I'll get around to posting on the grief and loss thread soon, but I wanted to post here first, since I consider you guys to be my friends after the months of posting while I was pregnant. And you guys know the whole story of his trials and birth.
My son stopped breathing at 1pm yesterday afternoon. After heroic measures, he died at 4:50 this morning. I spent the best 7 weeks of my life with my darling boy, and I don't understand how he came through everything else- all his surgeries and everything to be taken away now.
I was walking and feeding him in our sling and I noticed that he had stopped sucking. I thought he was asleep, so I pulled myself out and then after about a minute, I got this nagging feeling that something wasn't right. We pulled him out and realized he wasn't breathing. We did infant CPR while we waited on the side of the road for the paramedics. He was in cardiac arrest for over 30 minutes. They were able to start his heart again, but he never was able to breathe on his own. This morning, his organs began to fail and we decided to remove him from the vent. We were able to hold him, bathe him and dress him before we left. I still don't understand why I couldn't bring him home again. I'm having a very hard time accepting...
My son stopped breathing at 1pm yesterday afternoon. After heroic measures, he died at 4:50 this morning. I spent the best 7 weeks of my life with my darling boy, and I don't understand how he came through everything else- all his surgeries and everything to be taken away now.
I was walking and feeding him in our sling and I noticed that he had stopped sucking. I thought he was asleep, so I pulled myself out and then after about a minute, I got this nagging feeling that something wasn't right. We pulled him out and realized he wasn't breathing. We did infant CPR while we waited on the side of the road for the paramedics. He was in cardiac arrest for over 30 minutes. They were able to start his heart again, but he never was able to breathe on his own. This morning, his organs began to fail and we decided to remove him from the vent. We were able to hold him, bathe him and dress him before we left. I still don't understand why I couldn't bring him home again. I'm having a very hard time accepting...
Rest in peace sweet Rainer....you are loved.
