Would I regret being an egg donor? - Page 3

[AdinaL]

Don't leave.

It isn't that we don't want to hear it - I HAVE heard it. And I made the decision to do IVF.

But just like vaxxing, circing, and a whole host of other issues, you have to be able to weigh the potential risks and benefits for yourself. Hence the request for links...otherwise it is just someone saying that I will get cancer.

I have my opinions regarding the risk to ME. And I advise EVERYONE to do their homework and determine if it is right for THEM. And that includes both your stories, and mine.

I am very sorry for your friend. That is a horrible thing to have to deal with, especially if it was a result of doing something to have a child. That is very sad.

I too mistrust the medical establishment on a lot of issues. It is hard to know when they are telling the truth, or just trying to sell us something. I do, however, trust my RE on this issue. It is too much money, and too much time, energy, pain and effort to have a "customer" who is going to come back and sue them in a year's time.

Sorry if we came across as harsh. Sometimes I get that way because so many people tell me that my choice on how to build my family is wrong. Not that is isn't their choice, but flat out WRONG. It gets hard to hear that over and over, and sometimes, people cautioning others against my choices, sounds like being told that my choices are wrong And I jump.

I don't think anyone with any doubt should do IVF or egg donation. There is too much stress that goes along with the process to add to it by being unsure if you are doing the right thing.

[JessasMilkMama]

I was very close to being an egg donor in college. I was accepted, did all the paperwork, the pap smear and blood test (dh even had to get one too, to make sure no STDs,) and we were accepted by a family. I was going to be paid $4000 and that was why I was going to do it. I felt very nonchalantly about it and then I think I prayed about it and I had a realization that this was not right for me. I feel like I should be responsible for my offspring and making sure they are safe and loved and how could I ever be sure of that if I never meet them and trust them with a family I will never meet? It just was definitely not for me. I felt bad for the couple but they could pick someone else and I had to put myself first in this situation.

And now, seeing my kids, there is no way I could ever think about doing it.

I could be a surrogate, but not an egg donor, only for a very very close friend or family member that I know would be a great mom.

[pamamidwife]

I wanted to share my two experiences with egg donation...

The first time, I was intrigued for two reasons: financial need and the fact that I regretted getting a tubal ligation three years prior. I was hurting so bad, wanting another baby, but the cost of a reversal would be around $8K at least. I was angry at myself for wanting the tubal in the first place and felt like donating my eggs would provide me with some closure.

Keep in mind, I was 28 and pretty immature with this thought process.

All in all, it was an ok experience. The shots weren't bad, they only started hurting when I was nearing the end of my cycle and my thighs were killing me from the injections. It was then that I learned to give myself shots in my upper back hip.

I was a high producer, or so I was told. The ultrasounds towards the end sucked because they're vaginal ultrasounds and my ovaries were freakin' HUGE. Moving was painful towards the end, too - definitely didn't want sex or to do anything, really.

The retrieval was pretty easy for me, I thought. Evidently, I laughed and joked with the docs about genital piercings (they gave me Fentanyl which sometimes acts like a crazy truth serum). The couple that I was donating for left a beautiful potted jasmine plant and a huge box of chocolates for me at the front desk. There were about 23 eggs retrieved, 20 were good.

I had a friend drive me to another friend's house, I took pain relievers (for the huge ovaries) and then drove home later.

The second experience I needed money really badly. I was in midwifery school and it cost a freakin' arm and a leg (a rich, white girl's hobby, really, it has been said about the elitism of midwifery schools). We had already taken out money on our house and I needed more for the last year. So, I did it again.

My second experience wasn't as great. In fact, I felt really crappy about it. I didn't feel good at all, started freaking out that my punishment for pimping my ovaries would result in ovarian cancer from all the drugs. It was a hard journey and it was far more painful than the first time - and it resulted in fewer eggs.

I will say this: unless you're willing to be HONEST about why you're doing it, you will regret it. Some view it as an incredible gift, others as just donating strands of DNA, nothing more. How you view it is between you and your heart - but just be honest with yourself.

I've known many people to donate after having friends/family use donor eggs. They see the difference that it made in a family's life and want to help someone else out.

In the first instance, the couple gave the doc permission to let me know about their experience. They conceived on the first round and had a live baby. They froze the rest of the embryos for future siblings. In my mind, the mother of a baby is one that carries and nurtures the child. My child was shaped and developed while growing in my womb, hearing my voice, my heartbeat, my sounds. I don't consider myself mother to those eggs at all, but that's just me.

The second I never asked about because I didn't care. I was too wrapped up in my own guilt about it.

I'm not sure that offering women large amounts of money is a good thing. They call it "compensation", but we all know what it is. If you have fertility clinics battling it out and increasing the "compensation", what's to stop a financially desperate woman from doing the wrong thing?

Just listen to your heart. Don't over-romanticize it or shame yourself about it. Go with integrity and you'll always feel good about your choices, even if you would never do it again.

A couple other things I forgot to mention:

If you're in a sexual relationship, be careful. You are over-stimulating your ovaries and you could conceive during the process. Granted, I never felt much like getting it on between the hormones (bitchy!) and the huge rocks in my gut.

Down the road, there might be a chance that legislation could open up all sperm/egg donor records so that names would be revealed to children. I know for some this sounds far fetched, but many thought that about adoption records. Are you ok with this?

[chiromama]

thanks for sharing your story Pam.

[FreeThinkinMama]

I couldn't do it, I would feel like one of my children was out there and I would never get a chance to know who they are or what they looked like. I know that's probably selfish considering all the people who go through infertility (we had IF issues too). I think it's a great thing when other people can give a couple that kind of gift though, whether you're compensated or not

[kirei]

Wow, Pam... thank you! That was incredibly informative, and gave me a lot to think about it.

You mentioned being honest with myself.... I can already say that I know I would be doing it for the money. It really was not my goal to help people... although I'm happy to think that someone who really wants a baby will get one.

I also was thinking that.... if someone went through the whole process in order to use donor eggs to have a baby... then they probably really want one. I guess I couldn't be sure, but that leads me to believe they would really love their baby.

Oh, and I'm a single mom.... so I'm not having sex with anyone. I'm not too worried about getting pregnant during this process (although if I WAS sexually active, I would be nervous.... I'm really really happy with just ONE baby for me. I have considered having my tubes tied.

[cobluegirl]

Kirei my sis is going through this process right now. She has had no bad expriences this far other than developing a cyst and had to put a hold on things to get the cyst to go away...her belly is bruised from shots. she has also had to remain abstinent because of the extra fertility. she is going through a clinic downtown. holler if you want any info.

ps. she will be paid $4000 for her eggs. (in case you are wondering)