Question about cir'ed DH

[NaomiLorelie]

I've tried talking about circ with DH because even though I don't have any boys yet, it's something I feel very strongly about. He claims that being circ'ed has had no effect and doesn't bother him at all. He is very avoidant of the subject though so I think it actually does. I am interested in restoration, for partly selfish reasons, but also for him. How can I bring this up without freaking him out? Actually, I think he was very lucky because he was born in Holland and I don't think the Dr. was very aggressive at all. Most of the time the glans seems to be halfway covered, sometimes more. Is it possible then that his frenulum is intact? I assume that restoration would be very possible because of this. I don't have a lot of, um, up close and personal experience with all of this so I have a lot to learn. Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

[~Megan~]

Unless he comes up with the idea himself I'm pretty sure he will take offense.

[eightyferrettoes]

I dunno. I don't know if mine would be into the idea at all or not, but he's never even HEARD of such a thing, I'm sure. So I'm looking for a nonchalant way to introduce the idea.

It just seems so contrived to be like, "Hey babe, I ordered this cool book about restoring your foreskin! Did you know some circumcised men stretch their remnant skin out for fuller coverage?"

Him: *chokes on coffee*

Me: Sweetheart, are you OK?

Him: *wheezes* Restoring my WHAT?!

Me: It's only an academic interest on my part. Really!

[the_queen]

We have a DD, and I am 20 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child. My husband is circ'd. I have been gathering anti-circ information, websites, video's etc for the last 8 weeks, preparing myself for his traditionalist "i want him to look like me" argument, just in case we have a boy (s/he had his/her legs crossed at the ultrasound so it will be a surprise anyway!) because I am definately anti-circ.

Anyhoo, when I finally, tentatively, neutrally, brought up the subject, this was my husband's exact response:

"Oh my god, no way! No way are we getting a son of mine circ'd!! Do you know what that does??? It reduces the length of his penis!!!!!!!"

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by eightyferrettoes

I dunno. I don't know if mine would be into the idea at all or not, but he's never even HEARD of such a thing, I'm sure. So I'm looking for a nonchalant way to introduce the idea.

It just seems so contrived to be like, "Hey babe, I ordered this cool book about restoring your foreskin! Did you know some circumcised men stretch their remnant skin out for fuller coverage?"

Him: *chokes on coffee*

Me: Sweetheart, are you OK?

Him: *wheezes* Restoring my WHAT?!

Me: It's only an academic interest on my part. Really!

:
been wondering about that too,

dh has been expressing some disappointment at his own circumcision. I told him I loved him the way he was. Then I casually mentioned how they have this new thing out there called foreskin restoration. He thought for a moment, and then was like, "nnnaah". So I kissed him and left it like that.

He knows little about it, and I think if we surfed the net together and just "happened" to come across a website about it, at least he would know what it is and know how to do it if he wanted to.

But it's gotta be his decision. I love him regardless of what he decides.

[Quirky]

I have to agree, I really don't think you can suggest he restore...you could mention that you found information about it when you were researching circ but I would stay as far away as possible from any suggestion that you are unhappy with the penile status quo.

And I would get him on board with the no-circ thing before broaching the restoration thing. You don't want him getting so defensive he insists on circ to bolster his threatened manhood, KWIM?

[gabysmom617]

yeah, quirky, guys are extremely, acutely, notoriously, habitually, absolutely and completely consumed with sensitivety about their penises.

you should never ever mention to him that somehow, his penis is in any way inadequate. It causes extreme acute pain to his ego and his feelings and his emotions.

The only reason why I was able to slide in a little info to my hubby is because he brought up the subject, and even so, I had to very gently, casually and nonchalantly sort of half heartedly throw a little info at him, but otherwise, I would not have said anything, if he had not brought up the subject..

This why some dads and dads to be are so stubborn about their own sons, because to suggest something be done different to their sons, suggest that something is not right with them personally, if they have been circed.

[NaomiLorelie]

Well, he's already on board with not circ if we have a son. I've given him some basic facts and he agrees, but he refuses to go near any research with a ten foot pole. And no I certainly don't feel like I could ask him to. I just want to let him know that the possibility is there, let him simmer on it, and then bring it up again at a later date. Does anyone have any answers to my other questions. Truthfully, he doesn't seem to have any of the problems that many circ'ed men talk about, and he does have a good amount of foreskin, so I am really curious as to what is going on there, for lack of a better phrase.

[MonicaS]

This is a very touchy topic to bring up to a guy.

I was wondering and wondering how I could get my DH to know about it. I lucked out. We watched the Penn and Teller circ episode together. They really discuss restoration. It peaked his interest, as in, "Hmmm, I had never heard of that." I took my chance and asked if he would ever consider restoring. He said he would.

[Brinda]

Personally, I know my dh would take offense, that I didn't like him "as he was".

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by NaomiLorelie

Well, he's already on board with not circ if we have a son. I've given him some basic facts and he agrees, but he refuses to go near any research with a ten foot pole. And no I certainly don't feel like I could ask him to. I just want to let him know that the possibility is there, let him simmer on it, and then bring it up again at a later date. Does anyone have any answers to my other questions. Truthfully, he doesn't seem to have any of the problems that many circ'ed men talk about, and he does have a good amount of foreskin, so I am really curious as to what is going on there, for lack of a better phrase.

guess that's one of those questions for Frank...

:

[autumn_faune]

:

I just want in on any good hints for my own dh!

