Love this thread!I can't say I am non-coercive, but I think I am seldom coercive. I've made a lot of changes since reading some of the stuff on this board and reading the "How to talk..." book over the last several months. I think my relationship with my dd has never been better.
I have to say it was much easier than I thought to take some of what I've learned from Pat, CC and others, as well as the book, and incorporate it. It seems once a particular situation arises a couple of times and I am able to handle it in a non-coercive manner, it just starts to come naturally.
I'm definitely not all the way there, don't know if I will ever be, but I think my dd and I have a great relationship. She is almost 4 so can communicate better than some of the younger ones being discussed here. I have a new baby coming in January and really liked the exampes given about nc parenting with a baby.
I like to use the "Give information" tactic with my dd. For example, she likes to run, sometimes she will run while wearing dress shoes and I worry that she will fall. Instead of telling her she cannot run, I tell her, "You are wearing shoes that can be slippery. If you run, you may fall and hurt yourself". Sometimes she will walk. Sometimes she will run and not fall. Sometimes she will run and fall. If she runs and falls, I am genuinely sad for her if she did get hurt, and I comfort her and tell her I'm sorry she got hurt. I don't get mad. I recognize that for her, the sheer joy of running was worth the risk of falling and getting hurt - her choice. (Usually she wears tennis shoes anyways). Just one example, but again, I am amazed at how we keep finding more non-coercive ways of dealing with more and more everyday things, and it really is great.
Also, I, and now my husband too, are just floored by how often little ones can come up with a good solution that can work for everyone if you JUST ASK THEM WHAT THEY THINK! They deserve to give their input too, and often times it is actually good input!