I've been reading some, and I just wanted to respond to a couple things...
Wow, some of you should be writers! Reading some of these posts is SO encouraging (and humbling, sometimes). Specifically, I think I need to start carrying a notepad around so I only say what needs to be said--I definitely needed that reminder.
On forgiveness...(if you are still even talking about that...) I don't think forgiveness necessarily requires the transgressor "asking" or "repenting." I have absolutely no control over what someone does to me--I can't change their behavior, their beliefs, or their actions. That is between them and God. (Kind of like I cannot "save" someone--GOD has to turn their heart.)
"Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one." (Matthew 6:12-13) The "as" is a very important word in this phrase. If you continue reading... "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14-15). Pretty strong language!
Forgiveness lies in our hearts, and is for us to resolve before we come to God, regardless of whether the transgressor "asks" or even "deserves" forgiveness. I deserve nothing, yet Christ will forgive me.
I do not submit to my husband because he deserves it, but because that is what I am called to do. I was re-reading this passage today, and this struck me:
"For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." (1 Peter 3:5-6)
Sometimes I think I am afraid of submitting. Not of the act itself, but what will happen if I don't get my two cents in and we don't do things the exact way *I* think we should--what if it goes horribly wrong, and I could have prevented it? (Or even if it just goes a little wrong...like a wrong turn...) What egocentric thoughts--am I so important, so all-knowing (even better than my Father) that I should have control over every decision? God created men and women to fill these roles, and he knows me better than I know myself. Do I not trust that He will take care of me, even if it isn't the path I would choose? I am negating my faith by trying to cover my own behind.
Anyway, so glad to have found this thread! Lilyka - Maybe you could ask your pastor to refer to you a counselor-counselor, not a pastor-counselor. Pastor are great for many things, but it sounds like he is trying to fit you two into a mold. A counselor might be more open to discussing your actual problems. (Kind of exactly what Fish said--hope it's okay that I used *Fish* too, LOL).
whimsy - That must be really difficult! I think I would have had to leave the house while the computer was lying in pieces, otherwise I would have torn my hair out.
My DH and I are just opposite you and your DH--I would have insisted on waiting, he would have bought it that day--so I can understand your frustration.