality and making jokes about it. I might not have shown it, but inside that would have really bugged me. It's hard for me to imagine an 8 year old who can really understand the issue.

Peace.
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