There's lots of background here, my actual question is at the bottom:
A week or so ago a friend of mine brought her 16 month old son over for a little Christmas get-together with me, my two younger sisters and my best friend. She's the only one of us who has a child yet (though my best friend is TTC), and is the youngest of us. My sisters and I were all daycare workers years ago, and have a good bit of experience with babies through that and babysitting, though I realize that does NOT really mean anything when it comes to actually raising a child.
Her son was a perfect angel the first hour or so, but at the restaurant he was slapping at the table (didn't bother me any, but she took him for a drive in the car rather than sitting there "bothering us"). I thought his actions were more or less age-appropriate for a non-verbal barely walking baby among people he hasn't seen in 4 months, who has no toys or anything to play with. He was in the high chair, and I think would have rather been down exploring or in mom's lap. He refused to eat the cherry Jell-O she was trying to feed him, and wouldn't play with the crayons either (though she said he usually just eats them).
Afterward she was holding him and he was slapping at her a little (I think he was trying to get her attention and/or thought it was a game) and would bite at her shoulder or knee (when he was standing holding on to her). She said he was teething. She's apparently been trying to teach him "gentle" for several months now, unsuccessfully. (And I suspect, not that consistently. He was being encouraged to "give five" to my best friend, which I think is probably not a great idea while trying to teach "no hitting")
She gave him firm verbal "NO!"s several times, but not every time. She threatened to spank, but thankfully did not. Both my sisters and my best friend were advocating spanking and "bite the tar out of him one good time!" "It worked for so & so's 10 month old, he never bit anyone again!"
Luckily for the baby, she said "Oh, I just couldn't do that!"
Meanwhile, I was gently saying "I don't think biting him is necessarily a great way to teach him NOT to bite" and things like that, but mostly just biting my own tongue. My sisters are both "I'm always right and you're stupid for thinking otherwise" sorts of people, and everyone there (except the mom) knows that I'm not a fan of spanking and don't think it's really effective. I was in no mood to rock the boat. The baby was very obviously sleepy, and it was past his bedtime. She gave him a bottle finally and he quieted down. I'm sure he fell asleep in the car on the way home.
This mom does not read well I gather, and therefore WON'T read. Really. Anything longer than a very, very short e-mail she'll ignore, and what she does read does not stay with her - I don't know if it is comprehension or retention but she'll forget she ever read it. She did carry a baby book around for the first month or so of his life, but used it as a reference - she'd look up in the index what she needed to know and absolutely nothing more.
She's gotten rid of her computer in preparation for moving in a month or two, so websites and e-mails won't be much help AND she's short on money.
She does watch TV, DVDs and videos all the time (literally - she works in a video store so watches movies all day and NEVER turns the TV off at home - she says the baby really likes all the Star Wars movies...), and retains movie dialogue and things like that very well.
Is there ANYTHING I can recommend to (or get for) her to help with the biting and hitting, or appropriate discipline in general? Something entertaining, fast paced, easily understandable? Something I could say, "Hey, thought you might like this!"
I need an MTV-style music video or a short comic book about gentle discipline and age-appropriate behavior, basically.
Should I really just mind my own business? She seemed frustrated, so I feel the urge to help.
On a good note, despite seeming very anti-AP at first she is now cosleeping with him, and he does seem very well bonded to her and happy!
A week or so ago a friend of mine brought her 16 month old son over for a little Christmas get-together with me, my two younger sisters and my best friend. She's the only one of us who has a child yet (though my best friend is TTC), and is the youngest of us. My sisters and I were all daycare workers years ago, and have a good bit of experience with babies through that and babysitting, though I realize that does NOT really mean anything when it comes to actually raising a child.
Her son was a perfect angel the first hour or so, but at the restaurant he was slapping at the table (didn't bother me any, but she took him for a drive in the car rather than sitting there "bothering us"). I thought his actions were more or less age-appropriate for a non-verbal barely walking baby among people he hasn't seen in 4 months, who has no toys or anything to play with. He was in the high chair, and I think would have rather been down exploring or in mom's lap. He refused to eat the cherry Jell-O she was trying to feed him, and wouldn't play with the crayons either (though she said he usually just eats them).
Afterward she was holding him and he was slapping at her a little (I think he was trying to get her attention and/or thought it was a game) and would bite at her shoulder or knee (when he was standing holding on to her). She said he was teething. She's apparently been trying to teach him "gentle" for several months now, unsuccessfully. (And I suspect, not that consistently. He was being encouraged to "give five" to my best friend, which I think is probably not a great idea while trying to teach "no hitting")
She gave him firm verbal "NO!"s several times, but not every time. She threatened to spank, but thankfully did not. Both my sisters and my best friend were advocating spanking and "bite the tar out of him one good time!" "It worked for so & so's 10 month old, he never bit anyone again!"
Luckily for the baby, she said "Oh, I just couldn't do that!"
Meanwhile, I was gently saying "I don't think biting him is necessarily a great way to teach him NOT to bite" and things like that, but mostly just biting my own tongue. My sisters are both "I'm always right and you're stupid for thinking otherwise" sorts of people, and everyone there (except the mom) knows that I'm not a fan of spanking and don't think it's really effective. I was in no mood to rock the boat. The baby was very obviously sleepy, and it was past his bedtime. She gave him a bottle finally and he quieted down. I'm sure he fell asleep in the car on the way home.
This mom does not read well I gather, and therefore WON'T read. Really. Anything longer than a very, very short e-mail she'll ignore, and what she does read does not stay with her - I don't know if it is comprehension or retention but she'll forget she ever read it. She did carry a baby book around for the first month or so of his life, but used it as a reference - she'd look up in the index what she needed to know and absolutely nothing more.
She's gotten rid of her computer in preparation for moving in a month or two, so websites and e-mails won't be much help AND she's short on money.
She does watch TV, DVDs and videos all the time (literally - she works in a video store so watches movies all day and NEVER turns the TV off at home - she says the baby really likes all the Star Wars movies...), and retains movie dialogue and things like that very well.
Is there ANYTHING I can recommend to (or get for) her to help with the biting and hitting, or appropriate discipline in general? Something entertaining, fast paced, easily understandable? Something I could say, "Hey, thought you might like this!"
I need an MTV-style music video or a short comic book about gentle discipline and age-appropriate behavior, basically.
Should I really just mind my own business? She seemed frustrated, so I feel the urge to help.
On a good note, despite seeming very anti-AP at first she is now cosleeping with him, and he does seem very well bonded to her and happy!
If you can, tell her about a few things that "seem to work with my friend's kid" iykwim. Make up a friend and a kid if you have to lol. or use the moms here.
