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A spanking mom verbally attacked me yesterday. REALLY long. - Page 8

post #141 of 216
If the OP were to have whispered to her children rather than just spoke normally, I think this probably would have drawn more attention to the woman. Esp because the woman was feeling guilty. The only thing that the OP could have done would be to leave the table to speak to her kids, but then again, why should she have? She didn't do anything wrong. Either way the woman shouldn't have been eavesdropping on someone else's conversation at all.
post #142 of 216
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheena
She said that if more kids got spanked our country wouldn't be like it is.
I've had a mom say this to me before (I think I may have mentioned here somewhere). It wasn't an attack against me, just casual conversation. But it pretty much ended the conversation. Her son was slapping another boy at the playground, and she called her son over and threatened to spank him Then she said "I wish I could spank him in public" and I said "Yeah but I think a lot of people dont like to see that" and she replied "I don't know why, the reason there are so many people in our jails is because their parents didn't spank them enough". Well, I don't know where she got that idea! IMO, it's the exact opposite that is often true! He was HITTING another child and she wonders where he learned it, when she was close to HITTING him in punishment. Well, I don't see the connection between child abuse and staying out of prison at all.
post #143 of 216
Let me get this straight. Unintentionally shaming a woman who was eavesdropping on your table conversation -- wrong. Shaming your toddler by repeatedly spanking him in public -- okay. See, I was confused. I thought this was MDC.

Jeesh. :

Frankly, I'm surprized that so many people are seeing Sheena as in the wrong here. Even if one is pro-spanking, when did spanking and humiliating your child in public become okay. I think we are forgetting that even if one is a "responsible" spanker (and I use that term in the Dr. Sears spanking rules) there is never an excuse for public spanking and humiliation of a child. This man was not disciplining his child by "spanking" him, he was hitting his child out of his own frustration. That is what carries it beyond discipline makes it abusive -- even spankers should see that. It was not discipline, it was a parents frustration gone out of control on his child.

Again Sheena, I'm right behind you and think you did the right thing for your family. I can't believe some of the responses you are getting. I hope you stop feeling like you need to defend yourself to some of the posters here. They clearly are on a different wavelength.
post #144 of 216
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharlla
If the OP were to have whispered to her children rather than just spoke normally, I think this probably would have drawn more attention to the woman.
hmm, but if the OP *had* whispered, the spanking mom couldn't have proved she and the spanking dad were the subjects of their conversation and therefore would have gone about her way without confrontation.
post #145 of 216
Quote:
Again Sheena, I'm right behind you and think you did the right thing for your family. I can't believe some of the responses you are getting. I hope you stop feeling like you need to defend yourself to some of the posters here. They clearly are on a different wavelength.
ITA and I wasn't suprised at all to see the different replies and even the switching of blame to the OP. IT's happened to me as well. We do our best, I suppose. From what I gathered from the OP, she wasn't raising her voice to shame the woman, she was using it as a learning opportunity for her children- teaching them the values she as their mother would have them uphold. : Good job, Sheena.
post #146 of 216
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jish
Let me get this straight. Unintentionally shaming a woman who was eavesdropping on your table conversation -- wrong. Shaming your toddler by repeatedly spanking him in public -- okay. See, I was confused. I thought this was MDC.

Jeesh. :

Frankly, I'm surprized that so many people are seeing Sheena as in the wrong here. Even if one is pro-spanking, when did spanking and humiliating your child in public become okay. I think we are forgetting that even if one is a "responsible" spanker (and I use that term in the Dr. Sears spanking rules) there is never an excuse for public spanking and humiliation of a child. This man was not disciplining his child by "spanking" him, he was hitting his child out of his own frustration. That is what carries it beyond discipline makes it abusive -- even spankers should see that. It was not discipline, it was a parents frustration gone out of control on his child.

Again Sheena, I'm right behind you and think you did the right thing for your family. I can't believe some of the responses you are getting. I hope you stop feeling like you need to defend yourself to some of the posters here. They clearly are on a different wavelength.

Very well said
post #147 of 216
Does Dr. Sears have a "responsible" spanking rule???? If so I am going to drop over from stress.

Pat
post #148 of 216
Am I going to have to pick Pat up off the floor ? Though he doesn't advocate spanking, he does have a chapter in the Discipline Book about it and here on his website, guidelines toward the bottom of the page.

Interestingly, I received a magazine in the mail today that had an excerpt from Barbara Coloroso's book Bullies, Victims, and Bystanders: How Parents Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence. The website is here

In it, Barbara says, "“...we can transform the role of the bystander into that of a witness, someone willing to stand up, speak out, and act against injustice.”

