What do your parents and inlaws say about their decision to circ

[indie]

Both DH and my brother are circed. The first time the conversation came up with my mom I was expecting my first (who we already knew to be a girl) and she told me a horror story about an intact patient at the nursing home she worked at who got an infection because the workers were not properly cleaning him.

The second time it came up with my mom was when I was expecting my second whose gender we did not know (another girl) and my mom told me that her doctor had told her that she didn't have to do it but she decided to do it anyway because she had always heard that it was cleaner.

I haven't really talked much with my MIL because I don't want to make our relationship worse than it is, but she did tell me when I asked about her hospital birth experience with DH that it was horrible when he was circed because she could hear him crying.

Our parents are from the era when circing was at its peak in popularity.

What have your parents and ILs shared about their circing experiences?

[mumm]

Interesting.

I had never talked about circ with my mom until recently. When my son was born all of his cousins were intact, so I never felt like I needed to defend my position. non-issue issue, if you will. When my brother had his first child, a boy, he was circed. That brother also happens to be my mom's favorite child, which she is more than willing to admit to any and all. But... my mom finally told me that she was a little upset about how they made the decision. My bother's wife just left the decision up to my brother since it was a "male" concern. I wan't sure where to go with the conversation with my mom, since all her son's are circd too.

Then, she volunteered that my oldest brother had been left intact until he had 'trouble' when he was 2 years old. After that she decided to circ all her sons, but she has been a little troubled by that decision ever since.

My mil and I would never, ever, ever discuss such an issue. She has 4 boys of whom all are intact. She has only one other grandchild and he is also intact, but I doubt she has ever seen him naked or changed his diaper! I'm guessing that my fil was the one who made the decision since he is pretty leary of any western medicine. Her son, the father of her only other granchild, when we called with the news of our son's birth first asked "Did ya cut him?" At that point I had no idea if his kid was intact or not and it seemed rather strange. He never indicated one way or the other his stance. It wasn't until his son was about 8 that my son told me "N has a long penis like mine, not cut." I was shocked because I had just assumed he was circ'd. The family is very pro medical intervention. Pro-medicated birth, pro-drugging kids so they sleep better, very mainstream, lots of antibiotics- "just in case", etc. You can't judge a book by it's cover!

Now, that is all as clear as mud. Right?

[Eman'smom]

My mom had my brother circed "for medical reasons" she wasn't going to but the dr said since his forskin wasn't retracting at 2 days old he needed to be circed

MIL actually thought that ds was circed, it wasn't until this summer (and he is over 4) that dh said no we never did. She said she thought it was cleaner and healther to circ, but dropped it quickly. What was she going to say, he's lived to the ripe old age of 4 without a problem, he wasn't an infant KWIM?

[MonicaS]

This conversation came up w/ my MIL at DH's cousins baby shower(knew it was a boy). MIL said she knew someone who's son had to be done, blah, blah, blah, you know. Then, the next time it came up a couple weeks later, she said that it was just the thing that was done back then. OK, so was it a *choice* you made, or was it just "what was done?" I tend to believe she didn't think about it at all, it was just done. She also claimed that she didn't nurse b/c it wasn't "what was done back then." Are you seeing the trend. DH and I are ONE month apart, and my mom nursed me for 14 mos. Don't try to say it wasn't done. Anyway...


The topic never came up w/ my mom until we found out my bro was having a boy. I sent her tons of info about it to help me get some sense into my bro and SIL. (She lives in town w/ them, and I am a state away.) After I thought she had seen the light, I was telling her how she needs to speak up and tell them that eventhough she did it to him, he doesn't have to do it to his son. She was like, "Well, I'm still not sure that I think it's wrong." I was like WTH?! I have since sent her a couple more really great bits of info, including The Prepuce video. She hasn't responded.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

My oldest brother was left intact since the dr who delevered him didnt beleive in circ but at 3yo he started to have problems from what my mom described to me I think it was just normal balloning with a possible yeast infection but the dr who she was seeing then of course wanted to circ so he was. we got into many debates about it during my pg's when I said I was not having it done.

My fil was awfull after ds was born altho I dont see how it was any of his bussiness what ds's penis was like : He was taking me to the dr when ds was 2 days old cause he developed jaundice and before we even got out of the drive way he brought it up. I said there is no way i would do that to my son it isnt mine to cut on. He then proceeded to tell me about the 75 year old man that had to have it done because of infection

Finally got him to shut up about it when ds was like 3-4 months old when I said when ds was old enough he could choose to have it done with proper pain releif. If he had kept it up I was gonna go ape on him

[Paddington]

my parents didn't circ. my mother decided to not do it (my father wasn't circed) because she found out it was painful and unnecessary. now, she talks about how great the sex is with an intact man. tmi mom! but since she never knew anything different, hard for her to do a comparison .

my father in law is also intact and will go into a rant about how stupid it is to circ. but he did it because he didn't want his son to be made fun of in the locker room.

my mother in law feels that the reason california's rates are so low in terms of circ is because of all the immigration and pretty much just says, everyone was doing it, so it was the right thing to do at the time. she was a nurse.

