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#2 Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission Thread - Page 20

post #381 of 587
Well..........DH got laid off work yesterday after working tons and tons of overtime for months. It will be hard not being the one in charge all day and most nights. It will be a challenge handing the reigns back over to him, but I am glad to have him home for a week or so.
post #382 of 587
sucky. laid off for good or just for a while?

it is a hard adjustment. My dh thinks things are constantly chaotic around here. He doesn't understand that everyone just goes nuts when he walks through the door and I am not going to make the girls do math and clean thier room when they could spending time with daddy. Its insanity. and it is just weird. I am j ust so used to be at the helm during the day at least. And forget about submitting. . .who said he could even have an opinion! It would surely be a test of my comitment to have him home all the time. gees he hasn't been home for more than an hour in over a year. it would throw me for a loop if he just started having a day off.

I will be praying for you guys.
post #383 of 587
Temp layoffs occur a lot in his line of work. He is a Commercial Union Plumber/Pipefitter/Welder. Once a job runs out of work off to the next one. He was 10th on the list though so It shouldn't be more than two weeks. So far he has been good about fixing things around the house. Last time he was laid off all he did was play his PS2. I am very pleased he is not doing that again. It is hard NOT to nag when he would get up after 11:00 eat chips play video games and lay down for a nap at 2:00. Then ask "What did you do today"? Well, even if all I did was take care of the DC it was more then you. NEVER have I said that, but I admit it has been hard a few times. I really am just happy he is not doing that this time.
post #384 of 587
Well, it is very quiet around here. Is everybody doing okay? I am hoping it is a "no news is good news situation".
post #385 of 587
Hi mamas... I'm new to this thread. Dh and I have recently started going to church (after a few years of disillusionment and giving up on it) and are so excited about the things happening in our lives.

I just wanted to share about the sermon on Sunday at church. Our pastor is doing a marriage theme from Ephesians and he was talking about wives submitting to husbands and how that concept has been misconstrued in our society.
A very interesting and enlightening (to me) point he made that when God cursed humankind after the Fall, he said that (forgive me for paraphrasing) the woman would have desire for her husband and the man would rule over her.
I always wondered what that meant. The Hebrew word for desire is the same as used in the passage about when Cain disobeyed God's command and God cursed him saying that sin had desire for him to rule over him (again paraphrasing).
And here's the point I found so intriguing... that the curse on womankind because of the Fall is to want to control their husbands (same as sin wanting to control Cain) and that yet the husbands would rule over the wives (as seen in opression of women through the ages).
Christ of course brings freedom from that curse.... So what I've decided is that I have the freedom in Christ to CHOOSE be a blessing to my dh - and overcoming the curse -(a helpmeet, encouraging, sweet, gentle-spirited etc), or a curse (controlling him, telling him what to do constantly, not being satisfied with anything he does, making him feel less than what he is etc.)
That is such an amazing concept to me....
I just wanted to share!
post #386 of 587
You have the understanding many women struggle their whole lives with...... That it is a blessing to serve, help, and love your husband. I am glad that you have found a church body to worship and learn all that God has to offer. Blessings and welcome.
post #387 of 587
wow thanks for sharing that and welcome to our little thread.

our sermon on sunday was also on submission. It was an intresting persepctive. it had nothing to do with wives and husbands but wht it means to live a life submitted. I think as women it is such a boon to us that we have a chance to practice submission practically with our dhs i think it helps train our hearts to more easily submit to God. When I think of all the things i die to daily in submitting to my dh- how much easier for me to walk in submission to God with those things already out of the way!

I don't know how long it takes for them to get the messege up but if you would like to hear the it, it should be here sooner or later. I think the title was "missing person".
post #388 of 587
Just a question for you "experienced" submitters...

Can you tell me how you encourage your DH's to be the head of the home? DH and I struggle with this. He says he makes decisions and leads all day long at work, and when he gets home he just wants someone else to do it, yet I am trying to submit to him... Is submitting in this case leading?

It doesn't quite seem like that should be the case, but he defers to me in everything related to our child, and food (usually), and almost always chooses things because he *thinks* I'll choose it (or because I mention it). He is a very caring, sensitive husband, and I am very lucky to be his wife, but I struggle with having to take the lead when I'd rather play the supporting role.

