Need advice re: suicide talk

[almama]

My five year old took a jump rope and put it around his neck while we were outside putting up the Christmas stuff and said, "I'm going to kill myself." Here are the complicating factors: When I asked "why" he said so he could see his great Nana (she just died three weeks ago. We were taking a trip to see her before she passed on, but did not make it). We don't teach about an afterlife, but he has made up a vision for one on his own. He had his first dance recital today and was a nervous wreck (he admantly wanted to do it though). This morning we were playing with his castle figures and I pretended my princess was Juliette. Well, he kept pressing for the story and I candy-coated all I could, but they did commit suicide.

He's a pretty happy, but intense boy and gets sooo wound up over holidays. My DH says it is not to worry about, but of course I am worried. I know he does not understand what he is saying, but I don't even want him to go near the subject. I don't know what to do. I'll keep talking to him about it, but I'm worried I'm overlooking something. This scared the life out of me, even though he was not actually threatening.

[AntoninBeGonin]

That must be very scary for you. I guess right now you should be happy he's only five and probably doesn't understand the finality of what he's saying. Maybe you'd feel better if you had a talk with him about it, and let him know what it is and why it scares you.

I'm sure others can offer better advice.

best,
~Nay

[Mamajamz]

THat would scare me too, more that my child put a rope around his neck. It SOUNDS like a phrase he has picked up somewhere. I would try to get more info from him in a non-threatening way, as in playing dumb like you've never heard the word before. Find out what HE means. I can tell you from counseling exp. that what we are told to look for signs of intention WITH a plan and a means to do it, and all that within a context of profound depression. Just saying it could be for shock value. Is he sad, angry, acting out in any way? I think you said he is a happy boy. I think intense children tend to gravitate toward more intense language early on. They don't just feel sad at that very moment, they feel the world is coming to an end, but then are skipping along the sidewalk the next moment. KWIM? Kids can say some pretty shocking things. I agree that he probably does not understand the gravity of what he is saying.
But back to the rope, I would teach him (in a completely different conversation) about the danger of putting anything around his neck.

[meemee]

you know the suicide talk does not bother me. it makes sense what he said. its a way of knowing how well he knows his concepts. he has to die to see nana. ok. makes sense.

but the scary part is how did he know that strangling would kill him? now to me that is the scary part.

watch and see if he brings it up again. and have an honest talk with him. focus on how much u would miss him and how sad u would be if he died (not necessarily talking about how one died - more what happens to the others when someone dies) and look for where he is getting these detailed ideas.

[G&B'sMama]

It is important to have a talk with DC and let him know that he has used some very serious words and gestures. At age five, he probably didn’t say that stuff because he is really contemplating hurting himself, but he clearly understands the idea of suicide to some extent. I agree with the PP- focus on how sad it would be if something like that happened to him (or anyone else) and how sad the family would be. Also, it is important for him to know how final death is. You can use Nana’s death as an example- we may always have our memories of Nana, and the blanket she knitted for you as a baby (or whatever) to remember her, and we will always love her- but because she died we will not be able to see her again, or bake cookies with her (or whatever they enjoyed), or have her over for dinner. That is what happens when people die.