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A spanking mom verbally attacked me yesterday. REALLY long. - Page 2

post #21 of 216
That is just so appalling of her! Those poor babies. I agree with all those who said you did the right thing, especially letting those kids know that NOT everyone thinks the way they are being treated is OK. Obviously you really hit a nerve with that mother. How terrible that your kids had to witness that.
post #22 of 216
You did the right thing by speaking to your kids about it. I have been in that position before - not with spanking, but with hearing a parent be mean enough to their child that ds looked at me scared and confused, and I had to explain to him that what the adult was doing was wrong. I have never had the adult freak out to the extent that the crazy lady in the OP did, but I have gotten some glares.

I about cried thinking about how important it was for that young child to hear someone say that even if they are too young to process what it really means.
post #23 of 216
post #24 of 216
OMG! I've NEVER seen a child spanked. I don't know what I would do but I suspect that I wouldn't be very polite about it! That is REPULSIVE!!!!!!! I can't imagine how horrible that was for the child, or how horrible it was for everyone who had to witness it. How humiliating and WRONG!!!
post #25 of 216
i think you did the right thing. i dont know where you are and im not even sure what the law in NH is (where i am) but in alot of places, it is absue. ive never witnessed spanking in public, but i WOULD accuse someone of child abuse if i witnessed it.
i agree w/ what others have said though..i would have contacted the establishment's management and had them stop her from harassing me. she is not only a child abuser, but a stalker! jeez!
you did the right thing...ppl need to stand up to bullies..and thats what i see ppl who hit kids...what else do we call picking on someone who cant fight back?
your children will be proud of you...and maybe the little boy will think next time he gets a spanking that its wrong...maybe he will tell someone at school, etc. maybe something good will come out of it for the family (but you will never know).
you can only hope...but in the end you can only do what is right for you family, which you did.
post #26 of 216
Thread Starter 
Wow, I need to come here more often! Thank guys.

I think I feel guilty because I was being judgemental and one of my new year's resolutions is to stop judging other mothers. I was being judgemental and the person I was judging heard me and got upset. I feel like I was caught gossiping or something.

I would like to think she went so crazy on me because she deep down knows it's wrong. And, ITA, AngelBee, I feel like spanking in private is bad enough but spanking in public is humiliating and wrong for everyone around.
post #27 of 216
Thread Starter 
X-posted with you, Rachel.

I'm in Texas where they actually passed a resolution last year clarifying that spanking IS legal.
post #28 of 216
Hold your head high mamma. You did right by your children and her's.
post #29 of 216
"Children need discipline!"

Gee, I notice that your toddler is having a meltdown. The spanking didn't suddenly turn it off eh?

You did the right thing. You weren't telling her off. You were teaching your child your values in a real world situation. I think it was totally appropriate. Good for you for standing up for what you believe in and passing that on to your children.
post #30 of 216
Hi there Mamma,

I don't have children yet, and, I'm not sure how much of the "unconditional parenting" school I will subscribe to when we do, but, I had to post.

You did the RIGHT thing. I would have done the SAME thing. I can't believe that man thought is was okay for him to hit his little child for crying in a crazy room, how cruel... that mother was feeling guilty for what happened, that's why she followed you around like a lunatic trying to get others to reaffirm her nasty parenting choices, it's like looking for an alibi after a crime.

I don't know where this discipline=beating school of thought comes from, it does so much harm.

I do believe that children need firm parents, and, I don't think that being spanked twice in one's life by reasonable, loving parents equals abuse, but, I really can't fathom why someone would even bother having children if they treat them like those parents you saw are treating their poor babies.

Sorry for rambling, but, you did the right thing, I would have said the same thing to my children and most likely would have left the building.

Take care.
post #31 of 216
Crap! Well I grew up in TX too, where my cousins and I faced corporal punishment in school!

I don't know if that's still done there, but you're up against a very deeply held belief that children are there for taking out frustration on.

I know - I was one...

Such a bad situation.

About the judgements... You have every right to judge others' behavior as being harmful to you children to witness. Speaking up to them about it is far from gossiping. I hope you can let that worry go soon. This is a perfect example of why we humans have such a thing as judgement or discernment.
post #32 of 216
"I faced corporal punishment in school!"

Wow.... I'm really sorry that you had to deal with that. I've been reading some of those antispanking websites, and I can't understand why that is allowed to go on.
post #33 of 216
I got paddled in school when I lived in AL but to be honest getting it at school was much better than getting at home.
post #34 of 216

Hot Button Alert!


