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Addressing the Special Needs of Gifted Children, #7 - Page 16

post #301 of 364
In a word, "yes" -- I have absolutely met moms like that. The main one who comes to mind is the one who drove me to posting on threads like this, joining Mensa, etc. so that I could have some commiseration with people whose kids actually were different in the way that mine are and not have it turn into a competition fest. It is such a relief to be able to honestly talk about dds, what they are doing, my concerns, their special needs (emotionally, educationally...) and not have the other person try to insist that her kid is doing the same or more (when it isn't true).

I do believe that such parents who lie or exagerate like that are insecure and pinning their own self worth on their children's accomplishments. The mom I know who does this was telling me a while back that she thought her niece was "retarded" b/c she didn't speak much at 2 and then went on to say how her kids were speaking in complete sentences at 18 months. Now, I knew her kids when they were 18 months old. The older one was in diapers with a pacifier until she was 3 and didn't speak in complete sentences until about 3. The younger one said no more than 10-15 words until well after 2 and most certainly wasn't combining any words at 18 months let alone speaking in sentences.

It is really hard not to get ticked off and it's not b/c I believe my kids are better (at least not more than any mom believes that her kids are the best ). It is b/c my kids truly have different needs due to their unusual brain wiring, intensity, etc. Their early development (speech, reading, and all of that) is merely a component of their differences. I imagine that it would be irritating to any other mom of a special needs child to have someone else claiming that her kid had special needs as significant if that mom's child didn't really have special needs at all.

I do think that is what bugs me so much about moms who are trying to co-opt a "diagnosis," so to speak, that simply is not true of their children. It minimizes the reality of my child's true needs b/c others are claiming needs and differences that simply do not exist for their children. It seems like every child is gifted (with fabricated advanced development being some parents' way of proving it) which basically makes children who have true needs outside of the norm less likely to have their needs met b/c they are no longer seen as unusual or outside of the norm -- walking at 7 months or reading at 4 is now "normal" b/c everyone claims that her child was doing that too.
post #302 of 364
I haven't met too many of those parents... thank God. Something about me makes people not want to lie about their kids, I guess. The most competitive "parents" I've met have not been parents at all (at least, not of the children in question, unless you count my mother... ), sadly, and I think that's kind of pathetic. The closest thing to this that I've had to deal with on a regular basis is FIL. He's never had a ton of experience around little kids, being a guy who grew up in the 40's & 50's, so he still seems to think that Mike was at the outer edge of child development/human intelligence. For example, when Mike was nearly 3, he could say his alphabet. Apparently, he was one of a very select few, perhaps even the *only* cousin on FIL's side of the family who was capable of this particular feat (this may not be the actual case; FIL may have been the only one who was obsessive and braggy enough to make such a fact known). When BeanBean refused to say his alphabet on command for FIL on his 3rd birthday, he asked me why I hadn't taught it to him yet. "Mike could say the alphabet when he was three, why can't BeanBean?" I nearly fell down laughing, but I didn't say the first thing which popped into my head ("I could read the New York Times when I was three, why couldn't Michael?" ), I just reminded him that Mike was never one to perform like a trained seal, and he shouldn't expect his grandson to be too different in that respect.

There are parents who honestly believe that their kids are brighter than they are, but they're few and far between in my experience. Most people have a pretty good grip on how their kids are doing, what their needs are and how they're developing. It's always interesting to meet a child who is on a radically different track from ones own, or a very similar one. I find that parents of children who are very large, for example, find BeanBean very interesting because he's so much smaller, while parents of very small children find BeanBean interesting because he's the same size as their kids.

