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#2 Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission Thread - Page 19

post #361 of 587
2/4/06 at 4:08pm
Lilyka, do you want to go to Chicago right now?

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post #362 of 587
2/4/06 at 4:27pm
I do really need a break. and it is only over a long weekend.

i am sure his intentions are good. but it is all the voices in the back of my head that keep repeating the worst case scenario drama. That voice that is constantly saying "you can't trust him. you can't trust anyone. Something terrible is going to happen if you dont stay on top of things" (my sweet little inner control freak)

I have 5 weeks to mentally prepare and can always cancel if thigs go south between then and now.

and it will be good for the girls to have some time with thier dad. it will be good for him to have the oppritunity not to bail or rely on me to help. Helps a man build confidence in his parenting skills i tell ya. and i think this show of trust will help our marriage grow. I can give lip sevice to trusting him and letting go of control all I want but here is where the rubber meets the road.
post #363 of 587
2/5/06 at 5:25pm
[QUOTE=lilyka]It doesn't always matter what you feel like doing. Sometimes I give sex to my husband as a way of blessing him. QUOTE]

I really don't know what to think about this thread, seeing some good and some bad, as usual in interpretations of the bible and how some of it is applied to peoples lives. That being said, I was very surprised by this statement. Is sex considered in this fashion in the christian religion? I am wondering, because I never really learned about christianity in marriage, having had no religion since since 10th grade.

My dh is catholic, but of the american buffet type, take what you want and leave the rest, so he really doesn't seem to have any opinions on such things either, at least none he expresses. I know his mother was of this opinion of submissivness, as is described in this thread, and is a very strong woman and certainly part of the decision making process. So I guess I am just curious.

I have only visited the spirituality forum once or twice, and thought I'd pop in and see what this thread was all about. I was raised christian, but really not in any way other than church and ccd, as in my parents didn't really talk about it or make a big deal about it.
post #364 of 587
2/5/06 at 6:14pm
what is it about that statment that bothers you? (or maybe it doesn't bother you)

I don't mean I lay there while he does his thing. I mean I don't wait until i am in the mood. If he is in the mood I accomodate. I would expect the same "accomodating" from him. If he isn't sick or injured but just not in the mood, get in the mood already buddy. A girl has needs ya know. Often even if I am not in the mood there are certain things he will do along the way that make me forget I wasn't in the mood to begin with. Wouldn't have wanted to miss that.

And it isn't just sex. It is a whole atitude of how can I show him he means a lot to me. If he wanted a certain shirt washed for something I would wash it for him. Not tell him "sorry, honey, I am not really in a laundry mod today". if he wanted to go for a walk or out for cofee i would go even if i was not craving coffee. And he does the same for me.

I don't know where people got the idea that you can only have sex if you are absolutely a ball of raging horniness. Sometimes he is hankering for some of that kind of lovin and sometimes more me, if we waited until we were both "in the mood" I doubt we would ever have sex. And sadly that is how some relationships are. and they wonder why they are never in the mood. I wouldn't deny him a kiss or a hug why sex? Its not like it taks all night, its not like I am repulsed by him. Sometimes I am just feeling lazy or distracted. I can get over myself long enough to show my dh some affection. But what if I only did it when I was in the mood. thats sorta selfish. can I not give him 30-60 minutes of my time.

and sex is one of those things. the more you give the more you will be in the mood, the more you want it. Since I decided I was going to have sex wether I wanted it or not I find myself wanting to bless my husband more (even if i could care less about gettin' some, I still want to rock his world most nights, strangely, it brings me great satisfaction to . . um . . . know he has enjoyed the encounter) and find myself much more intrested in being, ahem, blessed back.