I would ask myself "Was I true to myself? Was I setting an example that I would want my children to witness and model? Was I initiating harm against anyone? Was I acting to protect another from harm?" Then what you did was right in *your* heart.

I would have done the same thing.

Only, I would and have spoken directly to the individual initially *BECAUSE* I choose to model the power of public dissent and non-violence to our son. I would have just said "Stop! You are hurting that child! Stop! Hitting children teaches them to hit. Stop! Stop hurting that child!" And if it had escalated to the event that you experienced, I would call 911 and report that a huge man is repeatedly hitting a child and the child is crying and cringing and there is a hysterical woman with him. Let them discuss their "discipline" with the police and see if they are as apt to hit their children in public again.

Now, if I merely saw a family in distress, I would and have intervened to diffuse the situation by empathizing with them. But, I know that if I saw a child being struck, I would be so angry that I would speak up for the child. Because I was that child and there is nothing that would keep me from voicing what is in that child's heart "STOP! STOP! STOP!". I have no fear of my child seeing me intervening on behalf of a child, ever. I do not fear the 6' 2" man. Not any longer.

I have taken an oath, literally, on the www.NoSpank.net site to intervene if I ever see a child hit by an adult. Hitting a child is assault. An environment without recourse where a child is repeatedly subjected to being hit, is abuse. Period.


Btw, the NoSpank site has many practical suggestions on how to verbally intervene when a child is hit, which may help others to become comfortable doing so. I believe to say nothing is condoning the public display of violence against children. And yes, Texas still has corporal punishment in schools, as do 21 others states in the US. I am actively working to abolish corporal punishment in schools locally, statewide and nationally.

Here is a link to find out if your state still has the archaic and barbaric practice of corporal punishment in schools. And what you can do to help! http://www.stophitting.com/disatschool/
post #35 of 216
I just wanted to tell you that I believe you did the right thing and I'm glad to have your experience as a model for my dd. We've never been in a situation like that but now I know what to do if we are.

And what you said about judging...I know what you mean. There were so many times I judged other parents before I had kids and I just laugh and laugh now because I see what it's like and I do so many of the things I said I'd never do. It isn't fair to judge someone when you don't understand their situation. But you do know what it's like to have an 18 mo old meltdown in a public place and you know that a spanking will never solve that problem. We have to make judgements, and stand by them, if we are all going to decide what we want for ourselves as a society.

The only way I can see offering that woman any compassion is knowing that she is mentally ill (everything she did was irrational and anti-social) and has absolutely no coping skills. But that doesn't excuse their choice to beat their baby. It's still wrong and you have a right to judge that behavior as such. All we can hope is that the whole family gets help someday soon.
post #36 of 216

You did absolutely everything right, in my opinion. I admire you. Your kids have a great mom.
post #37 of 216
It just makes my stomach turn to think of people hitting their children, it just makes me so ill. And a toddler? ???? God, I can only imagine what must go on INSIDE their home, if they are so off the deep end that they can do that horror in a public place. I second the PP who said maybe our country is the way it is because of spanking. I totally believe that to be the case. My parents always hit us, and you know what? I grew up hating them. They just suck. They never even paused one second to consider whether it was right or wrong, never cared if they hurt us mentally or physically, etc. And my mom, with whom I'm no longer on speaking terms, always criticized me for NOT hitting my children when they were acting out. Can you imagine? Spanking hurts. I'm glad you spoke up, I'm so glad, I'm sick that you all had to experience that (especially the children involved!!), and I pray for a day when violence no longer occurs.
post #38 of 216
Thread Starter 
I know, I almost cried thinking about what that baby's life must be like... at night if he wakes up scared and alone, or if he is crabby all day.

I honestly cannot wrap my mind around people thinking it is OK (and HOW can it be LEGAL???) to physically hit a child. That actually seems CRAZY to me. I mean, people think that hurting them is a good form of discipline.

I understand that parents lose their patience and sometimes things get out of hand. Although I totally believe that it is wrong to strike in anger I even more so can't believe people can plan out to hit their kids. Like First-degree spanking.
post #39 of 216
Like First-degree spanking.
post #40 of 216
Sheena, I am so glad you said something. Threatening to hit the child was horrible, and actually doing it . . .unconscionable.

Had the man done the same thing to his wife, he would have been arrested, or would have been thrown out at the very least. Yet somehow it's OK to hit a 20 lb child.

scubamama, thank you for those links.
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Gentle Discipline › A spanking mom verbally attacked me yesterday. REALLY long.