worries about the baby's health

[mamatoady]

I know it's normal for first time moms to worry that their child will be deformed, disabled, health compromised, mentally compromised etc....but i'm a 2nd time mom with these worries, it's seriously starting to freak me out. I'm 24 weeks today and sometimes I feel the baby all day and then for a day I'll feel it once or twice and Ifeel like "that just can't be right,something must be wrong"....I haven't had an ultrasound and wasn't planning on it unless there was a problem,but part of me wants to just to make sure his parts are all there!

anyone else feel this way? I hope!
sarah

[AdinaL]

I do the same thing, though I am a first time mom. Some days, this girl is all over the place, bouncing around! And she will do that for a couple days, then she will be super quiet for a couple days. I think it has something to do with the way she is turned, which way she is kicking, etc. I noticed today while DH and I were watching my tummy move around, that about half of the time we saw something move on my tummy, I couldn't feel it. So, baby may be moving around and just doing it gently.

[AngelaB]

This is my 4th pregnancy and will be my third child and I still get paranoid! I think its just part of being pregnant. I have had panic attacks this pregnancy, true panic attacks because i have had fear to deal with that I didnt realise was bothering me so much.
I has taken me quite a while to trust my m/w and my body that there is no medical reason to get an ultrasound, however I dont know how i got to this point of peace about it since I still worry a little but not nearly as much.

It sucks to worry and not be able to do anything about my made up fears!!

[txgal]

Gosh I sure hope your normal, cause if not I am crazy too. This is my second and I think I am more paranoid this time. I think part of it is I wander if it can all really work out again, do I really deserve two healthy children? I had an ultra sound to check the position of the placenta since I am VBACing, but she didn't get a good look at anything else, so I still wonder, does this baby have all its fingers and toes etc... I think it is just part of being a mom and the worry does stop after they are born.

[AdinaL]

I had an ultrasound at 20 weeks - and it only stops so much of the worry. I still worry about other things too. So, if you don't want one, don't get one! YOuwill find other things to worry about: not enough movement, growing fast enough, eating enough.

[2+twins]

This is my 3rd baby (5th pregnancy) and I've been feeling a lot like you. I'm also not planning on having any ultrasounds done and yeah, it does add to my worry a bit. It's not lack of movement that gets me going, it's how large I am - that I seem to have a lot of excess fluid. Of course I had to look this up b/c I knew that could be an indicator of bad things and it only scared me more. I'm trying to have faith in my body and I guess what keeps me going ultimately is that if there IS something wrong, then it's wrong already and nothing is really going to change that. But I sure hope everything is right!

[ZenMamaJen]

Originally Posted by txgal

Gosh I sure hope your normal, cause if not I am crazy too. This is my second and I think I am more paranoid this time. I think part of it is I wander if it can all really work out again, do I really deserve two healthy children? ... I think it is just part of being a mom and the worry does stop after they are born.

:

That's exactly how I feel!

Of course, I did have an u/s at 19 weeks, and it showed a 2 vessel cord. Everything else looked good they said, but there is still so much to worry about. And they wanted me to have an u/s every 4-6 weeks to monitor his growth. My m/w and I decided that that was too much, and that if we monitored the size of my uterus, and had one or 2 u/s before he is born, that would be fine. Then, of course, I started to have panic attacks about that decision. This whole business is non-stop worrying.

[KittyKat]

I'm pregnant after infant/birth loss, so yeah the worries are right there. I don't even have a "cutoff" date after which I can feel "safe" because what happened to my baby happened during birth. He was 100% normal and healthy and beautiful.

I have no "reason" to think this baby will be anything but also normal and healthy and beautiful too, but I have a hard time picturing myself with a baby to bring home at the end. I have vague thoughts about it, but it's like my brain and heart refuse to "go there" fully except to make abstract plans about "the cord" and "the eye goop" and "the shots" stuff like that.

I'm not planning to have any ultrasounds, in fact for the most part I'd prefer not to, but some days I wonder if getting to see this one will help me feel like he or she is "real" and allow myself to dream about bringing this one home instead of burying another one.

Kathryn

[KKmama]

I didn't worry with my first 2. With this one, I have worried pretty much since we found out. I even had an amnio, because I thought it would help stop my worrying. Everything is fine, but I'm still worrying. I think for me, part of it is that this is such an unexpected pg, and so I didn't do the "preparation" I did with the other 2. Part of it might be that this is a girl (finally) and "feels different". Part of it is the same old "I have 2 healthy kids, will I really get a 3rd?" And part of it is that a friend is going through some really difficult, scary, as of yet undiagnosed stuff with her toddler, which is just bringing home to me how fragile life is...

Kathryn, ...

