My 'friend' is gonna circ her baby...

[splash]

I really thought I had talked her out of it. I spent hours talking to her about it. I gave her tons of info, both from propoganda and non propoganda sources. I sent her links to several videos... even told her to come here and read the sticky about moms regetting it.
But no, she's gonna do it.
He's already two weeks old, they just haven't scheduled it yet. The hospital he was born at doesn't do them, so she has to schedule it with the pediatrician.
She and her partner had hoped so much for a boy, they were so excited to find out it was a boy. How I wish it had been a girl. I can't see how she can say she loves him, and then go do this to him.
She emailed me asking questions about other things (sleep issues, nursing problems, etc) and I want to be catty and just say "Well this things are only get worse once you rip off his penis. Get used to it and don't whine to me anymore" but I won't. I'm just ignoring the email. The relationship is totally over if she does this to him.
I just can't imagine having this perfect baby boy at home, loving him and nursing him and taking care of him for TWO WEEKS and then taking him in to have it done.
They won't be doing it for another week or so since her partner is going out of town. She's all "I know how you feel about it, but this is a decision we came to together and we think it's the best thing for us"


Really. If parents want it done do damn much, I wish that doctors would just throw the knife and them and say "do it yourself."

Ah, and I deal with my nephew's hack job in only a few weeks. At least Charlie is whole.

[Quirky]

That just sucks.

Do you know whether she actually watched the video?

Maybe as your last-ditch effort you can send her info on adequate anesthesia, so that at least the poor baby's pain is minimized.

[Fi.]

She's all "I know how you feel about it, but this is a decision we came to together and we think it's the best thing for us"

I'd write back "Sure, because cosmetic surgery on your kid really has a whole lot to do with you and your partner"

and then give her information on proper anesthesia, how long that anesthesia should sit before it kicks in and a "i hope you can live with yourself knowing you pushed your sexual preferences onto your son" and then never speak to her again

[trmpetplaya]

It really burns me up when the hospital won't perform them and the parents STILL think it's a good idea... I saved a boy's penis because the hospital didn't do it so I had two weeks to work on the mother. His father was intact, but his mother and father weren't "together" anymore. They were 16 and 17. He wasn't really in the picture as far as deciding the circ went. He's being responsible now and is helping out and being in his son's life though!

Where's the hospital... I think there should be some list of anti-circ hospitals... Like Harrison Hospital in Silverdale, WA near where I am... there need to be more of them!!!

One of my friends is having a boy in April at Harrison... I'm hoping that the fact they don't do them anymore will help sway her against the idea!

love and peace.

[Guest*]

Originally Posted by Fi.

I'd write back "Sure, because cosmetic surgery on your kid really has a whole lot to do with you and your partner"

and then give her information on proper anesthesia, how long that anesthesia should sit before it kicks in and a "i hope you can live with yourself knowing you pushed your sexual preferences onto your son" and then never speak to her again

I agree. Yes, it's harsh, but ask yourself if you really can continue to be her friend. If you can't, might as well give her some words that she will think about for years.

I was in a similar situation. I decided that I actuallky could continue to be friends after they decided to circ despite the facts. So, I chalked it up (I had to stay away for a few months for my own wounds to heal a bit) and sent her info about anesthesia and how to care for a circ'd penis.

If I had decided I couldn't be her friend, I was going to tell her how I really felt.

It was hard at first, but time helped. She doesn't need to explain anything to me. It's her son who she has to answer to in the future. And with the way things are going, it seems this next generation of circ'd boys will be asking more questions, so it's likely she's going to have to give him some good reasons for mutiliating his body.

[nd_deadhead]

Poor you!

That kine just burned me up - "we decided its best for US". What about what's best for the baby????

At this point, I think I'd send her a lot of information on pain relief - and stress the importance of being there with the baby, to make sure the pain DPNB actually gets administered. Tell her that if she's with him, she CAN change her mind at the very last minute, and stop it if she wants to.

