Just real quick, in response to Mamajama's first post (#61)...
I haven't read the other responses yet, but I just wanted to say that, IMO, if this is a new relationship, and if you are taking it slow (as I surmised from your context), then IMO, you may not even need to have a talk about roles, submission, etc, at this point.
Since you are long-time friends, obviously you already play roles in each other's lives. It seems to me that you are personally searching right now, figuring out what role you want to take as a woman/wife. Figuring out how it all fits together with your beliefs, your personality, your goals, your vision of marriage, etc.
IMO, it might be more important right now for you to have a firm grasp on how you feel about all this, what you think is "right", etc., before you make it an issue in a newly-developing relationship. As your beliefs about your role as a woman and potential wife become more settled, then start treating this man as the kind of man you want him to be.
He will (IMO) either willingly step into his own role as a man/potential husband, or he won't. Then you will know, KWIM? I believe that most men are capable and willing of being strong leaders. I believe that God created them with the desire to lead, protect, guide and guard their families. I think that our current society has taken away from many men the understanding of how to fill that role, just as it has taken away from women the knowledge of how to fill our roles as true helpmeets, KWIM?
It is scary to try to change our world, especially when there are so few examples to look to. But if you start by seeking to fully understand your own role (and of course, consider deeply what characteristics and qualities you desire in your future spouse), then begin treating this man as your role demands, that will give him the opportunity to step into his own role more easily, you know? Basically, through your actions and reactions to him, give him "permission" to be the man he was created to be. I know, that doesn't sound very submissive, but I hope you understand what I mean...let him know in all your actions that you are willing to follow his lead, and he will likely be very willing to take the lead!
Then, as your relationship progresses, you can have conversations about roles, submission, etc., but they should come about very naturally, not in a forced, "Honey, we need to talk" sort of way, IMO. Just as a natural sharing of your beliefs, values, opinions.
Hope this makes sense...blessings to you and best of luck with this relationship! It sounds like a really great start!