Food for thought
post #149 of 216
I haven't read the whole thread, but I wanted to say that I'm so glad you said something to your children when that happened. It much have been scary and confusing for them to have to watch and it wouldn't have been right for you to not address it right away.
post #150 of 216
Quote:
Even if one is pro-spanking, when did spanking and humiliating your child in public become okay. I think we are forgetting that even if one is a "responsible" spanker (and I use that term in the Dr. Sears spanking rules) there is never an excuse for public spanking and humiliation of a child. This man was not disciplining his child by "spanking" him, he was hitting his child out of his own frustration. That is what carries it beyond discipline makes it abusive -- even spankers should see that. It was not discipline, it was a parents frustration gone out of control on his child.
Exactly.
post #151 of 216
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmommy
hmm, but if the OP *had* whispered, the spanking mom couldn't have proved she and the spanking dad were the subjects of their conversation and therefore would have gone about her way without confrontation.
And the last thing any of us here on MDC want is confrontation. The last thing we want is for those in the "mainstream" to rethink their views. If I had been in this situation, the most I would have expected had the abuser's wife overheard me would have been a "MYOB" or complete dismissal. Not psycho behavior. Confrontation? Not really expected in this specific situation.

Whispering to her kids would have taught them that, while she believed a certain thing, it was a belief that she was either embarrassed about or was one that caused her fear (of confrontation by psychos, etc).

Raising her voice when explaining to her kids would have taught them passive-aggressive behavior.

Sheena handled it well. Very well.

Although I personally would have called management after she harassed me for longer than a few minutes. I don't have time for that sh** in my life.

After reading posts here, in the future I will probably handle it in Scubamama's fashion.
post #152 of 216
Excellent that you stood up for your beliefs. I promise you that your older child will never forget what happened yesterday and how strong you were.

I got stressed just reading your post, excellent job Momma.
post #153 of 216
Why in the world does whispering imply either fear or embarassment?
I have always thought it implied only discretion.
post #154 of 216
Quote:
And the last thing any of us here on MDC want is confrontation.
Has anyone been in the News and Current Events forum lately?

Niamh, would you be willing to explain in further detail what you meant when you wrote:

Quote:
The last thing we want is for those in the "mainstream" to rethink their views.
Not sure in what context you meant this statement? I'm confused Right now, I can't think of anything I wouldn't love to see be rethought by the mainstream
post #155 of 216
Quote:
Originally Posted by georgia
Has anyone been in the News and Current Events forum lately?

Niamh, would you be willing to explain in further detail what you meant when you wrote:



Not sure in what context you meant this statement? I'm confused Right now, I can't think of anything I wouldn't love to see be rethought by the mainstream
I was being sarcastic. I'm sorry that wasn't clear. The rest of my post was not sarcastic. Call it a dry humor that doesn't come across the web very well.
post #156 of 216
Quote:
Originally Posted by johub
Why in the world does whispering imply either fear or embarassment?
I have always thought it implied only discretion.
I should have said "For me, personally, whispering to my child would imply that I was fearful of being overheard or embarrassed of my views." There, now. Is that bland enough?

But really, you don't think kids pick up on social cues? There are times and reasons for whispering. Even 2 year olds know this. I think that when you're discussing ways in which you think the world should work (parents not hitting their kids) a child could pick up on the cue (lowering your voice, leaning forward) as much as they pick up on the message. They could easily come away with the whole message being "We don't like adults who hit their kids, but we don't say anything out loud. After all, we don't want to hurt the feelings of the person who's physically hurting the child."
post #157 of 216
I will never whisper to my children that spanking is wrong. I will never express my concerns in a less than obvious manner...i think its child abuse. period. i don't understand why i should need to take into consideration an adult's feelings or "rights" when he/she is obviously not taking into consideration the child's feelings/rights.
but, thats just me and like some others here...i guess i am a bit more outspoken. but then again, the Margaret Mead quote in my siggy expresses my feelings re: advocacy.
i admire the OP and truly believe she did the right thing (other than allow herself to be subjected to that hostile woman's harassment..i would have reported her immediately to the management..and the dad).
rach
post #158 of 216
Quote:
Originally Posted by Niamh
I should have said "For me, personally, whispering to my child would imply that I was fearful of being overheard or embarrassed of my views." There, now. Is that bland enough?
Same here.
post #159 of 216
:

Please realize this woman has serious issues which have nothing to do w/you. Hug your kids and be grateful they're not in an abusive family.
post #160 of 216
"Let me get this straight. Unintentionally shaming a woman who was eavesdropping on your table conversation -- wrong. Shaming your toddler by repeatedly spanking him in public -- okay."


NOBODY has said this. There are just several of us who insist on acknowleging the reality that a confrontation with an already-violent parent might well result in the child experiencing more violence. If anybody (not just Sheena, we'll all face this at some point) chooses not to use discretion when explaining a violent situation to their own kids, then I think it's important to own the possible consequences of that decision. It's not you vs. Spanking Mom (or Dad). It's you vs. them with their kid right square in the middle, very possibly taking the abuse that you are legally protected from.
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Gentle Discipline › A spanking mom verbally attacked me yesterday. REALLY long.