i got a 98

[scatterbrainedmom]

I got a 98 on the PPD quiz.

My family, friends and husband think I have it. I guess I do too.

Here is a bit about me...I am a sahm of 3 boys, the youngest 14 weeks. I wasn't ready for another baby when we found out I was pregnant, my middle one turned 2 a few days after #3 was born. I had a great pregnancy and an even better home birth. BUT, we had to transport him to the hospital because my mw thought he was way pre term, like maybe 35 weeks, and he was in the NICU for 5 days. During that time my mom came and helped me and ended up screaming at me in my front yard about what a horrible person I was for not wanting her at the birth and it was my fault the baby was in the hospital. Then she left and we haven't spoken since then. Baby came home and DH had to go back to work, so I have been home with 3 kids ages 4, 2, and 14 weeks. I am having trouble functioning on day to day stuff. I can't figure out how to balnce anything in our lives. We are having money troubles and my oldest is going through a phase where he is very defiant. every thing is no. and the 2 yo is into everything. the baby cries all the time except when he is nursing. i wear him in a wrap all the time, but it is just hard to do anything with him there. I feel like I am neglecting my kids by not spending enough one on one with each of them. I never get dressed anymore except to pick up ds1 from school (he goes from 9-12 m-f) and then change back into my night clothes right away. Satuday I left my husband. I had just had enough, I was feeling like he didn't support me. He came and got me that night (I just ran home to my grandma lol) and we had a long talk and that is when he told me that he thought I needed to talk to someone about PPD and also my family said the same thing.

So, I guess I want to know is where do I go know? I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was 14 and was on celexa and then effexor, but I got off when i got pregnant with ds2 and have not been taking anything.

[scatterbrainedmom]

bumping because I posted really late last night and want some advise

[jstar]

who wouldn't be overwhelmed? and i am sure you are especially angry how bad things are with your mom right now.

do you have insurance? can you go see a counselor or psychiatrist? i think you NEED to. if you don't have insurance you should look into the public health clinic. most places have them i think. even planned parenthood should be able to refer you to the services that are available if you don't have a lot of money. there ARE people out there to help you. you just need to find them.

it is good you and your DH had a talk. he probably doesn't know what to do to help you. if you get a therapist they will probably be able to help you communicate your specific needs to your dh. he NEEDS to help you. he is your partner with 3 children. if your grandma is close to you too go to her house with the kids as much as you can. anyone who can help hold the littlest baby or feed the 2 year old or read books to the 4 year old is going to reduce the pressure on you. you are just under a lot of pressure. it will get better. find someone outside your family to give you medical/therapy help ASAP! a therapist will also be able to give you ideas on how to patch things up with your mom. because that is important!! and probably weighing heavily on your mind.

good luck it will get better. you can do this. babies are SO hard. and so are toddlers. it is a good thing they are so cute eh?

[Tofu the Geek]

Originally Posted by sdurdin

I got a 98 on the PPD quiz.

Can you please tell me where you found this quiz?

[Gale Force]

I agree with jstar -- I am feeling overwhelmed just thinking about your situation.

What resources do you have? Can your grandma help you a bit? Is your former depression support system in this same town that you live in? Get it shaking again if so.

[Gale Force]

Originally Posted by TechnoGranola

Can you please tell me where you found this quiz?

Check out the top sticky on the forum and follow the link.

[scatterbrainedmom]

Originally Posted by jstar

do you have insurance? can you go see a counselor or psychiatrist? i think you NEED to. if you don't have insurance you should look into the public health clinic. most places have them i think. even planned parenthood should be able to refer you to the services that are available if you don't have a lot of money. there ARE people out there to help you. you just need to find them.

no, no insurance . thanks for the suggetions on who to call/talk to. I never thouhgt to call PP.

[scatterbrainedmom]

Originally Posted by Gale Force

What resources do you have? Can your grandma help you a bit? Is your former depression support system in this same town that you live in? Get it shaking again if so.

no, she is an hour or more away. i never really had a support system.

[Gale Force]

Would your grandma be able to come every few days? How able-bodied would she be to help? Did you go to therapy before? Can you go back to the same doctor you saw before?

Here's another issue: your body is really depleted of nutrients because you have just had 3 babies in a short time. You need to make sure that your food is rich in nutrients. How is your current diet? There are lots of nutrients you should be getting extra of right now, but top on my list for a breastfeeding mom with depression would be something rich in omega 3 fatty acids. Cod liver oil would be my pick -- Nordic Naturals in particular.

[Gale Force]

Perhaps if you can give us some info on your location (your state maybe) someone here will have some local resources for you.

[scatterbrainedmom]

Originally Posted by Gale Force

Would your grandma be able to come every few days? How able-bodied would she be to help? Did you go to therapy before? Can you go back to the same doctor you saw before?

Here's another issue: your body is really depleted of nutrients because you have just had 3 babies in a short time. You need to make sure that your food is rich in nutrients. How is your current diet? There are lots of nutrients you should be getting extra of right now, but top on my list for a breastfeeding mom with depression would be something rich in omega 3 fatty acids. Cod liver oil would be my pick -- Nordic Naturals in particular.

my grandma live too far away and is too old (her words, not mine) to come down . My aunt comes down a few days about every month and really helps out. I have friends that live close, but it is really hard for my to ask for help. I guess I just feel like other people would think I can't do it, even though most of the time *I* feel like I can't.