Just recently, he actually sought out two different churches for us to try out (the one we have been attending is not working for us, mainly due to child care issues--as in sometimes they just don't have any, and on every invitation we get it says, "Make other arrangements for your children," or "Children are welcome, but no childcare will be provided." It's difficult to pay attention and be ministered to when you have a sixteen-month old screaming and climbing and eating and....on you during service or a bible study.). I was so happy! We went to one of them last week, and I can't get him to tell me whether or not he liked it and wants to go again, or if he hated it.

It's hard to say all of this, because it seems like I shouldn't fault him for trying to do things that please me, KWIM? But I feel like I have very few things I can do to please him, because he just says he wants me to be happy. (What a sweetie )

What does submission look like in real life in your home? Maybe some random daily examples will help me figure this out.
post #389 of 587
clynnr In your case leading is submitting. It is how he would prefer to run things in your home. If you get him to lead then you are the instagator therefore it was done out of an improper spirit. Does this make any sense? Sounds like he puts full trust and faith in your ability to run the home, I'd go with it unless he says something different. Blessings mama.
post #390 of 587
Thanks! It seems so simple when you put it that way--it was so complicated in my head, LOL.
post #391 of 587
I don't think leading is the answer. That is a position he will best fill if you stay out of it. However if he gives you the reigns for food and childcare whatever (its not like youare defying him or tellinghim to eat his veggies. i am assuming he would tell you if he thought you were offbase or hated a certain meal right?) it is because you are already in agrement.

Is he asking you for permission for stuff? Does he have to get your OK?

I think so ong as you tread purposefully and work hard not to go against him, make desicions without him (chances are a lto of this stuff he just doesn't care about, but always be mindful for if he does, and make an effort to go beyond keeping him in the loop, make sure he always knows he has the power to take charge anywhere he feels he needs to etc. . . )

I am kinda rambling, there is a difference between making a descision in a place he put you and takign control. examine your heart. would you be crushed if he sudenly decided he needsmore oversight in an area? if he suddenly wanted sopmethign contrary to what you wished? Do youconsider him and his preferences when making these decisions? Does any of this mak sense?

if I bugged my dh about aproveing tyhe grocery list he would go insane with the banality (banalness? whatever) of it. At the same time he has made it clear how he feels about me shopping at walmart, what things he likes brand names on, what he hates, what he likes, he would never stand up and say "you can't, must, should" concerning the groceries because in the end even his preferences in eating and drinking are not that important to him but i can honor him and submit to his desires if not his outright commands (commands is such a harsh word .. ) he would rather roll over and dies than discuss the merits of different curriculums and homeschooling philosophies or even lok at what I have bought or discuss how much I spent on it but he is intrested in if tey are keeping up and I know whithout asking that he would not be fond of unschooling so i don't even go there. So it could appear I was controling in that area but if he ever asked me to do it differently i would without hesitation or at elast be willing to discuss it, try it, whatever. Again even though he takes a hands of approach it doesn't mean I have usurped his position of leadership. I am making descisions but he is stil the head.
post #392 of 587
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka
I don't think leading is the answer. That is a position he will best fill if you stay out of it. However if he gives you the reigns for food and childcare whatever (its not like youare defying him or tellinghim to eat his veggies. i am assuming he would tell you if he thought you were offbase or hated a certain meal right?) it is because you are already in agrement.
He would tell me if he didn't like a meal, and he would probably "question" me if he thought I was offbase w/Livi. He tends to voice his opinion through questions, not statements. For example, he would say, "Don't you think it might work better this way?" The control/research freak in me wants to respond by pointing out the reasons it wouldn't, and why this other approach is better, but I am starting to realize that he is *really* telling me what he thinks (not actually asking me a question). Does that make sense? That has been a difficult one for me to learn, and even more difficult to learn how to respond with submission.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka
Is he asking you for permission for stuff? Does he have to get your OK?
No, definitely not. In fact, he seems to assume that I will make decisions about things like he does--he is always surprised when I say to him, "I would never make that kind of decision without your approval!"

