#2 Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission Thread - Page 16

[laralou]

That is actually a great idea. I might not get on dh's nerves so much if I didn't say every single thing that popped into my head.

[clynnr]

Hi there! I am SOOOO interested in this topic--and would like to get better at it myself. I just happened to run across this thread, and I don't have time to read all the 300+ posts right now, but I will do it soon! Subbing so I don't lose it.

[afishwithabike]

One thing I like to do especially if what I want to say is a rant of sorts. I stop and pray about it for two days. If it is still important after two days I'll bring it up. Often times I can't remember something for two days.

[lilyka]

hey ladies

How is everyone doing?

We had our second counseling session. The pastor totally does not get homeschooling, routien verses strict schedule etc. or what someone would do all day with thier kids. He does get that I want to be teachign and instructing them and that most of what I teach them in a day has bnothing to do with accademics. Dh complained aboutmy house keeping skills, but it wasn't really addressed that part of it is that I probably should be treated for depression. That it is all I can do to get out of bed and mechanialy get through the day and get the kids educated etc. I don't know if we are getting anywhere. he just wants to go through basic listening and communication skills and not really address the affair, the depression, the lack of trust. sure we can talk but there isn't much left to talk about. I don't feel safe sharing myself with him which is fine with him because he isn't the least bit intrested. That is a problem that goes far past communication skills in my opinion.

I also don't think he gets submission. and how it change a relationship.

[afishwithabike]

I had such hope for your sessions. Is there a chance you could go through a NANC counselor instead? They are located at www.nanc.org I feel what you are getting is not the type of counseling you really need. Is this your pastor or another pastor? What are his credentials with regards to counseling. I have a bit of knowledge on counseling and I would love to help you find a better counseling solution or give you ways to work with the one you have. PM me if you'd like.

[whimsy]

here's a silly, but seems like a big deal to me disagreement dh and I are having right now.

My laptop has been limping along. This is the same one i use for all our business activities. Dh is no a computer person (can't even get online by himself) and doesn't really understand how much i use it for.

The power cord connection is loose. You have to wiggle it just right for it to make a connection. Last night, I couldn't get power at all (and the battery only holds 5 minutes of charge) I was totally freaking out. but at the same time, I was alittle excited because i have my new computer all picked out, but we just can't afford it yet. i was thinking," OK this is it. I will get to go buy it now"

Well, DH decides he wants to try to fix the laptop. He starts taking it apart. Now he can fix just about anything, but knows nothing I mean NOTHING about computers. (he asked what the network port was and what it did) i was nervous to say the least. He took it COMPLETELY apart.

Well, he put it back together and it is working (but barely). So I am relieved it's working and thinking i will buy a new one today and get everything moved over while I still can. DH says I have to wait until Friday to buy the new one when we will technically have the money.

I have backed up as much as i can, but I am still nervous.

[clynnr]

Hello again! I've been reading some, and I just wanted to respond to a couple things...

Wow, some of you should be writers! Reading some of these posts is SO encouraging (and humbling, sometimes). Specifically, I think I need to start carrying a notepad around so I only say what needs to be said--I definitely needed that reminder.

On forgiveness...(if you are still even talking about that...) I don't think forgiveness necessarily requires the transgressor "asking" or "repenting." I have absolutely no control over what someone does to me--I can't change their behavior, their beliefs, or their actions. That is between them and God. (Kind of like I cannot "save" someone--GOD has to turn their heart.)

"Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one." (Matthew 6:12-13) The "as" is a very important word in this phrase. If you continue reading... "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14-15). Pretty strong language!

Forgiveness lies in our hearts, and is for us to resolve before we come to God, regardless of whether the transgressor "asks" or even "deserves" forgiveness. I deserve nothing, yet Christ will forgive me.

I do not submit to my husband because he deserves it, but because that is what I am called to do. I was re-reading this passage today, and this struck me:

"For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." (1 Peter 3:5-6)

Sometimes I think I am afraid of submitting. Not of the act itself, but what will happen if I don't get my two cents in and we don't do things the exact way *I* think we should--what if it goes horribly wrong, and I could have prevented it? (Or even if it just goes a little wrong...like a wrong turn...) What egocentric thoughts--am I so important, so all-knowing (even better than my Father) that I should have control over every decision? God created men and women to fill these roles, and he knows me better than I know myself. Do I not trust that He will take care of me, even if it isn't the path I would choose? I am negating my faith by trying to cover my own behind.

Anyway, so glad to have found this thread! Lilyka - Maybe you could ask your pastor to refer to you a counselor-counselor, not a pastor-counselor. Pastor are great for many things, but it sounds like he is trying to fit you two into a mold. A counselor might be more open to discussing your actual problems. (Kind of exactly what Fish said--hope it's okay that I used *Fish* too, LOL).

whimsy - That must be really difficult! I think I would have had to leave the house while the computer was lying in pieces, otherwise I would have torn my hair out. My DH and I are just opposite you and your DH--I would have insisted on waiting, he would have bought it that day--so I can understand your frustration.

[AngelBee]

Mamas....I am having a really hard time with my mouth and my heart.

I am acting mean, spiteful and rude to dh. Things are never fair, I do so much...(which is not true.....i am rather lazy : )

Please just pray for me. I know my marriage is under attack via my thoughts and words

I love him so very much but lately , I treat him the worst out of anybody....even strangers

[afishwithabike]

Sometimes We are roughest on those we love. THey happen to be there when we explode. It can be so hard to treat those around us as well as we should. One thing we need to remember is when we get that way often times it is because we take their love for granted. (Not saying this is the case with you necessarily.) It can be so hard sometimes. Good luck.

