#2 Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission Thread - Page 23

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by lilyka

Hi I just wanted to let you know that Hannah passed away in the early hours of the morning. Please reemmber her family today.

I am so sorry.

[lilyka]

Ok so I need you wise ladies help.

this is a lose/lose situation.

So I need to lose as best i can.

Went away for the weekend. Dh was amazing. the girls had a riot, he was super dad and even fixed things around the house.

and he went shopping since he didn't luike my cooking utensils.

I have been working really hard to do four things in my kitchen.
* cut the clutter.
* get rid of plastic.
* get rid of teflon.
* make sure portions sizes we small.

and I was so sucessful. This weekend was the crowning touch whenI went to IKEA and bought smallish plates and bowls for my children (need I say for cheap ) so that thier helpings couldn't help but be small. Yay me. all our storage wear is glass. our pot is stainless steel and our three skillets and dutch oven (from small to freaking huge) are cast iron. everything fits into our 4 cupboards with room to spare.

So while I am away he outfits my kitchen with enourmous portion sized, teflon coated cooking stuff. a huge griddle thing and a giant muffin tin. I don't get it. whywould he but cookware for the weekend? why wouldn't he consider the fact that the only teflon in the house is his one little skillet that he has to have. does he not get it that I never use that pan? Does he not see the cast iron I keep stored on top of the stove?

but if I say anything I am doomed.

If I am anything lss than enthusiastic he will take it as a personal slight.

If i don't say anything and tell him I love it, I risk him buying more.

I will not use this stuff for my kids. however he is now king of breakfast and he will. and I can't just casualy take over because he thinks he is doing such a huge big favir. but he didn't bothr to ask how I felt about stuff. he is cooking like his mother. teflon seasoned everything. Nothing whole grain. nevermind that I just tortured my children for a month helping them aquire a taste for porrige. spening a lot of money finding what types we could choke down. will he ever ask fo rmy recipes? will he ever even think to make this stuff for them? Does he care that I have researched and have solid evidence and actually think beyond the check book and cravings when i plan what we will eat? does he not realize that I consider this one of the most important aspects of parenting? what I feed my children and how I cook it? He has no clue how we eat, how we cook anything, he hasn't done a bit of research on what is good and bad, has never questioned what his mom did in the kitchen or what the man tell him is good or bad and yet if i utter one word against these pans or what is cooked in them I am the bad guy.

what do I do?

do I just suck it up?

I cannot think of one way to adress thiswithout ruining everything.

[afishwithabike]

I would do like we do in our kitchen. DH does HIS thing and I do mine. The good thing is that I cook, prep food and serve waaay more than he EVER does. I know how hard it is when you are the one trying to do ALL the healthy stuff for your family. I watched as my Mom used to slave over a healthy meal and Dad would come home and eat this nasty processed ham or something like that. UGH. I used to listen to Mom cry about how he didn't seem to care about himself. I have learned to give DH space and not But into his kitchen time and he doesn't but into mine. If he tries I just teasingly say HEY! GET OUT of MY kitchen. He does likewise. I am praying you find what you are looking for I am praying for you.

[oldermamato5]

lilyka,you can't just crush him,but as afishwithabike so eloquently stated,you do your thing,he does his. When your cooking,great. When he cooks with his poison coated cookware just stand back and let him. It is not worth a fight.
Just my 2 cents worth. Pick and choose your battles. As for the kids,aren't you the main chef most of the time? I don't think it will hurt them to eat from their dad once in awhile.

[lilyka]

its not just what he cooks for them because that isn't such a big deal really. but if I so much as don't gush over it it will be one more thing i don't appreciate (in his mind) and one more way he isn't good enough. So I feel like i have to lie when he mentions it or whatever. So what if he says "hey, did you see the great stuff I got you" in my mind I will be going over all the ways I hate it and how I wish he knew me well enough to care about what was important to me. but with my mouth I will have to tell him I love it. but what if he then buys me more. he would be ticked off to find out I didn't appreciate it. ticked off if he finds out i was faking that i did like it. and risking that he will buy more only to find out my true feelings and then be mad that he wasted his money because I lied. I feel like I can't win here.

[eightyferrettoes]

hey, lilyka, I'm obviously about as submissive as a pitbull, lol, but does your DH know WHY you have done all that work to ditch the teflon?

My understanding is that the stuff is toxic as the day is long, and fixing to be banned by the EPA for that reason. He can't be expected to keep up with the latest and greatest news on cookware, so maybe you could fill him in? I don't think it needs to be adversarial, just informative.

Cuz the lying thing is obviously not gonna cut it here.

[weliveintheforest]

Originally Posted by lilyka

its not just what he cooks for them because that isn't such a big deal really. but if I so much as don't gush over it it will be one more thing i don't appreciate (in his mind) and one more way he isn't good enough. So I feel like i have to lie when he mentions it or whatever. So what if he says "hey, did you see the great stuff I got you" in my mind I will be going over all the ways I hate it and how I wish he knew me well enough to care about what was important to me. but with my mouth I will have to tell him I love it. but what if he then buys me more. he would be ticked off to find out I didn't appreciate it. ticked off if he finds out i was faking that i did like it. and risking that he will buy more only to find out my true feelings and then be mad that he wasted his money because I lied. I feel like I can't win here.

hi! Before I say anything, I should introduce myself real quick, I'm not a Christian but I do lurk in your thread occasionally because I find your devotion to your husbands inspiring, even if I do not believe in the bible. This is said with love.
I just want to say I think you can let him know you appreciate him thinking of you, and you appreciate what he does around the house without saying you like the teflon. I don't know the exact words or anything. You should not feel bad for feelig less than thrilled about his purchase, even if he is mad at first, maybe when you explain why you don't like teflon he will be understanding?
I hope it works out.