[thirdchild]

I'm more nervous this time and it's my third (5th pregnancy). I know I will probably go full term or late but I had a dream the other night that the baby came at about 30 weeks. I don't know, I'm trying not to worry too much but it's hard! Oh and I get ultrasounds every 4 weeks, so I can't see how getting one will ease your mind, it's not helping me any!

[eilonwy]

I'm actually feeling really good about this baby's health. I'm a bit concerned about labor and delivery; this is my third pregnancy, my third child and I have yet to have a normal, healthy delivery. I can say, however, that I was *absolutely correct* with my first two children about what would happen, and that my biggest mistake with BeanBean was that I did not listen to my body and tell that evil witch doctor to f*** off. So I'm pretty confident that I'll know what's going on with this one.

When I have an irrational fear, I try to look at it objectively and figure out where it's coming from. Most of my fears this pregnancy, the overwhelming majority of them, obviously stem from money problems, so it's easy for me to deal with it and move on. In terms of delivery, this time I'm hoping to have the baby at home ("accidentally" ); my greatest fear is that something will go wrong and we won't have enough gas in the car to get to the hospital in time (there's no way in hell we can afford an ambulance!). I know that this is a general fear of money problems, rather than a fear about the birth itself, so I can deal with it.

When I worried about the baby's health (briefly), I didn't feel too concerned, just vaguely uncomfortable. I have had nightmares about other things relating to my older children, but not so much about the baby; these fears are all perfectly normal. Pregnancy makes your mind work in mysterious ways. If you're really worried, like, unable to function because you spend so much energy worrying and being afraid, try to find out what the root of your fear is. If an ultrasound will help you get some peace of mind, do it; being constantly terrified (not just vaguely worried, disquieted, or bothered but actually afraid) that something is wrong with your baby for nine months has been definately proven to be detrimental to babies in utero, while one or two ultrasounds during a pregnancy haven't been proven to cause damage. I think it's much more dangerous for your babe to have a mamma who's constantly terrified than to have an ultrasound and gain some peace of mind and perspective on the whole situation.

[AtThePark]

I'm a lot less nervous this time - my fourth pregnancy and second baby. Ds's pregnancy followed 2 losses and I was just so nervous - I had a lot of u/s's, went to a doctor and ended up with a planned c-sec due to his breech position and the position of my placenta.

This time I have had no tests - no u/s and am seeing a HB midwife. I am overall much more peaceful about it becasue I'm really working on trusting this time around. But of course the worry is still there and half of me is having a hard time believeing that I'm actually going to have another baby in April.

And don't worry about fingers and toes - I have a nephew born with one hand and he's a total cutie and can do everything any other 15 mo old can.

[rdkks]

This is my 3rd pregnancy (and child), and I am just as worried this time as I've been in the last ones. I think that sometimes once you already have one or more, it can actually be worse because you *know* what you have to lose if something does go wrong.

I, too, have one u/s midway through pregnacy, and can't imagine not having that one. But trust your decision and that baby is healthy!

[RImomma]

I'm definitely worried this time around as well. I have a child with some special needs. I worry if this child will have problems as well. I worry that I've made a bad decision by having another. It's not that we (dh and I) can't care for the child, but I wouldn't want our child to suffer. As it gets closer and closer i worry more and more.

[2+twins]

Originally Posted by RImomma

I'm definitely worried this time around as well. I have a child with some special needs. I worry if this child will have problems as well. I worry that I've made a bad decision by having another. It's not that we (dh and I) can't care for the child, but I wouldn't want our child to suffer. As it gets closer and closer i worry more and more.

Just wanted to say that I can sympathize/understand where you're coming from. My oldest child has some special needs too, and it was very scary having a second child after that (what if it happens again, is worse, etc.?). No one wants to see their child struggle or suffer. Thankfully our 2nd dd seems completely fine. I think the odds are probably in your favor this time around.

[aweynsayl]

So nice to know!!! Yep, this first time mommy has daddy convinced I'll be a first class worrier as a mom.

I actually talked with my MW last apt about movements, cause our little Babe seems to have three days of very hight activity followed by three of very very little. I speculated that Babe was turned *inward* on those low activity days, and MW agreed.

That helps a little..... but I didnt sleep at all NYE, cause Babe had been very very very quiet all day. At 6 am, when DH woke up, and I told him how freaked I was, he rolled over and held me, with his hand on my belly, and Baby INSTANTLY started kicking.



PS. Baby says "KICK" just now to affirm it's wonderfulness.

[mamatoady]

Originally Posted by moosemommy

At 6 am, when DH woke up, and I told him how freaked I was, he rolled over and held me, with his hand on my belly, and Baby INSTANTLY started kicking.

What a loving husband!
sarah

[AdinaL]

That's wonderful!

[aweynsayl]

Aww, shucks.