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka
I think so ong as you tread purposefully and work hard not to go against him, make desicions without him (chances are a lto of this stuff he just doesn't care about, but always be mindful for if he does, and make an effort to go beyond keeping him in the loop, make sure he always knows he has the power to take charge anywhere he feels he needs to etc. . . )

I am kinda rambling, there is a difference between making a descision in a place he put you and takign control. examine your heart. would you be crushed if he sudenly decided he needsmore oversight in an area? if he suddenly wanted sopmethign contrary to what you wished? Do youconsider him and his preferences when making these decisions? Does any of this mak sense?
It makes a lot of sense. It's the difference between being in complete control and taking care of the things he wants me to take care of. The only problem is that it's such a fine line... I think your suggestion to "tread purposefully" is very wise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka
if I bugged my dh about aproveing tyhe grocery list he would go insane with the banality (banalness? whatever) of it. At the same time he has made it clear how he feels about me shopping at walmart, what things he likes brand names on, what he hates, what he likes, he would never stand up and say "you can't, must, should" concerning the groceries because in the end even his preferences in eating and drinking are not that important to him but i can honor him and submit to his desires if not his outright commands (commands is such a harsh word .. ) he would rather roll over and dies than discuss the merits of different curriculums and homeschooling philosophies or even lok at what I have bought or discuss how much I spent on it but he is intrested in if tey are keeping up and I know whithout asking that he would not be fond of unschooling so i don't even go there. So it could appear I was controling in that area but if he ever asked me to do it differently i would without hesitation or at elast be willing to discuss it, try it, whatever. Again even though he takes a hands of approach it doesn't mean I have usurped his position of leadership. I am making descisions but he is stil the head.
So what happens if he asks you to do something you are really against? This last paragraph made me think of an ongoing discussion we've been having about baby #2 (due in seven weeks). I am really against circumcision, but he is really for it. (Please, if you are an intactivist, don't tell me to refuse consent, etc.--I have read the forum and know all the arguments. I am simply looking for info/advice on submission in this respect.) Do I submit to his decision and do the circumcision? My heart says yes to that question, but it also breaks for my (maybe) son...
post #393 of 587
oh, that is just such a tuchy topic around here.

So you're sure your having a boy? . . .

my first step would be prayer and fasting, ok so fasting from food isn't so much an option but really really be in prayer about this and have your friends be in prayer etc. . .

gotta run will finish later.
post #394 of 587
I know it's touchy, that's why I haven't posted about it anywhere but here. I'm hoping someone can help me understand it from a position of submission.

No, not necessarily a boy--it's a surprise! We got lucky and had a girl last time, so it ended up not being an issue. This time, I just have a feeling that it's a boy. DH has agreed to wait until at least eight days after he's born (if it's a he), and that he HAS to be there, and they have to give pain meds, but he is not budgeable on the issue. Prayer is definitely happening. :
post #395 of 587
Can you discuss circ from a Christian perspective? My understanding is that it is specifically against the Bible.

And the consensus seems to be that you don't have to submit to something that specifically violates Biblical principles.
post #396 of 587
Ok sorry about running out . . .

In the end i would submit. but I would fight for this until the very last minute and it would take time to heal. But I would have to force myself to get over it fo the sake of my marriage. Unforgiveness towards your husband has no place in a submitted heart (not that it is easy ).

maybe it will be a girl . . . (I prayed for a girl with my first one because i wasn't sure how serious dh was about not getting it done)

waiting until day 8 is a good start. time to fall in love with him just the way he is. time to see your heart breaking. time to change his mind.

post #397 of 587
Clynnr, I bumped a thread titled, "Why Christians should not circumcise" over in Religious Studies.
post #398 of 587
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka
In the end i would submit. but I would fight for this until the very last minute and it would take time to heal. But I would have to force myself to get over it fo the sake of my marriage. Unforgiveness towards your husband has no place in a submitted heart (not that it is easy ).
But the issue of submission ends when it affects the body of another person does it not?
post #399 of 587
Thanks, eightyferrettoes, I'll go read it.

I really am hoping he will fall in love with our (maybe) son just as he is. I am also hoping that his insurance will suddenly decide to not cover it (as MA recently decided in our state). Many things to pray about. :
post #400 of 587
This is a wonderful, wonderful article about why Christians should not circ, too. Really one of my favorite articles on the subject:

http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/christian.html
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