As for doctors, I just used whoever could get me in the fastest and never went back to them. I would get a 6-12 month script from them. I never felt comfterable with tem to continue seeing them. Maybe if it was someone other than a GP I would have made more of an effort to go back. The doc that initialy diagnosed me with depression and anxiety was great and I really like her. she was one of the docs that would set aside time to talk with you. But she either moved away or wasn't covered by the insurance that I had anymore.

I did email a facilty that deals with PPD to ask if they had a program for families that did not have insurance and haven't heard back yet.

[scatterbrainedmom]

Originally Posted by Gale Force

Perhaps if you can give us some info on your location (your state maybe) someone here will have some local resources for you.

i am in the houston texas area

[Gale Force]

Originally Posted by sdurdin

I have friends that live close, but it is really hard for my to ask for help. I guess I just feel like other people would think I can't do it, even though most of the time *I* feel like I can't.

Well, with PPD you really can't do it by yourself. You need to ask for help. Your friends will understand and may be glad that they are able to help you in your crisis situation. Perhaps when it's time for baby to nap a friend can help with the other two so that you can get some sleep.

[Tofu the Geek]

Originally Posted by Gale Force

Check out the top sticky on the forum and follow the link.

Thank you. I hadn't seen it as I found this post from the "New Posts" page and hadn't yet been to this forum.

[Gale Force]

Originally Posted by TechnoGranola

Thank you. I hadn't seen it as I found this post from the "New Posts" page and hadn't yet been to this forum.

No problem TG. I probably visited this forum 20 times before I even noticed it.

[jstar]

Originally Posted by sdurdin

I did email a facilty that deals with PPD to ask if they had a program for families that did not have insurance and haven't heard back yet.

cool. call PP right now and see if they can help you find out what is available. i have always found PPs employees to be helpful non-judgemental people.

i know it is hard to ask friends for help. and that is too bad your grandma is far away. thank god your aunt comes and helps--that is awesome.

i assume your dh works out of the house during the day while you are at home? he is probably exhausted but how about asking him if he will take the 2 older kids out to pizza AND to the grocery store (write him a list) after work when he gets home once a week. or on a weekend. just something to give you a regular break you can count on to focus on sitting on your butt on the couch nursing your new babe and watching the boob tube or doing some other thing that does not make you feel like you should be giving the other 2 kids more attention. and then ask for another time when he watches the little baby for a couple of hours and you take the 2 bigger kids to the park or some other play fun thing where you just get to focus on playing with them and having a good time. are you exclusively bf? does the baby take a bottle? i've already decided that with my next baby dh is doing some night feedings with formula and/or breastmilk. because he hasn't done a single night feeding ever and i think i almost went consequently insane.

asking him to do more EVEN if he is tired from working (hello you are tired from mom-ing) will be great bonding for him and the kids anyway. better all around. stress it is *necessary*

[scatterbrainedmom]

i would love to have him take the older boys, but he works till 9 or 10 every night and his only day off is Sunday. and i want to spend time with him too. It sux living so far away from family but my aunt is just great when she comes down to help me.

[MysticHealerMom]

mom-to-mom support group

Hi,

you can call these women: www.babybluesconnection.org

a therapist is great, too, but most don't know that much about PPMD (mood disorder), and these women have been there. you can send email, or someone can call you back if you leave a message on their machine, and if you live in the portland, or. area, they have weekly group meetings.

best wishes,

Lori

[scatterbrainedmom]

I called my mw and she said i needed to be taking more omega 3 than I was. I was only taking 2 and needed to take 6. I don't really feel a change. As much as I love my children I wonder why I had them if I can't take care of them properly? I am a sahm, why do i need someone to come help me? I hate that I feel like a total failure as a parent. I used to think I was the best mom in the world, right now I feel like the biggest failure as a parent. I tell my dh about my day and he just says the kids need to have better behavior. It is not the kids. it is me! I can't handle them. I have to go to my room or out side frequently because I just want to yell and scream. I know they are acting the way they should for the age they are and irrationally I want them to act more grown. ugh, i am just having a really bad day

[JuniperMama]

You're doing the best you can. This change in your perspective - feeling like you're a lousy parent when you knew before you were a really good one - is just the PPD talking. I had pretty bad PP Anxiety and I thought I was a horrible parent and that I was "ruining" my life and my child's life.

What helped? ASKING FOR HELP! I was convinced that if I asked for help people would judge me and think I was incompetent. It was really the opposite. People were happy to help and it made a huge difference when I let anyone in and didn't feel I had to go it alone.

The other thing that helped was getting on Zoloft which is considered safe with breastfeeding. Once I started Zoloft I started feeling much more normal and was coping much better within a couple weeks...

I'm sorry you're going through this but do hang in there. You're a great mama and this too shall pass (even though I know it doesn't feel like it right now.)