[Patchfire]

My mom saw the board they use for circumcisions when she was in the hospital having me, and decided then and there that if she ever had a boy, he'd be left intact. She told me the story at least two or three times before I even graduated from high school, so obviously, no problems there.

MIL still insists that circumcising is healthier, cleaner, and the 'right' thing to do.

[healthymantra]

Not from around here

I'm from the U.K. None of my 3 brothers were circ'd at birth, although the middle one was done at 2 yo, I don't remember why (I was 8). In fact, when he was done, I don't even think they called it circumcision formally. He just had some 'extra foreskin' removed. My Mom was in bits about it, but he recovered well. (To counter the 'locker room' arguement, he never heard word one about it from his friends)
To be honest, when I moved here and 'ahem' saw a circ'd one, I was horrified. I mean embarrassing, jaw-dropping, speechless horror. There was a whole part missing! (One of my fave parts! LOL)
I overcame that horror, and have found my SO (circ'd). We have an 8mo, intact son. I made it clear pre-conception that it would never, ever, be an option, so it wasn't an issue. As it happens, I don't think he would have let them do it anyway, he was immediately so protective of DS!!

As for in-laws, although SO and his 3 brothers are done, the future MIL is very supportive of my convictions. I think that had she known then what she knows now, SO would not be missing a piece.
I'm sure that one of the brothers would be horrified to know that we didn't do it, but it's not his business, right?

Separately....after DS was born, I had a D'n'M with my Dad, just asking if there was anything I needed to know -since SO has no experience, and I've never cared for one so tiny...kwim? Anyhow, he expressed regret that he hadn't had it done himself! I was SHOCKED!!! Apparently (a little TMI) he feels that sex would have been more enjoyable, since his foreskin was always too tight, rendering sex quite painful. I'd never heard of this complication before.

[Frankly Speaking]

Originally Posted by healthymantra

Apparently (a little TMI) he feels that sex would have been more enjoyable, since his foreskin was always too tight, rendering sex quite painful. I'd never heard of this complication before.

For quick fix that won't cost him a penny, just send him this link:

http://www.network54.com/Forum/244184/




Frank

[shaylahc]

My inlaws have NEVER talked about DH's circumcision. They asked me briefly when I was pregnant if I was going to have him circumcised. I said no, and they never brought it up again. My mom OTOH (who has no sons : ) got into a screaming fight with me about it. She is a huge opposer of female circumcision but does not equate male and female circumcision : My father (a European) was intact until he was in his 40s and had to be circ'ed due to recurring infections. I guess my mom sees that as a reason to circ. I basically told her to butt out, that it was none of her business and her opinion didn't matter. I didn't circumcise DS.

[Daisyuk]

Originally Posted by healthymantra

I'm from the U.K.
To be honest, when I moved here and 'ahem' saw a circ'd one, I was horrified. I mean embarrassing, jaw-dropping, speechless horror. There was a whole part missing! (One of my fave parts! LOL)
I overcame that horror, and have found my SO (circ'd).

You too eh? My first reaction was embarrassing too, "OMG THAT'S AWFUL, POOR YOU!!!" along with "They do WHAT over there? Are you serious? THAT'S SICK" and other questions like "Do you mutilate women too?". I suppose I must have ranted for about 10 mins (it was a long time anyway). He was terribly shocked too, poor dear, but he's got over it now and we don't really talk about it.

[mahogny]

My brother is circ'ed, but all through my growing up years, my mom let us know that it was done without her consent, and against her wishes. (He was born in 1968.) She talks about how awful it was to hear him scream as they did it. She also freely talked about, during our childhood and beyond, how ridiculous circ is, and that it's absolutely not needed. So naturally, since I grew up with that POV, it's second nature to me, and even in my childhood I had a "why do people still do that" mentality.

So, when I was pg with my son (we knew was a boy) it was just a no-brainer to not circ. I honestly never saw it as a controversial issue or that I was making a stand; it was just a fact. In fact, I was so naive that I was TOTALLY surprised that people still do that, and that it was even an issue.

However, MIL is from the "circ is a godsend" camp. When I was pg, she said to us, "You're circumcising right?" I replied no, and she said, "Do it. He'll thank you later." (At this point, I thought, "H'mm, has YOUR son (my DH) ever thanked you?" But I didn't say it.)