[whimsy]

Angelbee - that has totally been me the last couple of days! It was like I had horrible PMS (but not) that wouldn't let up!

I didn't even think about being under attack, but I bet that's what it was.

[mama_b]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

Mamas....I am having a really hard time with my mouth and my heart.

I am acting mean, spiteful and rude to dh. Things are never fair, I do so much...(which is not true.....i am rather lazy : )

Please just pray for me. I know my marriage is under attack via my thoughts and words

I love him so very much but lately , I treat him the worst out of anybody....even strangers

I am the same way sometimes. I am really trying hard not to be.

[afishwithabike]

I hope everybody is doing okay today. I had to get the car fixed so I sort of disappeared today. Today for me was one of those everything I touch turns to crap days. I better not get too deep or try to really help anybody right now. It will probably come up smelling like crap, not roses.

[oldermamato5]

wow,I really do have pms and I'm not so nice either. Everything is getting on my last nerve. Dh told me yesterday I was a grouch. He never says that unless I really am.
I'm praying more and trying harder today.
Love,
Kim

[afishwithabike]

Have you ever heard of peoples cycles becoming in sync by association? I wonder if that can happen over the internet. Humm. Verrrry interesting

[clynnr]

Originally Posted by oldermamato5

wow,I really do have pms and I'm not so nice either. Everything is getting on my last nerve. Dh told me yesterday I was a grouch. He never says that unless I really am.
I'm praying more and trying harder today.
Love,
Kim

DH said this to me two days ago too. Maybe there is something with online cycles... Though I guess I still couldn't claim that, since I'm pg. Thinking about and praying for all of us, and starting a new day!
-Chelsea
P.S. A tip from my midwife to combat blue feelings: eat more protein at breakfast. I just had a hard-boiled egg.

[lilyka]

:

I suppose it shouldn't surprise us that as we walk in obedience satan will attack us at every turn. how much more so when we come together to support each other and pray for each other.

and we must all be on the same cycle. I was PMSing through our counseling. I have to remember though that hormones ergardless of how mean they are are not an ecuse for poor behavior choices.

the counseling is OK. he is going through the Prepare/Enrich materials and he is avery good listener. I just think communicating isn't going to help us much right now. Our first assignment (active listening (sp?) ) tanked because we all we realized is how truely little time we spend actually speaking to each other. I guess I had envisioned moer of a Dr. Phil boot camp someone else just looking at us and saying "heres where you suck and heres where you suck and heres how you need to change." This is fre so we aren't wasting any time and we usually go out to dinner afterwards and joke about pastor D. hes a good guy but funny. So we actually have something to talk about though which is good.

and he did hit on the point last time that it doesn't matter one bit if dh ever wanted children or if he is "into family stuff" because the fact of the matter is that he has 3 children and he needs to suck it up and grow up and be the man he needs to be regardless of what he wants. if he didn't want a family he should have kept his pants zipped. So that was good.

it is 8 more weeks. if we are not any better by then we will find a better counselor. he also said if he feels he isn't helping us or if he feels like he is in over his head he wn't hesiotate to refer us to someone else.

In the end I figure you can't go wrong working on communication skills and the visit are enjoyable enough. And I have to say it is nice that dh is being sociable (sp?) with someone I know. he hates my friends and refuses to socialize with them. he is being downright pleasent. i don't know. maybe he wil start coming to church.

[afishwithabike]

I am glad it sounds like the Pastor is willing to admit faults or shortcoming if he sees them. I have seen people try to counsel things they can't out of pride. I am still praying for you and your family. Sounds like you have hope to cling to.

[oldermamato5]

lilyka you know what? I am seeing you as a woman after the best God has to offer. You are not gonna quit because HE doesn't want you to quit. You are gonna make this marriage work becauae it's right and true and God-ordained. I see you rising above the crap that is dished out to you,on whatever level it is dished, and standing firm for your family. You'll never give up. You are a woman of God.
Love,
Kim

[SheBear]

Hello all! Just breezing by with love and prayers....that's about all I have time for this week. My mom and baby brother (who is the same age as my eldest child) came to visit last week....they live across the country from us. It was a verrrrry busy week, to say the least. Not bad, but not the relaxing week I was hoping for at 2 weeks post-partum!

My baby brother came with ear infections and a cold, and shared all his germs with my toddlers, my dh, and me. Even the baby has been a bit congested, but breastmilk in his nose has helped that. I'm trying to think positively--even though I'm sick now with a doozy of a sinus infection/cold/allergies, I figure at least I'm boosting the baby's immune system, LOL!

Anyway, just wanted to say howdy, and that I'm praying for everyone. AngelBee, I could have written your post....I'm acting rather unlovely myself these days. Someone remind me, how long does it take for a newborn to develop some regular pattern to their nap cycles? There's only so much I can do with him in the sling allllll day....it took me nearly 4 hours this am to empty and reload the dishwasher!!

Lilyka, you are in my prayers, sweetie! I love you so much! BTW, if you get a moment, PM me with your email addy...I want to send you some pictures of my littlest man!

Love to the rest of you, and blessings for a great day!

[afishwithabike]

SheBear congrats on the new babe.