I doubt most Christians feel this way and I don't know that the Bible says much about it specifically about sex but it does talk about not being selfish and self seving, not being lazy and only abstaining for a short time by mutual agreement.
post #365 of 587
2/5/06 at 6:40pm
Lol, lilyka, you put it so well. "Raging horniness" flew out the window with the birth of our first son. How awful would it be if I waited until I was really horny to say "Yes" to sex? My poor husband! I get a lot of enjoyment out of "blessing" him that way. And I very much appreciate that he wants me that way even with my saggy body and stretchmarks. He deserves a lot of lovin', and he gets it.
post #366 of 587
2/5/06 at 6:40pm
Lilyka,

I had wondered about that statement, too, but you cleared it up beautifully, and, of course you're quite right. I hadn't thought about it (your statement) in that way, but it makes perfect sense now, and ITA.
post #367 of 587
2/5/06 at 8:01pm
Oh, please, I don't have a problem with it at all! I think it is beautiful and a wonderful way to think about such a special wonderful thing. I love the idea of sex being just another way to show affection and love. I was just wondering if there was a biblical reference or religious, oh I don't the word, ideaology, maybe, But when you explain it the way you do, as being not selfish and self serving, I understand it in that aspect.

I guess there seems to be such a taboo, especially, it seems in the church to discussing sex in any way other than reproducation that I was surprised by the openess of what you said. Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me.
post #368 of 587
2/5/06 at 8:36pm
the best doctine i can think of foes back to the verse about only abstaining for a short time mutually.

I have learned a lot about sex from very conservative crunchy Christian women. You would be suprised what lurks under those denim jumpers. . .

but seriously how can you talk about being a good wife without talking about how to please your dh sexually. The first step to pleasing him is to be willing regardless of how you feel.
post #369 of 587
2/6/06 at 4:40pm
Wow this is quite a topic. I am not sure what else to add except that whenever I have monemts with DH intimate or otherwise I do try to thank him. For exactly what some of the pp have mentioned. I am not exactly a hot young thing anymore. Well neither is he. HeeHee. All in all I think it goes back to our Vows to "Love" for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do you part. That love is more than the "I love you's" mentioned throughout the day/week/month. It is the love shared between both of you. I must say I really appreciate that we are talking about this. Thank all of you.
post #370 of 587
2/7/06 at 10:58am
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka
I have learned a lot about sex from very conservative crunchy Christian women. You would be suprised what lurks under those denim jumpers. . .


afishwithabike-
Dh and I always thank each other afterwards as well. It just seems like the natural thing to do when someone shares something so intimate and special. I think it is the love and respect and comfortableness to be who we are with each other that makes it not just about sex. I know when things in our life are in upheaval, we tend to be more intimate in that way, because it is such a spiritual connection and we find such comfort in being so close with each other. But then again there are the totally "raging hormone" part to it as well ! I'm not sure if that makes sense, because I've never really examined my own feelings until now!
post #371 of 587
2/8/06 at 7:44pm
a totally off topic bump . . . . I have known abut the band Barlow Girl for a long time. didn't care, seemed a little over manufactured blah bah blah anyho, dh got the girls tickets so i coul take them (thanks hun, wasn't planning on going really had better things t do). So glad I went!! This is my new favorite band. everyone should have a listen. They have a sort of Evanessence qualit about them as well as one of them sounds like the lead singer of the Cranberries. hhmmm, two of my favorite bands. . . . And thier newest CD is very worship driven. Nice. Just thought i would share.

So anyone got any testimonies to share from the last couple of weeks?
post #372 of 587
2/8/06 at 9:14pm
hi lilyka
nothing much going on here. just regular stuff. I haven't been as close to the Lord lately. I feel a little distanced from Him. Being a christian for awhile now I know these bumps come. I just ride them through and keep conversing with Him.
post #373 of 587
2/8/06 at 9:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka
it might not be the most fun i have ever have but it burns a lot of calories, .

There are lots of posts on this thread I haven't read yet, but I'm jsut : over this part. Yep, good exercise!
post #374 of 587
2/10/06 at 3:35am
Long not so funny story about this blog. she had commented on my dh blog and I thought she was one of his special internet friends : and I don't remember what I said in my email to her but I wasn't a shining example of Christs love . However she responded with so much love and care and I have so enjoyed reading her blog. It has ben a blessing to me. It is always a blessing to see intellegent young women who loves the Lord. but I thought I would share what she wrote today because it was such a blessing to me and thought it might be encouraging to you too. I should point out she is 22 and unmarried. I wish every girl had thier head on as straight as she does and thier eys so fixed on Christ. (and I have her permission to post this here. . . )