Next talk at length about complications - austensibly so she knows what to watch out for. Mention bleeding (and don't forget to tell her about the little boy in Canada who died from blood loss after his circ), infection, adhesions, meatal stenosis, buried penis. Mention that you know a good attorney in case the doctor screws up and she wants to sue his pants off.

Ask her if she's noticed what a good job the foreskin does of protecting her son's little penis from ooky diaper contents, and how easy it is to clean. Remind her that that will change when he's got an open wound in his diaper.

Keep using the words "surgery" and "operation", so she can't delude herself into thinking it's "just a snip".

Maybe you can still convince her that this is NOT a good idea!

And if you don't - you can at least sleep at night knowing that you did everything you could.

[Quirky]

Yeah, link her to the Ryleigh McWillis autopsy report. Mention that a woman on this board knows a colleague whose son died at 10 months old just a couple days ago from anesthesia complications during a circ repair.

Obviously these are rare complications but they are going to happen to someone. Someone always draws the short straw!

Send her this pamphlet from NOCIRC on care of the circed penis http://www.nocirc.org/publish/5pam.pdf and stress how important it is she watch out for excess bleeding - and then link her to Ryleigh McWillis' autopsy report. The baby bled to death within a day of being circed.

http://www.circumstitions.com/death-exsang.html

[midstreammama]

ITA with what everyone said. If you really can't be her friend anymore, put all that wonderful information into an email about surgeries, open wounds, benefits of the foreskin,proper anestesia and pain refief, and your own personal feelings about it in there and hit the send button...if she still goes thru with it at least you did everything you could to protect that baby boy when their parents wouldn't.
And gt all the words you wanted out, so that you know your conscience is clear. You have tried your best. Some people are that dense...

[InDaPhunk]

Just wanted to say and . Maybe she'll change her mind.

[jenn5388]

i know how hard it is to be friends with someone who is pregnant with a boy who is planning on circ'ing him. I was there a couple years ago myself. I tried to "school her" as much as i could, without her having the internet it was hard to do.

In the long run.. he's now 2 1/2 and INTACT. but the only reason for that is they didn't have the money for it to be done, and her in laws were going to pay for it, but never got around to it. I'm wondering now if she still thinks it's a good idea. I'm guessing not. I hope part of that is because of the things I told her about it and how it was done.. she was one of the parents who thought it was a good idea simply for the fact her husband wanted it done. I think now that they have seen his penis hasn't turned black and fallen off, that maybe it wasn't such a good idea. Between me and my husband, he probably would of killed me if we had a son and I DID do it. lol but no arguement here, I don't believe in it myself.

I do hope for his sake, she backs out of the idea at the last minute. I just don't understand what the big deal is. let him choose when he gets older.. why does anyone have to have a baby with his foreskin missing?

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by nd_deadhead

Poor you!

That kine just burned me up - "we decided its best for US". What about what's best for the baby????

At this point, I think I'd send her a lot of information on pain relief - and stress the importance of being there with the baby, to make sure the pain DPNB actually gets administered. Tell her that if she's with him, she CAN change her mind at the very last minute, and stop it if she wants to.

Next talk at length about complications - austensibly so she knows what to watch out for. Mention bleeding (and don't forget to tell her about the little boy in Canada who died from blood loss after his circ), infection, adhesions, meatal stenosis, buried penis. Mention that you know a good attorney in case the doctor screws up and she wants to sue his pants off.

Ask her if she's noticed what a good job the foreskin does of protecting her son's little penis from ooky diaper contents, and how easy it is to clean. Remind her that that will change when he's got an open wound in his diaper.

Keep using the words "surgery" and "operation", so she can't delude herself into thinking it's "just a snip".

Maybe you can still convince her that this is NOT a good idea!

And if you don't - you can at least sleep at night knowing that you did everything you could.

(nak)

i 2nd this motion.

also mention about the post down below this one entitled "a baby boy died today".

And mention that her nursing efforts will probably get more difficult by the circumcision, so be prepared for that.