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How do you get to a point where BM/Ex doesn't make you want to commit murder....

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 
My husband's ex is horrible... and everytime she does something that is not what the schedule is supposed to be, says something bad about DH in front of the kids, hits them, screams at them, cusses at them... the list goes on, I get so mad, I litterly am shaking for the rest of the night. Such as tonight, we were supposed to have the kids overnight and then again a couple nights next week that equaled out to half of their winter break. We agreed to her switching around the schedule to accomodate her work schedule just to be nice... but then today she calls asking when we were going to pick up my step-sons medicine. Now, keep in mind she has been bringing us his medicine every time for over 6 months with no problems. Well, tonight we are super low on gas... I mean, I don't even know how my husband is going to get to work tomorrow so we said that we can't and that's her responsibility to get it to us, which it is... says so in the papers. She goes on to say how she is sick of this shit and that she was NOT bringing it to us... okay, fine so we tell her 'alright, then we'll just stick to the schedule as it is supposed to be and we will be picking them on the 23rd and she can pick them up on the 24th at 8pm then we will pick them up again on the 27th for our half of the break and then hung up as to not argue any further. Well, of course this leaves me spitting mad and I, as a step-mother can't really say/do anything since it's not my place but yet am sitting here so mad I can't breathe. She constantly degrades my husband in front of the kids, goes against the shared-parenting agreement and makes up rules as she sees fit simply because she knows we have very little money and can't afford to take her back to court or file contempt orders so she does what she wants. Now I need to find a healthy way to get rid of this aggression after she does these things... because I have a family that needs me to not be angry and upset about things I can not control but I just don't know how. I don't want my son seeing me angry with this, I don't want him to know how she treats people and that it bothers me... How do you cope?
post #2 of 3
I feel your pain. I went through a very rough period with my ex, where he was clearly bitter and allowed his bitterness to spill out at every interaction we had in front of our dd no less. He cussed me, threatened me, called me names, degraded me and my family/friends. You name it, he did it all the time, in front of dd. I couldn't prove it or I couldn't afford to do anything about it either. It was a very hard time in my life. I too struggled to find a way to deal with all the emotions it left me with. Time has been the best tool for us. Other than that I found that my quiet time each day allowed me to take those emotions out of the closet, aknowledge them, turn them over to the Lord b/c there was no way I could handle them and then gear up for the next encounter with faith that eventually it would get better. Until I started doing that I was a nervous wreck all the time and it really interfeared with my peace of mind. I didn't sleep well, I couldn't concentrate b/c I had this sick feeling about having to talk to him or pick-up/drop-off dd. It's really tough. You just gotta do the best you can. I found that 20 min walks worked wonders too. I had time to breathe fresh air, do something good for myself, and get out some frustration. Unfortunately there's no magic bullet here. Just know you're not alone
post #3 of 3
Pray for her. Seriously. She is very sick. I've been there with my DH's ex. She is a very sick 'lady'. I could write a book on the things she put us through, the kids, and now she manipulating a grandchild. When I get really angry, I pray for her and I get real peaceful so it works both ways. She's miserable and unhappy and will take it out on you. Don't let her. Pray, ask for relief from the anger and ask that she gets better too.
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