Question about cir'ed DH - Page 2

[Oz Daddy]

Being male, it is true men find it awkward to talk about their private bits, and to mention circumcision to a male, even one who is circumcised can make them "shy."

To mention restoration, well then you're really opening up a can of worms! HOWEVER, thanks to one of Frank's previous post somewhere here, I checked out foreskinrestorationchat.info and I must say I was surprised to see so many men who are restoring their foreskin. Being left intact in 1972 was a rarity in my day so when I get told I am so fortunate to have had my foreskin all these years, it made me much happier!

So how does a wife convince her husband to restore?..... like you have all said it's a tough one. Men simply aren't as open about their penis because to talk about your penis to another man is simply "homosexual".... BAH! Ignorance like this is so annoying.

Thank God we have the internet where men can now discuss issues like sex and their penis without having to be embarassed by their "mates". I have gone on this site and like I thought, these men who are restoring have so MANY questions they have wanted to ask an intact man, but have never had the chance. Many have thanked me for allowing them to ask questions about how the foreskin works etc.

Therefore, my suggestion is this: When the time is right, maybe after sex , ask your husband if he has ever wondered what sex would have been like if he had been left intact. I know all of you have most likely done this already, but see how he reacts. If he's grossed out by foreskin, ask him if he's ever seen one in the flesh before. Yet again wait for the reaction. Mention that there are avenues where he can talk to men who have 'regrown' theirs and perhaps he should check it out. Ladies, you can only try and please reassure him it's not "gay" if he speaks to another man about his penis, or even looks at pictures of another man's tackle if he's curious to learn more.

See how you go... it's worth a shot!

[polarbear]

I think that men have to be completely on board with why boys should be kept intact before any mention of foreskin restoration is made. They have to be given a chance to come to terms with their own feelings of loss before they can accept that there is a better alternative. To suggest to a man that his penis could be better (before he is able to acknowledge what is lost), is akin to suggesting that his penis is sub-par. It would not be much different that him asking you to get a boob job, and maybe a tummy tuck while you’re at it. He has to realize on his own that something was lost along with the ‘little flap of skin’. Give your husband time to absorb what you are teaching him. Let him decide for himself why circumcision is wrong. Let him realize what was done to him. He may never acknowledge the loss, but he probably will...Enough to willingly restore, maybe not. Once the seed is planted, you can only watch it grow. Take your cues from his reactions.


Six Steps of Grief for a Circumcised Man

Denial: “I am circumcised and my equipment works great. I’m certainly not missing anything. How could anything be better? It can’t, so I must be ok. Really, if I had any more sensation, it would be too much, I would probably not last very long in bed, and wow, sensations are great just the way they are.”

Knowledge (Reality): Circumcision is a painful, non-therapeutic, cosmetic surgery, performed without consent from the child, and without any medical recommendation.

Knowledge (Loss): “If keeping my child intact is so wonderful, what am I missing? What has been taken away from me?”

Anger: “This will not happen to my child. Why do parents let this happen? Why did my parents give in to social pressures and alter me for no good reason? Why are doctors still doing this SH&$?”

Depression: “I am missing part of my sexuality because I was circumcised. I feel so powerless that I have to live with a decision that my parents made for me…FOR NO GOOD REASON!!! Why did this happen?”

Acceptance/Action: “It was not my choice, but it is my body. I can only move forward with my life and accept this.” Or “I will speak out against it so that others don’t fall victim to the myths, misinformation, and pressures and blindly circumcise their own kids.” Or “There are things I can do to empower myself and take back some of what was taken from me. I will restore my foreskin. It may not be as good as the original, but at least it will be close.” Or maybe all of the above.

[minkajane]

I've talked with my DH about it several times. He's not interested. I don't think he really gets the difference it will make and thinks it's too much effort. He's pretty lazy. I've been talking with a restoring guy online and he's going to drop DH a line to let him know how things are from a guy's POV. I've bookmarked a couple of pages for him, including one that compares all the different methods of restoration, but I doubt he's even looked at them. He's got the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" mentality, because his penis is 100% perfect in his mind. While I would love for him to restore, I'm not going to force the issue because I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel like I don't like his body the way it is, and that's not what it is at all. I want him to restore because I think it would make sex more enjoyable for him. KWIM?

Another reason he's kind of avoiding the issue of restoration is his mom (I know how weird that sounds). He's very close to her and I think he feels like if he started restoring and she somehow found out about it, her feelings would be hurt because he didn't like being circumcised. He was circ'd to look like his dad. MIL actually had a panic attack, LITERALLY, when she found out that DS isn't circ'd and that I'm adamently against circ. She spent half an hour on the phone with DH crying and asking if he was upset that he was circumcised. It sounded like she felt guilty about it, and yet she still pushed my cousin to circ her son to match a dad who didn't care and wasn't even in the picture. : Anyway, DH wouldn't want to hurt her feelings by restoring. Does that sound strange?

[NaomiLorelie]

Thank you for all of your wonderful advice. I think that at this point he is still in the denial phase. The only thing I wonder is this. What if we never have a boy. Will he even give it a second thought, or will he try to ignore it? I'm pregant again and this is the last time barring any freak accidents. If that happens it makes me sad for him. I really don't have any complaints in that department but if it can be better, I'm all for that.

Mandy, I completely understand what you mean about your DH feeling like he would hurt his mother. I KNOW that this is probably a big part of his refusal to look into the information. He has always been completely on board with extended breastfeeding, very supportive. I was EBF too, but he never wants to talk about the fact that he was FF because that would be implying that his mother made a mistake to him. Forget about the fact that FF was the norm in 1970, circ was too. He was born in Holland, so I do think that it is sad that his parents decided to follow American traditions instead of learning from the people around him, but I suppose that it is hard to let go of what one has been taught their entire lives.