[afishwithabike]

I totally agree with you weliveintheforest. You can show grace without being sold out happy about it.

[lilyka]

oo hey if a ban is coming son that would rock. I could blame it on something else. "Oh you poor man. here you did this sweet thing but look what I saw on the news today . . . ." and no he obviously has no idea I have even stopped using teflon. I think he just thinks we ran out. (even before I did research it has freaked me out as it started coming of. I mean it is going somewhere). I just wish he had asked me if there was a reason. I wish he knew how passionate I was about this. I am on a freaking mission to rid the world. I made my friends get rid of thiers. You think if he knew me at all he would have cought on at the very minimum . . ."wasn't there something she was ranting about in the kitchen . . . ?"

the irony of the thing is that I am making Irish food for the fam for St Patricks day. one of the recipes I decided on requires a ginourmous non-stick muffin tin. Just exactly like what he bought. what are the odds of that. the up side is they tell you how to fashion tin liners for it. saved by the parchment paper. . I guess if I an cover it and wash it seperately I can live with it for its limited life span. and then when it starts to wear out specifically ask him to pick up something specific "as in honey, my muffin tin is begining to loose its stuff. would it be ok if we got a stoneware one . . . ?" he is pretty good with suggestions but I have to stay on top of it and suggest/ask at the right time.

thanks for all the input.

[eightyferrettoes]

Originally Posted by lilyka

oo hey if a ban is coming son that would rock. I could blame it on something else. "Oh you poor man. here you did this sweet thing but look what I saw on the news today . . . ." and no he obviously has no idea I have even stopped using teflon. thanks for all the input.

There was a thread about the ban on N&CE awhile back, I think... we've got teflon pans right now (DH's from before we got married), but like you, I've always been a little wary of them. AND they suck anyway.

If I could get the scratch together, they'd be gone TOMORROW. Maybe the cast-iron fairy will descend upon the kitchen for my birthday.

Reminds me, I should print off some articles to put in the bathroom before the very same thing happens to me! Men don't listen, and that's a scientific fact.

[oldermamato5]

you know lilyka,I think what really hurts/bugs/confounds you is the fact that you are so VOCAL about teflon and he isn't hearing you. I must say my dh can be the very same way.

[afishwithabike]

Good idea lilyka. I have to do the same thing sometimes. My issue is that DH forgets we "don't have something" and asks EVERY time he goes in the kitchen to cook. He constantly forgets that we don't have tongs or a butter dish. oh well.

[afishwithabike]

How's everybody doing?

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by afishwithabike

How's everybody doing?

Good And you?

[afishwithabike]

No too badly. I finally broke down and told DH about all the health issues I have been silently dealing with and why I have an appt with the Natural Path tomorrow. He asked my why I didn't just go to a "regular" Dr. (I am sure it has to do with the insurance coverage). When I told him that they'd immediately put me on Birth control he agreed that the Natural path was the best option. Please keep praying for us. It may be a difficult road ahead. Blessings ladies.

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by afishwithabike

No too badly. I finally broke down and told DH about all the health issues I have been silently dealing with and why I have an appt with the Natural Path tomorrow. He asked my why I didn't just go to a "regular" Dr. (I am sure it has to do with the insurance coverage). When I told him that they'd immediately put me on Birth control he agreed that the Natural path was the best option. Please keep praying for us. It may be a difficult road ahead. Blessings ladies.

:

Good luck at your appointment tomorrow.

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by lilyka

Ok so I need you wise ladies help.

this is a lose/lose situation.

So I need to lose as best i can.

ok i know your haveing a hard time but that has to be the best way to put a lose lose situation

but to help you i would print some stuff off on how bad that stuff is for you and leave it out where he would see it. then after you know he has read it. i would pick it up and say "have you read this omg this stuff is really bad for you hmmmm i had no clue" this however would only work if you and him have never talked about it before : thats all i can think of so that you dont have to say anything to him

[mamajama]

Originally Posted by lovebug

ok i know your haveing a hard time but that has to be the best way to put a lose lose situation

but to help you i would print some stuff off on how bad that stuff is for you and leave it out where he would see it. then after you know he has read it. i would pick it up and say "have you read this omg this stuff is really bad for you hmmmm i had no clue" this however would only work if you and him have never talked about it before : thats all i can think of so that you dont have to say anything to him

Is lying not a sin though?

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by mamajama

Is lying not a sin though?

oh it is but it was all i could think of so she would not have to say anything right to her DP.

***the hmmmm i had no clue, was kinda a joke. thats why i put the there. i guess it got taken the wrong way sorry :

[afishwithabike]

Here's a bit of an update since my natural path visit. My hormones are still waaay out of sync and I am on some different stuff. I am currently trying to figure out if I had a miscarriage as far as I knew I wasn't pg but some of the indications lead to believe I was. My uterus tested really weak. I FINALLY told DH about my pg suspicions last night. I am wondering if I should have been keeping him more in the loop with all this stuff or not. He is on his shutdown work at a local refinery so he is at work and still has school three days a week. I didn't want him to worry or feel bad for being gone and leaving me to run everything. Is this wrong? Should I keep him up to date? It sort of feels like I have been hiding stuff but that isn't really what I'm trying to do. Please give me your opinions.