Then you get to development, and find that sometimes there's nothing to say but "Yes, he can ____, we're very impressed with that, too." I mean, there's no denying kids at some points, you know? Sometimes people will try (I'm still a bit torked off when I think of the woman who, upon hearing BeanBean speak at 6 months, said, "Wow, he sure mimics words well." : ) but more often than not, they can't think of anything to say. I don't think that BeanBean is profoundly gifted, but he's far enough from average that people are often stunned before they could even think of making up something about their own children. I suppose it helps that BeanBean's most incredible skills are obviously demonstrated (or not demonstrated) if they're there: for example, he's very extroverted and sociable, even when he's tired, and he can swim like a fish. They're not things that I can just say about my kid-- they're things that he's *doing* right in front of other parents. So they look at him and say, "Wow, he can really swim, he's like a little fish!" and I say, "Yes, he loves the water," but nothing else. I mean, if their kid was swimming the same way, we'd all see it because we're all right there.
post #303 of 364
Just posting a small brag about Froglet. She is knocking us out with her phonics knowledge all of a sudden. We had been playing little verbal games with her about initial consonants and letter sounds a bit, and she's totally off and running with it now. (For instance, on my telling her that the valentine she got in the mail was from her Nana and Granddaddy..."Nana and Granddaddy love Froglet. And Nana starts with...N. And Granddaddy starts with....G!") She gets c/k and g/j words wrong a lot, but you can't blame her. She also sometimes gets things wrong that she pronounces wrong (her pronunciation is still quite babyish, interestingly), so that we had this conversation yesterday:

Froglet: "Dis color card is farkly." (Hee. That means "sparkly." Color cards, by the way, are the paint sample cards we made off with at Home Depot; a few have a special sparkly sanded finish.) "Farkly. Fffuh, fffuh, fffuh....farkly. Farkly starts with letter...F!!"

I couldn't quite bring myself to correct her.

She is also now capable of typing some basic words on the keyboard if we help her though it. (We say, for instance, "Cat. Kuh...aaahhh...tuhh." She will then slowly type c, a, t.) It's just neat.
post #304 of 364
Quote:
Originally Posted by loraxc
Froglet: "Dis color card is farkly." (Hee. That means "sparkly." Color cards, by the way, are the paint sample cards we made off with at Home Depot; a few have a special sparkly sanded finish.) "Farkly. Fffuh, fffuh, fffuh....farkly. Farkly starts with letter...F!!"

I couldn't quite bring myself to correct her.
: This is just like the "wuppy" thing, for which I desperately wanted to strangle my mother. My mom and sister and nieces refer to the dog as "Wuppy" (and Wuppers, Wupperbuppins, etc). At WIC, BeanBean looked up, pointed to the "W" on the wall and said, "That's a W, for WIC. /w/, /w/, /w/ is for woman and /w/, /w/, /w/ is for wuppy!" How could I tell him that he was wrong? W *is* for "wuppy;" it's not his fault that it's not "really" a word.
post #305 of 364
lorax, I LOVE "farkly." My dd also substitutes an f sound for many s sounds. My favorite is when she tells me her big brother went on the fool bus. Ds never used any kind of "baby talk" in terms of mispronunciation or mismatched pronouns, but dd is full of them. I think it's cute, especially because of how expansive her vocabulary is; her cute ways of pronouncing words serve as reminders that she is still so little. She will sometimes say, "Where is him?" when inquiring about Daddy. I repeat it back to her correctly, like I think we're supposed to, "Where is he? Oh, he's down in the basement." But secretly, I'm not in a rush for her to outgrow it.

Cute remark by dd today:
Mommy, you are a very good mommy to me.

In her 23 months of life, the number of compliments she has bestowed upon me soooo far exceeds those given by my 5.5 year old son. Oh well, they're different.
post #306 of 364
I love "farkly!"

You know, there are times that I lie about my girls' abilities, well, usually TEAK's because ABKA's aren't as startling yet. No, I never exaggerate, but I have described them as less. I have never done this where she could hear me, but there are people who either wouldn't believe without a demonstration (and we aren't big into performing) or who get mean about it. Some people are so eager to have their kids be the most advanced that I don't want my kids on their radar screens.

