a secret

[littlemomma]

When I was pregnant, everyone told me that me fears were normal, but that I would see...I'd love the second as much as the first. I'm 9 days post partum and I don't. I feel terrible writing this. I'm trying to figure out if I'm depressed or if there's something seriously wrong with me. It feels like my baby and I are a bad match. He is always fussy and it seems like he's mad at me. I had a stressful pregnancy and I think that it made my baby come into this world pissed off. I feel so guilty for that. I can't stop crying as I type this. When my five year old was born, I was SO in love with him. I feel numb and disconnected from this baby. He never really looks at me and also fusses the whole time he nurses. I can't stop comaring him to my DS #1 and he falls short. What am I going to do? I feel so trapped. I'm not feeling the mothering thing and it blows my mind because I am SUCH a good mother with my five year old. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like I can't tell anyone in real life because what mother doesn't love her baby. Should I go get on some meds? I'm debating just going in to the doctor tomorrow and getting on something or not. Is it too early for PPD? Is it still just baby blues since I'm only 9 days post? Thank you so much for reading this. I'd appreciate any response. Thanks.

[FancyD]

I've only got a sec, but hugs to you mama. 9 days pp? That's likely baby blues. ppd usually starts later. Do talk to someone though, you'd be surprised at how common your feelings are. And I think it's way too early to worry about meds... A place to vent, a shoulder to cry on, someone to keep an eye on you are far more valuable at this point. There's a great ppd support group here, it's great to have an understanding ear.

[MsMoMpls]

Oh darling, I am so sorry you are feeling so sad today. It is brave of you to post here and consider PPD. So many mothers wait way too long and everyone suffers.

It isn't too early for PPD... in fact some mothers get it during their pregnacy. On the other hand, take it slow and be gentle with yourself. It may just be that you over romanticized how you felt about your first. I had 17 years between my first and second and forgot a lot of the not so fun things about being a mom. You know you are a good mother, try not to make any decisions about yourself or this baby before you fully recover from the birth... a few weeks at least.

Ask for more support, get a nap, take a long bath. I would suggest you talk to your doctor because if it does turn out to be PPD, you might forget to ask for help- it happens a lot. Once the depression gets worse, you start to believe it is all you and no one can help. Put the word out that you want the people who care for you to help you watch for signs. Then let go of it for now. Your hormones are just up and down- remember being 13? Kind of like that, this will pass.

Good luck and hang in there.

[TopazBlueMama]

Big hugs to you, sweetie. I'm so sorry. I would try to wait a few more weeks if it were me. Sometimes it takes time to grow into the deep bond and get to know each other more. I know with my first, it took a good 3-4 weeks until I felt like she really knew I was her mother. Part of that was just new mommyhood and not believing that I was actually a mother! You're 2 children are far apart in age, so it's almost like you are starting all over, being a new mommy all over again. Please tell someone to help take care of you, making sure you are eating well and stuff. I hope that this will pass soon for you and that it is baby blues and not PPD. Just remember that the bond will come, sometimes it doesn't happen the instant they are born, I've heard many women say that. My second was a whole different experience though.

[boobybunny]

Hugs sweetie pie,
I had a very similar response to the birth of my second. My midwife was great and by the time I admitted it to her, I was in really bad shape. So much so that her husband ( her supervising MD) put me in the hospital for a couple of days.

Get some sleep, have someone help with the baby and the big boy, an do not beat yourself up over this, just find some help.

[maylea_moon]

*hugs* oh mama, i know how you feel. i don't have a second baby but when my son was born i always had feelings like "aren't i supposed to love him more?" it wasn't love at first sight. i felt like i had this strange little person and i was sad and confused. i went on meds 10 days PP. i'm not sure if that's what helped (since i went on so early) or if i came out of it on my own but i promise you, what you're feeling is NORMAL and you will fall in love with your baby even if it takes awhile. when i have my next child i'm just going to expect that i won't immediately feel like i love it as much as the son i have now but i will hold the faith that i will, it just takes time.

[SabDoulaMommy]

I have had fears that I will not love this baby (due 2/06) as much as my others (almost 10 & twins 25 mos), since this pregnancy was SOOO unexpected & not very welcomed by me at first. I'm so happy that you are brave enough to reach out for help!

I agree w/ a lot of the pps - it sounds too early for PPD, but there are always exceptions. I have worked w/ moms who've walked out of the hospital w/ PPD. But w/ every case of PPD, sleep helps about 60% of it! If I were in your shoes, that's what I'd do first - find somehow to sleep - at night, take naps, etc. Also, like the pps said, find someone (dh?) to make sure you get fed! It's amazing how these little steps of taking care of OURSELVES FIRST help. (It's something we often deny ourselves just being new mommies, but then on top of it, the guilt that we feel when we don't love our children (either at birth or later on down the line - like me w/ my "terrible twos") makes us even more willing to give up things that we need.

Don't feel bad about crying - it helps! Cry, sleep, eat & see how that helps before trying meds.

Take care!

[crystalpea2005]

Hey mamas, I was wondering if 14 months is to late for ppd. I feel really moody and grumpy alot. Any advice?

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I dont wanna seem like I am being mean here but honestly it is NOT to early for ppd as someone who had it bad starting in my last trimester with my dd then suffering thru it during my whole pg with ds (different name for it when pg but basicly the same thing) I know for a fact that it can happen like u r describing.
With my dd I was very disconnected felt no feelings of love only fear and anxiaty. I didnt get on meds for it with her till she was almost 3mo, I was afraid there was no meds to take and still bfed, but there r plenty once I learned this and went on meds things completly changed. It was slowly at first but it sure did help. Definatly go on in and talk to the dr. U may just need a low dose and it will make all the difference. Some just do counceling I never tried it tho.
With dd people kept saying that it was prolly just the baby blues and it will go away Not really bad advice just uniformed people on how ppd works. Deep in my heart I knew what was wrong with me but was so scared of not being able to bfeed I was in denial at least on the surface. If u feel deep inside that something isnt right go with those feelings. Get help so that u dont loose out on your baby like I did.

PPD can also hit months after u have a baby, some have it after their baby is well over a year old. U can find lots of info. on the net, just google it. There is even a test u can do online i dont have the link tho.

[mama_b]

You are very brave to have posted this and not kept it inside. I think I would give it a couple of weeks before I went to the doctor unless you start feeling REALLY bad. Are you getting much sleep? Try to get someone to help you if you can so that you can rest. I noticed that you posted this a few days ago. How are you feeling now?

[TopazBlueMama]

Yes, we'd like an update! How are you feeling now?

[mammafish78]

i dont think i bonded with ds2 like i did with ds1.

like you i didnt think we connected at all. and to be honest with you it wasnt until around 5 months or so (ds2 is almost 9 months) that i felt we were *one*.

sometimes i still think ill never love ds2 like ds1 but i know ill get past it and so will you.

hope you feel better.