The next few months were very stressful for me re: circ. MIL sent me a barrage of IMs and emails telling me the wonders of circ. She enlisted family members, (her SIL, DH's aunt) to call us. When we sent MIL some links to some anti-circ websites, she dismissed them as propaganda. But do you know, deep down I think she was trying to get justification for her own decision to circ. I don't think it was a conscious thing at all. But on some level, I think that she thought if her DS (my DH) circ'ed his own son, then she would know that she made the "right" decision to circ HER son, and that he was grateful for it. FIL was intact, and he never said one word to us about it.

I'm going to say this, and I know I'm going to come off as really judgemental, but I'm not trying to be; it's just something DH and I have oberved in our families. I grew up in a highly educated family - everyone in my family holds advanced degrees. Even my grandmother, who was born in 1901, held an advanced degree.

My DH's family, OTOH, has high school educations. In fact, Dh's grandfather completed only the 8th grade. Dh's sister was the first ever in the family to graduate from college. So, DH's family has a LOT less formal education than mine. And I can't help wondering if education has a bearing on our families' completely different views on circumsion...

[Pandora114]

My IL's are supportive of our not Circing.

They left all three of their boys intact.

My mom, spouted off the cleaner garbage but I go "Ok you think dad's penis is nasty why are you married to him then?" it shut her up quick.

[Paper-Bag-Princess]

My side of the family has intact males for generations and nary a problem - ever.

My mil was surprised that we were going to leave Sam intact. She believes in circ'ing more for social status and that being circ'd is cleaner. My dh is circ'd and my mil would never admit that it wasn't in his best interest

Lovin' the mil......not

[njeb]

With my first ds, my mom never had a problem with it, since she and Dad left my brother intact. I was a single mom with my first ds, so I didn't have any in-laws to ask.
With my second ds, I never asked my in-laws why they had circ'ed my dh. Unfortunately, they are now dead, so I can't ask them. My dh was born in the late 40's in a large city hospital, so I wouldn't be surprised if the doctors just went ahead and circ'ed my poor dh without bothering to ask his parents. That was common in the 40's and 50's.
One of the biggest failings of my generation, the baby boomers, is that most of us circ'ed our sons without questioning it. We were the generation that benefitted most from the sexual revolution of the 60's, and yet we turned around and mutilated our boys. Why????

[eightyferrettoes]

MIL's not really a "questioner:" she is one of those sorts who really seems to believe everything she sees on TV. So I'm sure she never even gave it a second thought. After all, whatever Doctor says, goes.

FIL is intact, so it kinda pisses me off that he never fought the system. And neither one of them has to deal with the sexual fallout.

My own mom fell for the story about how my grandfather "had to be circed" while he was in WWII. A lot of women in the family cited that story while I was pregnant with DS. But nobody seems to know WHY Grandpa got circed and whether it was preventable, a result of social pressure, military regulations... and he's long dead now, so we'll never know.

My dad is circed, but completely indifferent to the debate. "Whatever you decide will be fine."

[AntoninBeGonin]

What an interesting topic. Dh and I discussed this just last night. We're thinking about writing a letter to my parents and asking them how can two people as intelligent as they get caught up in the propaganda. I know I've mentioned this before, but when I was 11 or 12 my parents talked to a plastic surgeon about correcting my ear, which has a slight congential defect. I turned them down, mainly because it sounded like a lot of pain for not much benefit. (It wouldn't fix all the problem). Fast forward to my pregnancy with Antonin--"If you had been a boy, you would have definitely been circumcised!" It doesn't make sense at all, does it?

Anyhow, if I ever do write a letter, I'll post the response on here.

~Nay

[alissakae]

No male in my family has ever been circumcised, but, since my dh was cut as a baby we had to research the issue when I was pregnant with my oldest son. I asked my mom about it, and she said that "circumcision is mean"....although my brothers were born in the 50's and 60's my parents NEVER considered having them circumcised (FTR my dad served in the military and was never told he needed to be circumcised and my brothers didn't have "locker room" issues).

My in-laws are not the type to discuss such "personal matters", lol. But they know our boys are intact since we offered them "intact care" information before they were allowed to babysit for us. They have just avoided the issue. They have one grandson who isn't ours, and he IS circumcised (sad, since you'r think his Japanese mother would know better). My in-laws are the type who worry alot about doing things that are socially acceptable, and mil is also a clean freak - so I'm sure it wasn't hard for her to have her boys cut.

[mattemma04]

//

[Attached2Elijah]

my step-mothers answer to circ'ing my brother was 'because our ped told us to'... my dh's mother 'we didn't know any better'.... she is now an intactivist