And I'm just talking about women today, because I am one. . . . . Then in other areas, the feminist movement has empowered us to the extent that we're treating our husbands like crap. And I think most of the women guilty don't even realize it. I'm sick of sitcoms featuring the blundering father figure, constantly disrespected by his wife and children. And America just buys the lie. Men become more submissive as their wives step up to lead.. . .
The thing is every individual is dear to the Lord. He has gifted each one of us in creation to a specific role by how he has made us. And I'm not talking about any society's lie. I'm talking about each person being unique and treasured and empowered in Christ. "Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." -1 Cor. 11:3 I don't know about all of you girls, but I have never felt robbed by this verse. God has gifted us in ways that He has gifted no man. He enables us to bear children for goodness sake. (Something I'm pretty sure a man cannot do.) I just don't know why women are so afraid of the word "submission" that they jump over it to domineer their husbands with a life of sharp-tongued disrespect. And guys, if I ever started to reach that point, I would want my husband to lay the smackdown. Which I know is easier said than done, and would probably royally P.O. your wife, and it probably would be easier to grow quiet and introverted trying to avoid her, but if you want to be respected, then act like you deserve respect. Oh my, what in the world am I opening with this post? . . . .I do not see submission in love something that lowers my value in any way. . . . .you can disagree if you want, but I consider myself a pretty strong woman. And yet whatever the idea of "submissiveness" is that's floating around in my head (though I'm not sure I managed to express it in this post), it does not bother me in the least. Perhaps it is easier for me because in my culture, I have a say in who I will marry. But still. The fact is, God commands that I submit to my husband. So I will. Okay, I'm stopping now. If anyone wants to paint a more clear picture of submissive, less of an impressionistic piece, feel free. My fingers have been on a rampage of rampaging, so now I will 'submit' and leave it to you all (if you even care) to continue some thoughts--in whatever direction.

Midaia
lovely isn't she.
post #375 of 587
2/10/06 at 3:43am
Ok so that posted, how would you feel if your husband put you in your place, rebuked you, "lay the smackdown" . natrually my first response would be "how dare he" but honestly at the same time i would hope he would care enough about me to risk it. And I would hope I would be receptiev because I know sometimes i need it. But it would sure be an act of my will not to give into rebellion.
post #376 of 587
2/10/06 at 11:33am
First I want to say how awesome it is to see a young unmarried woman have so much wisdom. Godly wisdom. I sure didn't have it at her age. I was too busy running the show to see anything remotely close. I agree with everything in that quote 100%.
My dh has in fact put me in my place,more than once. And not to *lord* it over me either. My first response is to get angry. But when I am daily seeking the Lord and His ways I can step back and see in a different spiritual light. IF I do get angry,I apologize. Dh *is* my head. I accept that completely,and love the freedom it gives me. I must add I have a very loving,kind dh. It isn't so difficult to submit to someone like him. I truly would be sorely tested by an ungodly acting man professing to be a godly man.
post #377 of 587
2/10/06 at 1:32pm
Ladies, I certainly hope that you are using the term "smackdown" figuratively! Even so, it sounds awfully disrespectful. I believe in submitting, even if he's not being respectful, but not to abuse. And not being in denial to oneself that one is being disrespected.
post #378 of 587
2/10/06 at 7:10pm
I agree CorasMama. The term "smackdown" has an ugly conotation. I certainly don't believe either lilyka or the young woman with the blog meant it literally,but it is a poor choice of a word to use,especially if you've been touched by abuse. I just didn't think of it that way until you pointed it out.
post #379 of 587
2/10/06 at 9:41pm
I think it is a weird midwestern expression . .. our computer is even named smackdown (as in when we log off it is says "you are now logging off the smackdown . . ") I don't know why . . . . I certainly didn't mean anything ofensive by it. It is similar to "laying down the law" or putting your foot down (and I certainly don't know why DH put it on the computer).
post #380 of 587
2/11/06 at 12:17am
lilyka I hear ya.
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Personal Growth & Spirituality  › Spirituality › #2 Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission Thread