[paquerette]

opcorn

I've mentioned it, even suggested that he do it, and all I've gotten was "hmm. maybe. sounds like a lot of trouble though. I don't think I need to." Well, what can I say to that? Sounds like I've actually made quite a bit of progress compare to y'alls responses. Maybe I should stock up on adhesive tape.

[Shaunam]

My DH sounds a lot like your DH. He said being circ'ed doesn't bother him, but he gets really quiet if I talk about it at all, even if I'm not talking about HIS circ. I think it DOES bother him, but he just doesn't want to talk about it. Better to keep it all inside I guess.

Anyways, I did bring up restoration to him. He didn't take offense. And now he's in the process of doing it.

And he STILL won't admit circ is as bad as I think it is. Another

Anyways, when I first asked him to do it, it was totally about me. I had just found out that circ'ed penises can unnaturally pull moisture out of the vagina during intercourse. I have always had a problem with lubrication and I thought the lack of lube was MY fault. I thought for some reason, my body didn't work right. Or I just wasn't as "into" sex as should have been.

Now I feel that I'm normal and the problems I've had (inadequate lube, chafing, small tears, pain during intercourse, ect) are not MY problem, but rather the circ'ed penis' fault (but not DH's fault obviously since he didn't consent to his circ).

The night I realized this I cried. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. DH and I had a nice long talk about it. He had no idea that I had felt inadequate that whole time. I told him I thought if he restored his foreskin, it might help solve this problem. He agreed that it was worth a shot, for my sake, and there was certainly no harm in it.

He's still not gung-ho about it, but he's really accepted it. All in all, he IS doing it for me (although, I hope he eventually benefits from it too). I've done my best to let him know that I DON'T think his "equipment" is inadequate.

That's just my story. It CAN be brought up without offending him, or comprimising his ego, or whatever. He's your DH and you know him best. I'm sure you can find a way to suggest it.

[Frankly Speaking]

Originally Posted by NaomiLorelie

He claims that being circ'ed has had no effect and doesn't bother him at all.

Well, of course not. He doesn't have the parts to experience the feelings he doesn't have. It's like trying to explain to a color blind man what color is. He just can't even imagine it.

He is very avoidant of the subject though so I think it actually does. I am interested in restoration, for partly selfish reasons, but also for him. How can I bring this up without freaking him out?

All you can do is offer him the information. He can take it or not and there's not too much more you can do than that.

Actually, I think he was very lucky because he was born in Holland and I don't think the Dr. was very aggressive at all. Most of the time the glans seems to be halfway covered, sometimes more. Is it possible then that his frenulum is intact?

It is extremely unlikely.

I assume that restoration would be very possible because of this. I don't have a lot of, um, up close and personal experience with all of this

Yes, restoration for him would be relatively quick. For most men, it's a 3 year process. For him, I can imagine it would take a year or less.

I've given him some basic facts and he agrees, but he refuses to go near any research with a ten foot pole.

It's my guess that he's deathly afraid of what he might learn and that it would be very discomforting for him. As long as he can avoid the facts and can remain blissfully uneducated about it, he doesn't have to face the damage that was done to him.



Frank

[AntoninBeGonin]

My husband is restoring. It was completely his idea, though I am 100% supportive. Maybe it would make your husband feel better to keep in mind that he is not in the wrong here. The person who was wrong is the one who had this done to him in the first place. He is a victim of wrong doing, and there is nothing wrong with him trying to help himself.

I hope I didn't ramble too much there. I think I got a little incoherent for a moment.

~Nay

[jessjgh1]

You, know I was thinking about how I could NEVER bring this up with dh... sigh.

I do remember there was some website that you could anonomously (how the heck do you spell that?) sends someone a note that their breath was bad- and the website email would go out to them and give general informationon signs of bad breath, give information on what to do... how it might effect them in their personal and business lives, etc.

Anyways, it sounded like a good idea for a coworker that you just had to work with and were sick of just grin and bear it.

So can you imagine sending the same thing out about foreskin restoration- I mean, obviously it would have to be something that didn't look like it came from ANYONE since there are (hopefully (-; ) a lot less people that have access to dp's penis than can tell if he has good, bad, or neutral breath, for example.

Goodness knows there are a million and one spams about increasing length etc, it would be interesting to try to make one that made restoration a bit compelling and see if more people found out about it that way.

Of course, how do you write the perfect email without being spammy.

I think that would be the best way to bring it up to most men. I could see me sitting at my computer and dh's on his computer playing games (what else woud he be doing). My email bell rings, " say hey honey look at this email I just got" , here, let's click here.. oh, sex as nature intended it,... wow, look at that video, hmmmmmmm hmmmmm

Then you just hope he does some exploring on his own. Cause I agree, I'd be all for it, but there is no way I would ask my dh about it.

LMAO, but in a sad way too.

Jessica

[Fi.]

Once I had my son, my partner kind of noticed and figured out on his own what the foreskin did/how it worked and was kind of sad and I just kind of said "Well...you can restore yours. It won't be as good or the same but...it's like going from black and white to technicolour"

and he's been restoring ever since.

[Minky]

I think if I told my husband I wanted him to restore, he would take offense. Like as much offense as a guy might if his partner told him to circ.

[njeb]

I used the "hey, honey, look at this website!" approach. He wasn't offended, but he made it clear that he wasn't interested. I'm not going to push the issue.
I have also left the book Sex As Nature Intended It out in clear view where he can see it. He's ignored that, too. My dh can be so dense!