so how mature should an 8 year old be??

[Diane~Alena]

GRRR I am starting to hate my childrens school. I was informed that my 8 year old daughters are inmature for their age. We were discussing my childrens work this term and the teacher mentioned that my children(twins) are inmature. I was happy at the moment because living in the city we have many 8 year olds that wear tummy shirts and dangly earings. later I was worried though, maybe I am babying my kids to much. My daughters do chores and help with their two year old sister. They play baby dolls and love horses, maybe I should push them towards music and fashion though. I don't know What is an 8 year olds maturity supposed to be?

[Mom4tot]

Diane...I just looked at your dd's pictures and they are adorable!

I'm sorry you have to deal with someone saying that to you

My dd is 10 and she plays with baby dolls, Barbies, loves horses, reads constantly, plays dress up with her little brother...I think society pushes children to be older faster. Maybe even being twins has kept them innocent and in tune with eachother, instead of what society expects from them. I believe in the innocence of childhood and children shoudn't be rushed out of it.

[johub]

I cant imagine that your dd's teacher was referring to the fact that they still enjoy childish play and are not interested in things like fashion and music. These are preferences which IMO are completely unrelated to actual maturity.
I think it is unfair if she didnt give you more concrete examples. For instance, perhaps their social skills seem a little behind the other kids. ( I have often heard this with twins because they can always lean on each other, but it might also be a crock) Perhaps their attention spans are shorter by a little. Perhaps they have a harder time staying on task than would be expected of an 8 year old. Or lesser organization skills.
Just saying "immature" really is perfectly useless. What exactly is she talking about?
And if they are immature, so what!!!
I have a 13 year old and I'd about give my right arm for her to be 8 and playing with dolls and barbies again.

[Alkenny]

I agree with Joline that maybe they are, but she should have given you examples so you know how to approach it. I don't think it has anything to do with how or what they play with or dress, but probably more with how they handle social settings, disagreements, etc.

If you're concerned and want to "remedy" it, I'd suggest calling, e-mailing or writing the teacher a note with your concerns. Conferences aren't the only time to communicate.

[maya44]

I agree that you need examples. If its that they like to play with dolls and are not into fashion....so what.

If its that they can't work out problems with other kids, always need their own way etc...than that is something that can be worked on and will end up making them happier if it is.

[teachma]

Originally Posted by johub

I cant imagine that your dd's teacher was referring to the fact that they still enjoy childish play and are not interested in things like fashion and music. These are preferences which IMO are completely unrelated to actual maturity.
I think it is unfair if she didnt give you more concrete examples. For instance, perhaps their social skills seem a little behind the other kids. ( I have often heard this with twins because they can always lean on each other, but it might also be a crock) Perhaps their attention spans are shorter by a little. Perhaps they have a harder time staying on task than would be expected of an 8 year old. Or lesser organization skills.
Just saying "immature" really is perfectly useless. What exactly is she talking about?

As a teacher of 2nd and 4th graders for the last 9 years, if I were to tell a parent her child is immature (I've never used that word!) I would be referring to the above- work habits and social skills- and not recreational preferences. All of my comments are geared toward behaviors exhibited in the classroom. How would your children's teachers know, for example, what they choose to play with at home? And how would that impact school performance in any way?

[Flor]

As a teacher, when I hear that word used, it might mean, unable to work independantly, lacking confindence, or short attention spans. It could mean a student who whines or pouts at directions, or even a kid who is (too) silly in class. I would love to have kids who were less mature in a fashion/make up/ play sense, and I can't believe the teacher would be talking about that. I would ask her to clarify. Examples.

[Diane~Alena]

I thank you all for you help, I have been super busy so I wasn't able to post.

The context was leading me to believe it was social, hobbies and likes. Elizabeth the one in question has great working abilities and stays focused with out a doubt. My kids are silly in class but rather shy, and quiet during class times. the coversation was about my daughter making new friends when the issue was brought up, so I am sure it isn't her academics. I am going to go and address the issue of the maturity now that I have had time to mull it over.

well it is late and I am pooped as you can tell from my spelling/typing, thanks again.

[Diane~Alena]

Oh I forgot to mention that my children are my eldest kids so they don't sulk or pout they are the peacemakers, so I know that can't the issue. My girls are actualy I feel very mature in their abilities there, they help with their baby sister (2)and 5 year old brother. The only thing I can think of is their dress and fondness for dolls and barbies. I guess i should ask asap so I can clear this up it is just getting me more and more confussed.

[maya44]

Originally Posted by Diane~Alena

I thank you all for you help, I have been super busy so I wasn't able to post.

The context was leading me to believe it was social, hobbies and likes. Elizabeth the one in question has great working abilities and stays focused with out a doubt. My kids are silly in class but rather shy, and quiet during class times. the coversation was about my daughter making new friends when the issue was brought up, so I am sure it isn't her academics. I am going to go and address the issue of the maturity now that I have had time to mull it over.

well it is late and I am pooped as you can tell from my spelling/typing, thanks again.

I am a little confused. In your OP you said that you were "discussing your children's work" when this came up. Now you say it was in a converation about your dd making new friends.

These are different. I think it is very important for you to ask the teacher exactly what was meant and to give examples this way you won't have to specualte.

[shanagirl]

Diane- please make her be specific and if you're willing, let us know what the context was. I am willing to bet it has to do with your dd's being more tender and less worldly than a lot of other 8 year olds out there. I think this is where AP and non AP parenting can show up. The 8 yo girls my dd goes to school with can be harsh and cutting and socially competitive in ways that dd is not. Their parents are more authoritative and detached than my dh and I are. For example, dd came home the other day upset because the school had a science fair where the older children had their own booths and displays, and the younger children got to go see them. My dd was walking around with another girl from her class and they saw a booth that looked interesting so as they were going toward it, dd saw it was a 4th grade girl she knew from a swimming class. So she waved to her. And the little 8 yo she was with said, "Why are you being nice to her? Everybody hates that girl." And turned and walked away from the booth. My dd kept asking me, "Why did she say everyone hates her?" That concept was totally foreign to my dd and it really bothered her. That's the kind of 'maturity' my dd lacks and so she is often frustrated by the other girls at school.

Good luck. PM me if you don't feel like posting a general thread.

[Tinas3muskateers]

Children are all different and I think it is much more "normal" for an 8 year old girl to play with dolls, play dress up, and other childhood games with their friends then to wear a half top and make up. You are doing a wonderful job. Keep them sweet, innocent and pure for as long as they will let you mama.
Also to you for all your losses. I was just at your site and you are very strong!

[Diane~Alena]

I am a little confused. In your OP you said that you were "discussing your children's work" when this came up. Now you say it was in a converation about your dd making new friends.

You are right I am so sorry I should have used the term progress not work. I just think that my children work on many issues in school, social skills and scolastic. The conversations at the end of each term cover many issues my children

work

on throughout the year.