I do have to say that part of what I like about these threads is that there are kids who are doing things that mine aren't yet. They are all amazing.
post #307 of 364
Quote:
Originally Posted by loraxc
Froglet: "Dis color card is farkly." (Hee. That means "sparkly." Color cards, by the way, are the paint sample cards we made off with at Home Depot; a few have a special sparkly sanded finish.) "Farkly. Fffuh, fffuh, fffuh....farkly. Farkly starts with letter...F!!"
That is so sweet! I love it.
post #308 of 364
teachma, at "fool bus." I can imagine Froglet saying that. I know what you mean--it's so funny, because she has a huge vocabulary and uses complicated sentences, but she also sounds like a little-little in terms of how she says words. Strangers do understand her, but they tend to "lose" her at times (in part because she's usually saying something bizarre, like "I think the emerald tree boa is throwing up over there," except it's "I fink the emruld tree boa is fwowing up over dere.") She's also picking up these little adult verbal tics, like tacking on, "...or something," "I guess," and "So, anyway." It slays me.
post #309 of 364
Quote:
Originally Posted by loraxc
She's also picking up these little adult verbal tics, like tacking on, "...or something," "I guess," and "So, anyway." It slays me.
Normally a lurker, but a month ago I asked dd a question and she replied "I don't think so." I almost died laughing.

What is it about those tics that are so funny?
post #310 of 364
Ds used to say "Never mind" as one of those adult expressions...at around two, conversations would frequently be:

DS, "Mommy?"
Me, "Yes?"
DS, "Never mind!"

It seemed like an experiment in using the phrase to cease a conversation.

DD likes to used "sometimes" to begin her conversations. The other day, my 23 month old philosopher mused, from her comfy chair in the living room, "Mommy, sometimes...sun gets in my eyes." Totally out of context; she was obviously thinking about the car, where it happens often.
post #311 of 364
I posted a thread: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=411238 in the schooling section here. I haven't gotten too many replies yet and was wondering if some of you might be willing to pop in there and give me your input. We are trying to figure out whether to switch schools for our kids next fall. I hope that I didn't put people off by mentioning that a major reason is trying to find better accommodations for a gifted child.
post #312 of 364
Froglet is also a big fan of "sometimes." "Sometimes [X happens], Mama. Sometimes [X] doesn't [happen], dough." She is also a pro at "Wellll....I don't FINK so." I swear, we should all transcribe an hour of our kids' conversation sometimes. I think everyone would get a kick out of it.

I have a "teaching" (sort of) reading question. Froglet is keyboarding some on the computer, as I said, and tries to phonetically spell words. Today, for instance, along with "cup" and "cat," which she spelled right, she did "momu" (mama) and "truc" (truck). Dang it, these are perfectly sensible ways to spell them, based on phonics! Do I correct her or not? This is additionally complex in my head because she does have a bunch of sight words, too--she can read mama, and I think she can read truck.
post #313 of 364
My youngest still mispronounces a few words (now 4) and it is so cute that I really hope it lasts for a little while longer. My fave that she says is glubs for gloves.

My eldest never really had problems with pronouncing things, and she really understood the semantics much earlier too. One cute memory I'd like to share...

We were teaching her at 19 months how it is more polite when interrupting a conversation to say something like "excuse me but I need something..."

The next day she ran up to my dh while he was on the phone and she says "Excuse me Papa's BUM, I need help in the kitchen". LOL we were howling that she had hear but and understood butt. LOL kids! at least she listens.
post #314 of 364
The stories about the mispronunciations are so cute. Dragon Boy (ds1) calls Monopoloy the game : "Monop-pew-ly". It tickles me so, but he does not like it if he thinks we're laughing at him. So we have to giggle when he's out of the room.
post #315 of 364
Quote:
Originally Posted by loraxc

I have a "teaching" (sort of) reading question. Froglet is keyboarding some on the computer, as I said, and tries to phonetically spell words. Today, for instance, along with "cup" and "cat," which she spelled right, she did "momu" (mama) and "truc" (truck). Dang it, these are perfectly sensible ways to spell them, based on phonics! Do I correct her or not? This is additionally complex in my head because she does have a bunch of sight words, too--she can read mama, and I think she can read truck.
I think it depends on your kid....when ds was spelling things with blocks, I discovered right away that God forbid we should even gently correct - he would just back off totally (a friend of mine calls this "passive perfectionism" - if I'm not right I don't even want to go there). I learned to say, "That's a great way to spell it...and some people spell it this way, too."

