something that happened friends sleepover

[Janny]

My 6 year Girl old went to sleepover with some other girls at Her Best Friends house. Her best friends mother Bathe Them(gave them a bath) all together(she has a huge sink tub)
Should I be worryed about this

[pycelan]

I wouldn't be.

[fyoosh]

Is she telling you weird things about it? Does she get very quiet/withdrawn if it is brought up?

I would just think it was fun, personally -- but go by her actions on it.

[Janny]

Originally Posted by fyoosh

Is she telling you weird things about it? Does she get very quiet/withdrawn if it is brought up?

I do not think anything unappropriate happened.. My little girl said it was fun and I know the mom of her best friend & I know for a fact that she is a very genle woman but that just seems odd to me? its not something I would have done.

janny

[~member~]

If you know the woman, then just call her and ask her.
Something similar happened and I found out that my dd and her friend had fallen in a mud puddle(it was a farm) and the mother just assumed I would want her to be clean, which I would have, but would have preferred that I had been called first and asked, kwim?

[johub]

They're all girls.
They all dress in front of each other. THey will be sharing clothes. And changing in locker rooms together.
In fact when my dd was little and she had friends spend the night they almost always would shower together. I knew that not all kids did this but that they just were comfortable enough together to.
Now at 13 she NEVER EVER would do this. Because modesty develops pretty naturally I think, without us really having to guide it.
I wouldnt worry about it or give it another thought.

[FuzzyOne]

when i was a little girl whenever i stayed the night with friends and vice versa we always took baths together and we would play for a while in the bathtub. it was just part of growing up and i have very fond memories of those times - no big deal at all.

[TiredX2]

When we went on vacation this year with friends DD (6.5) bathed with her buddies and DS (almost 4 at the time) with his.

I thought it was normal (I know their cousins did when they were younger, but not after 7-10ish, depending on the individual).

[Nature]

I don't see anything wrong with it unless your child starts telling you something happened. I used to bathe with my female friends when I was little, heck... probably until I was 10 or so. I even have a picture of me in the tub when I was 9 with my little cousin who was 4 (and male). Yes I realize that nowadays no one would tolerate the opposite gender being in the tub, but it was just part of being a kid when I was little. <shrug>

[pjlioness]

I used to shower with my best friend when I stayed over when we were in high school. In fact, once she and I and another of her best friends (who happened to be a couple of months pregnant) took a bath together when we were all in 9th grade. Nothing wierd, no big deal. I think it actually helped us to be a little less self-conscious about our bodies.

As for when I was younger, I don't remember taking a bath/shower at a friend's house, but I may have. I think the earliest I stayed at a friend's house overnight was when I was six, and I think I was doing baths by myself by that time.

I guess I would have to feel really comfortable with someone to even let my ds's stay the night, so if I was that comfortable, I probably wouldn't have a problem with them taking a bath there, but I don't see my kids staying at a friend's house for at least couple more years, by which time they will probably be able to bathe themselves.

If your dd isn't at all freaked out by it, then I wouldn't worry. However, for your own comfort level, you may want to talk to the friend's mom (and any other friend's mom where she stays the night), though it may not be the easiest conversation. (How do you tell someone that you're not comfortable with them giving your child a bath in a way that doesn't sound like you're accusing them of doing something inappropriate???)

[Mizelenius]

I have just finished reading much of Protecting the Gift . The lesson I've learned is this: it's your child, and protecting her/him is the FIRST priority. Worrying about offending someone is NOT important when it comes to safety. The fact that you're asking means YOU have a concern. It doesn't matter if 300 other people aren't worried-- it's not our child. I think you should do what your gut tells you-- ask the mom about it, tell her you do not want her bathed by anyone-- whatever it is that your instincts tell you.

[Janny]

I need to pont out that my dd and her best friend have bathed together before at both her friend's house and even mine but this is the very first time she has taken a bath at a slumper party with a total of 4 other girls 2 of which I don't even know! maybe I am just overreacting?

Janny

[pjlioness]

Originally Posted by Janny

maybe I am just overreacting?

It's likely that you are, but it's totally understandable, IMO. As dh would say, "You da MOMMY." She's your baby, you want to protect her,....

[Janny]

An Update

Well I have since talked to The Mother of my dd best friend about the bathing/bath.
I never asked not to do it again but I did ask about the details of what went on.
She never made any of them bathe... it was her dd idea and they all wanted to do it she told me they all laughed at first but after they got undressed they were fine also she said she moved them around(that made me feel uneasy for some reason) then she asked is there a problem? and I said no not at all(was not sure what else to say?) I wondering I how I will feel if she ever has another sleepover

My own dd does not understand why I keep asking her about so maybe I should just drop it before she thinks something wrong happened when I must admit I dont think any thing did.

Janny

[oldcrunchymom]

If your daughter isn't worried about it, I wouldn't be either. I grew up across the street from a lake and until age 11 or so most of the kids in the neighborhood would undress and get into our bathing suits (or go skinnydipping) in front of each other on the beach. It wasn't a big deal.

[Mizelenius]

Originally Posted by Janny

she said she moved them around(that made me feel uneasy for some reason) then she asked is there a problem? and I said no not at all(was not sure what else to say)

I would explore the "uneasy" feeling. Do NOT try to "rationalize" your feeling or negate it ("I shouldn't be feeling this way"). Think about what you would have liked to say to the mom if you weren't worried about coming across as rude. What would you say? What was in your mind as she told you she moved them?

[oldcrunchymom]

I agree that the OP should not ignore her gut totally. BUT, sometimes people's "feelings" about things are just flat-out mistaken. I had a friend who became enraged with me one day and it turned out she had been thinking all these crazy things. For example, months earlier I had casually mentioned we kept losing the cat toys because our cat kept batting them under a hole in the cupboard. After her blow-up, my friend said she thought with that comment I was accusing her of stealing stuff from my house. : : So she had basically been going around for months believing that I thought she was a thief, despite the fact that I kept inviting her to our home and giving her things.

In this case it sounds like the daughter was not worried or upset about the bath, and the OP might be reading too much into it. I agree it's best that she figure out why she is so worried about the incident, but don't necessarily agree that anything bad happened. If I had a group of squiggly giggly 6 year olds in a big bathtub, I'd probably have to "move" them around a little too.

[johub]

I want to add, that while the bathing with the other girls probably was completely harmless and innocent for your dd. The repeated attention this incident has received might just be the thing that makes it LESS harmless. As she associates this feeling of childish pleasure, innocence and freedom with feelings of guilt and uncertainty and shame.

[papaya]

I am curious if you're concerns are about your daughters feelings about the bath, or if you're concerned about that particular mother giving them a bath? Personally, I bathed with all my friends, and honestly, we used to pretend to kiss and be wife/husband and that kind of thing. I think that's a completely normal thing to do when you're a little kid...I've had conversations about it with a lot of friends and my siblings who all say that they did the same thing. But what particularly is the concern? Your daughter's feelings, the other children, the nudity, the mom? I can see feeling uneasy about someone just bathing your child with out asking first, and although when I was young it seemed perfectly normal, when I think of that same situation going on with my son I might not feel so comfortable.

[jannan]

i would n't like it. that is just me