Let me start my saying I am usually a very calm person, I don't yell, cuss, throw things etc... But last night I completely lost it with Dh. Luckily for him we were on the phone, or I might have become abusive . We are planning a HBAC so I have been reading everything I can find about how to make it safe and as comfortable as possible for us (mainly me). A couple weeks ago I told him I wanted a doula, we talked to the midwife she thought it was an excellent idea and recommended someone, dh immediately shot it down saying we couldn't afford it (with out even knowing how much it would cost). I contacted the doula, she said she would work with us on a payment plan, and we could take a year to pay her if we needed, paying a little each month. There is no reason we can't do that, especially if it prevents another Csect. Last night I brought up the fishy pool for a water birth and he once again shot that down. Nothing to base his info on just "nope we are not having pool in our house, too hard to fill , too hard to drain..." I said why don't you read some of the stuff I read and then make a decision, it really isn't that big of a deal and once again if the hassle of a $30 inflatable pool helps me birth at home what is the harm. "Okay I will read it but I am telling you, we are not having a pool in the house!"
This is when I lost it , I just started screaming at him about how I was trying so hard to make this a good experience for us and educating myself about all the risks and everytime I bring something up he shoots it down without even looking into it. How I thought he was supportive of the homebirth (it was his idea to begin with), and I couldn't fight him about it along with everyone else that thinks I am nuts and maybe we should just go to the f%^$&ing hospital and get an F&*^ing csect. again. I think I went on for 2-3 min. screaming a sobbing. He was completely silent : I wish I could have seen the look on his face. He apologized over and over and promised to look into things before he made anymore snap judgement or snide remarks about my ideas. and then suggested I go take a long bath and he would call me back later. He did and everything was fine, he agreed that we would do what we had to have a birth pool, even if he had to put in a new tub ( I told him a $30 fishy pool would work fine) and that we could have the doula. So all is better now and I am glad I got that off my chest. Even better, I talk to my mom this morning and she said she would help pay for the doula, because it would make her feel better to have someone else there who knew what was going on. i hope for my husband's sake I don't have anymore of those crazy pregnant lady moments.