It's not really a school issue, which is why I didn't put it there! 
As some of you know, Dh has been away for 5.5 months now, and we've been having some marital problems to boot. So his calls are not consistent. Ds has been struggling since Dad left, so much so, that I started him in therapy last week. He's had two sessions. He's angry. Pissed. At me.
Today, I went to bring him lunch at school. I didn't have time this morning, so it isn't anything new for me to walk into the classroom 10 minutes before they go to lunch with his. Today, I walked in, and immediately had two other children (not mine!) come running to tell me that ds "knocked down ____" his "best friend"
Now, in all fairness, I don't care for his friend, but have never expressed that to ds. So, when ds comes over to get his lunch, I ask him what happened. He's blinking back tears as he says "nothing" "Nothing? Did you and ___ get into a fight?" "Well, yes, but I was defending myself, he tried to hit me" "Why?" "Nothing happened." Other kids keep walking by, trying to hear 
so I said, "Do you want to eat lunch at home and we can talk privately there?" He nods, so I tell the teacher that I'm taking him home for lunch. Or, forgot, the teacher isn't his regular teacher, a sub and she said that she wasn't in the room at the time. Again, 
So I get ds home and I keep getting little bits and pieces of the story. Friend got mad because he accidentally bumped into him and made him spill paint. No wait, he got mad because ds accidentally spilled paint on his paper. He's not sure why friend is mad. So I ask how it became physical. He said that friend tried to hit him, he told friend "I'm going to kill you" and friend said "Try it" so he shoved him. This, from my very sensitive, very sad little boy.
But I'm still not getting the whole story.
SO I tell him that when I take him back to school, we need to talk with the principal. (she's fabulous, and she knows what's going on at home, and so I know that she's not going to overreact in any way) I remind him that we read the student handbook at the beginning of school and that there are rules against physically attacking another student and that the school will punish him. He said fine. So when we got back to school, he gave the principal a somewhat the same version (typical of the age, I think) of the story. She, like me, knows there's more to the story, and so she told him that she would have to talk to the other students and the teacher to decide if anyone would need to be disciplined. So he went to class. And she and I talked for a few minutes, and she said she'd let me know what she found out.
I'm just so very sad. I know he's having anger issues towards me; I guess I never imagined it would spill over into the classroom. I don't know that I should have gotten the school involved, but I'm pretty sure they'd have found out anyway, and for me being as involved as I am with his classroom on a daily basis, the principal would have known that I already knew something had happened. I want to continue an open relationship with her and with his teacher, as I believe it can only benefit his learning experience. But he's my baby. Obviously, I don't want him in trouble, I do however, want him to understand the consequences of his actions. The rules are in place for a reason, and if he's at fault, then he needs to face the consequences....however, these aren't normal circumstances for him and I'm hurting so much, just knowing how much he's hurting. I just don't know.
Did I do the right thing? Was I way off base? Please, be gently honest with me!!
As some of you know, Dh has been away for 5.5 months now, and we've been having some marital problems to boot. So his calls are not consistent. Ds has been struggling since Dad left, so much so, that I started him in therapy last week. He's had two sessions. He's angry. Pissed. At me.
Today, I went to bring him lunch at school. I didn't have time this morning, so it isn't anything new for me to walk into the classroom 10 minutes before they go to lunch with his. Today, I walked in, and immediately had two other children (not mine!) come running to tell me that ds "knocked down ____" his "best friend"
Now, in all fairness, I don't care for his friend, but have never expressed that to ds. So, when ds comes over to get his lunch, I ask him what happened. He's blinking back tears as he says "nothing" "Nothing? Did you and ___ get into a fight?" "Well, yes, but I was defending myself, he tried to hit me" "Why?" "Nothing happened." Other kids keep walking by, trying to hear so I said, "Do you want to eat lunch at home and we can talk privately there?" He nods, so I tell the teacher that I'm taking him home for lunch. Or, forgot, the teacher isn't his regular teacher, a sub and she said that she wasn't in the room at the time. Again, So I get ds home and I keep getting little bits and pieces of the story. Friend got mad because he accidentally bumped into him and made him spill paint. No wait, he got mad because ds accidentally spilled paint on his paper. He's not sure why friend is mad. So I ask how it became physical. He said that friend tried to hit him, he told friend "I'm going to kill you" and friend said "Try it" so he shoved him. This, from my very sensitive, very sad little boy.
But I'm still not getting the whole story.SO I tell him that when I take him back to school, we need to talk with the principal. (she's fabulous, and she knows what's going on at home, and so I know that she's not going to overreact in any way) I remind him that we read the student handbook at the beginning of school and that there are rules against physically attacking another student and that the school will punish him. He said fine. So when we got back to school, he gave the principal a somewhat the same version (typical of the age, I think) of the story. She, like me, knows there's more to the story, and so she told him that she would have to talk to the other students and the teacher to decide if anyone would need to be disciplined. So he went to class. And she and I talked for a few minutes, and she said she'd let me know what she found out.
I'm just so very sad. I know he's having anger issues towards me; I guess I never imagined it would spill over into the classroom. I don't know that I should have gotten the school involved, but I'm pretty sure they'd have found out anyway, and for me being as involved as I am with his classroom on a daily basis, the principal would have known that I already knew something had happened. I want to continue an open relationship with her and with his teacher, as I believe it can only benefit his learning experience. But he's my baby. Obviously, I don't want him in trouble, I do however, want him to understand the consequences of his actions. The rules are in place for a reason, and if he's at fault, then he needs to face the consequences....however, these aren't normal circumstances for him and I'm hurting so much, just knowing how much he's hurting. I just don't know.
Did I do the right thing? Was I way off base? Please, be gently honest with me!!
that was an issue I mentioned to the principal, but was distracted by the issue at hand. She sent a note home with ds today that neither boy could remember what caused the altercation, so they both must report to her office Monday to discuss ways to insure it doesn't happen again. Nothing about the teacher, but I will talk to you on Monday about that myself. Like I said, it was a sub, and she said she had playground duty and so was "splitting time" 
My ds has severe food allergies, and is NOT to be left alone at school at any time! But that's another issue! 