Just my 2cw, but I would just encourage her to go on doing what she's doing, because that'll build her confidence. She's smart enough that she'll figure out soon enough that there's a "right" way to spell things. Also, that phonetic awareness is so important when you get to the really big words! I never jumped into that whole word/phonics discussion, but ds is such a whole word reader even now, 5 years later, that I still have to work a little with him on phonics - I write 3 and 4 syllable nonsense words for him to decode.
post #316 of 364
Quote:
Originally Posted by loraxc
teachma, at "fool bus." I can imagine Froglet saying that. I know what you mean--it's so funny, because she has a huge vocabulary and uses complicated sentences, but she also sounds like a little-little in terms of how she says words. Strangers do understand her, but they tend to "lose" her at times (in part because she's usually saying something bizarre, like "I think the emerald tree boa is throwing up over there," except it's "I fink the emruld tree boa is fwowing up over dere.") She's also picking up these little adult verbal tics, like tacking on, "...or something," "I guess," and "So, anyway." It slays me.
That sounds so much like Sophia...she also does the F sound for the S-blends...she said she's "bery fart" one day. And because she uses such large words she does have a bit of trouble being understood by strangers because they just don't expect it.

Sophia says "farkly" too

Sophia also types at the keyboard...yesterday she typed soph but got tired of it and did mom and dad...she wants to type all the time. She has memorized how to spell her name and mom and dad and pop.

She is pretty good at sounding out...but she's sort of learning numbers, counting and such lately...I think the concept just clicked so we are doing lots of counting and adding and subtracting...I had thought she had my brain and would avoid the math side of things but DH snuck some DNA in there apparantly. She's constantly counting..her grapes, my toes...and adding groups if I set it up...she's getting it...I think it's fun for her because it's a new challenge.

Boy I don't get much time to post anymore...but I read everything...baby is tapping on the keyboards now... Ihave had caps lock on twice and didn't notice and had to retype.

WE are in the middle of a thunderstorm...must shut down computer I guess

Cheers
post #317 of 364
Just bumping us. Thanks for the replies on correcting vs. not correcting spelling...I have decided not to say anything besides, "That's one way you could spell it" because Froglet does have the tendency to frustrate easily. I do still worry a bit that it's going to get her all confused, but I guess I'll just assume that she'll sort it out....
post #318 of 364
My oldest dd said Sophia is "wierd"...and I said "she is not" and she said "mom she's just not like other kids her age" and she's right. I have been to 2 playgroups with her this week...she's not wierd..but she's different.

She didn't say it in front of her btw. My oldest is 15.

I went to a presentation by a lady who does clinics for learning disabled children and she said that experts say that kids should not hold a pen and try to write until a whole other bunch of neurological things are in place...at least 5.

Ok...so how do you stop a child who is 2.5 and printing letters...take away the pencil, then they paint them when they paint, or grab a stick and trace it in the sand...I can understand not forcing it but allowing it if they want to try...well that's another thing altogether. It's like trying to stop them walking when they are ready to go. I was there about my 11 year old and the program sounds great but that kind of : me. The lady who was speaking said she wasn't sure she agreed with the experts.

We are battling all sorts of colds and fevers...viruses galore. Nothing serious thankfully. Sophia has had a fever and by has she been in a mood. I think she's getting better...she went to playgroup today and played quite well..no screaming.

How is everybody? It's been so quiet here and on the thread.

Cheers
Carolyn
post #319 of 364
oops...double posted
post #320 of 364
Hello all,

Been reading off and on, decided today was as good as any to jump in Savannah surprised us a month or so ago when we discovered that she can recognize several simple words- cat, dog, owl, fish.... a few others depending on mood. And she now gets great thrills out of identifying letters wherever she sees them. Her pronunciation is off too, but between listening carefully and watching her signs we can usually figure out what she's getting at. Until this week she wouldn't say the letter z at all, even though it was one of the first she identified- she always signed it.

-Angela
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