Originally Posted by DaryLLL
Luk 17:3 Take heed to yourselves; if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him;
Luk 17:4 and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, and says, 'I repent,' you must forgive him."
Biblically, you only need to forgive if the trespasser repents.
Mat 18:21 Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"
Mat 18:22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.
490 times. Pick one. Or combine them. But do not forgive unless the transgressor repents.
Well, praise the Lord and pass me a popcicle, for once, I think we are in agreement!
I totally believe that forgiveness should not be handed out lightly--should only be granted where there are fruits of repentence. Unless it is asked for, I don't think forgiveness has much value, to either party. I know there are cases where the transgressor will never ask for forgiveness, say for example a child who is traumatized for years by a schoolyard bully, and there are those (therapists, counselors, etc) who would encourage that child to forgive the bully "for your own sake, so you can move past this" and I think that's fine, but I don't think it is at all the same as actual forgiveness. I think it is better called "coping" getting over past hurts and moving on with your life.
Forgiveness, IMO, always involves 2 parties, the transgressed and the transgressor. Actually, make that 3 parties, because the repentance is (should be) Godward.
All that said, I don't think that it is my place to judge whether repentance is "real" or not. IOW, if someone comes to me, begging forgiveness, then I should be willing to grant it wholeheartedly, unless/until it has been proven to me that they were not sincere in their repentance.
Okay, so that's a tangent, but I was so excited to actually agree with DaryLLL for once that I had to post, LOL!