How are 2 kids different than 1?

[Guest*]

My dd will be 2 1/2 when baby #2 gets here. I'm interested in hearing your experiences with going from 1 child to 2.

[shelbean91]

My biggest thing was having to choose which child to help first when they both needed me. Someone had to cry sometimes. I couldn't be in 2 places at once and that was hard for me to adjust to.

[BirthFree]

Wellll... mine was 1.5 when my second (first surprise) baby was born - it was a big adjustment for me. Someone had to cry, both didn't understand, both were so tiny, I was maxed out from the start. It has been an adventurous 2 years I tell ya. They are also both very high intensity boys - my house is wild. They are also, wonderful friends. Good trade off huh?

I think 1 - 2 wasn't as big of an adjustment as it could have been... this time my youngest will be 2.5, my oldest will be 4 so I expect it to be much different (and difficult) than before. My youngest is very much a Momma's boy (which is great) but may post some problems with a new one. You have two arms when you have two (and still I am good at holding both) and two hands to hang onto them... you'll get a groove by about 3m.


~Julie

[orangefoot]

mmm it was a while ago and my ds1 was 3 and some when ds2 arrived so he was quite competent in lots of things and not too needy. I think the most complicated thing was one thing coming together as another fell apart iykwim.

Ds1 was very loving to his brother and ds2 thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. I had felt sorry for ds2 not having me all to himself and getting my full attention but after a while I realised that ds1 had missed out by having only me to play with. The little guy was absolutely mesmerised by his brother; he watched his every move and was rewarded with gymnastic shows, silly voices, silly faces and non stop entertainment.

Second children have more people to love them and you just manage all the other things which then become normal and you wouldn't have it any different. But there will be more noise in the house!

So now will someone tell me about going from 3 to 4?

rachel

[Guest*]

Well, those changes don't sound too terrifying! I keep focusing on the negative because my dd is very spirited and I'm overwhelmed by the thought of having 2 of her. I hope they can be really good playmates.

I'll keep telling myself that having more children doesn't mean the love is divided, but multiplied.

[HomeBirthMommy]

My girls are 26 months apart and the second was a surprise as I had wanted them much farther apart. I felt guilty for robbing dd#1 of our special time together and bringing another baby into the family while she was still such a baby. It turns out the spacing between them is quite ideal for them. They get along pretty well (for sisters ) and #1 doesn't even remember a time w/o her sister now.

For me, the biggest fears were things like "how in the world will I take two kids to the grocery store" and things like that. I do remember having some guilt about having to choose whose needs got met first, which was difficult.

I have worked out all of that now and feel pretty confident parenting two. My biggest gripe is that the messes are soooooo much more with two. If one begins a craft, soon the entire kitchen is covered in glue and sequins and tiny pieces of paper. And of course there are the times when they just plain don't get along. But I figure those are all parts of being a mama and the benefits far outweight that silly stuff, kwim?

It is a little scary, but before long you'll be a real pro.

[Guest*]

Originally Posted by HomeBirthMommy

For me, the biggest fears were things like "how in the world will I take two kids to the grocery store" and things like that. I do remember having some guilt about having to choose whose needs got met first, which was difficult.

Grocery shopping and getting things done outside the house is a huge fear of mine. I'm sure we'll find a way to make it work, but the idea of learning this all over again is overwhelming.

The other big fear....sibling rivalry! I should start reading some books/articles on the subject now while I still have a couple hours of free time each day.

But I figure those are all parts of being a mama and the benefits far outweight that silly stuff, kwim?

I do know what you mean and having 1 I can understand that you can get back a lot more than you give. The anxiety should go away once I'm actually BEING a mom of two.

Thanks for your reply.

[shelbean91]

We haven't really had any sibling rivalry yet, but they're still young, so who knows. As far as grocery shopping, and other stuff, I was REALLY worried about it, but it ended up being not so bad. I'd sling the baby, hold the older ones hand until they got to the shopping cart and that was it. The older one rode in the cart at the store, baby in the sling. Going to 3, I was again terrified of that, but ti ended up not being too bad and my oldest helps a lot (holding a hand so brother doesn't run into the street, etc.)

[Leilalu]

Originally Posted by jlpolzin

Well, those changes don't sound too terrifying! I keep focusing on the negative because my dd is very spirited and I'm overwhelmed by the thought of having 2 of her. I hope they can be really good playmates.

I'll keep telling myself that having more children doesn't mean the love is divided, but multiplied.

It is very challengeing(!) I won't lie....but mine are 19 months apart and best of friends
Dd is very spirited, and I was worried-and she has been through alot having a new sibling so young-but I wanted another baby because I felt her personality needed another baby,that she needed someone to play with!
I think the benefits of having 2 children close in age far outweigh the trouble in the present. Ds is spirited, but in a nother way.They are very different. Ds was a very high needs baby-cried alot, very fussy,whereas dd was always happy. So it was hard. But I am alive, we are all happy. Life is good
I constantly get remarks IRL, from moms who have BTDT and they say it only gets easier and they are so glad they had thier kids close in age.

[bohemama]

Do any of you have children spaced farther apart? DD will be almost 5.5 by the time this little one is born. I've heard that when siblings are spaced 5 years apart or more it's like being an only child again. While we weren't trying for that, we did want about 5 years in between. I was just wondering if anyone had a family dynamic like that and how it's working out.

Congrats to everyone!!

[HomeBirthMommy]

I'm a little nervous about that, too since mine girls will be almost 7 and 4 1/2. We're 99% sure this will be our last baby and I'm so worried that s/he will feel left out, kwim? I'm especially worried about my younger dd being the middle child as she is very sensitive and doesn't take to change well. She is also a child that likes to be held and cuddled every possible second and I'm afriad she will have a difficult adjustment. We moved in August and she's just starting to seem like her old self again after a really difficult few months. We're not sure if we should go ahead and tell them now to begin the adjustment or wait until I'm showing (and things are a little "safer"). Whew-life is about to change again!

[MamaEm24]

Going from 1 to 2 for me was not too bad. My two are 14 months apart. I have one of each my oldest being a boy and youngest a girl. They are now 4 and 3 and will be 4 and 5 when my next is born (still in 2ww to find out). It was not much of a huge change for me however I hated having 2 in diapers and different sizes at that. It did get expensive! Since they are so close in age they are very close as siblings, they play all the time together. They do have thier fights but still adore eachother and spend all there time together. The only hard part about going to the grocery store is that they both want to ride in the small part while I push the cart around, at least now our grocery store has those cars on the front of the carts so they can ride in there. There are horror stories and non-horror stories, its different for us all. You will be a pro at it in no time at all
Congratulations!! And best of luck!

[jadzia's_mommy]

Yeah, I'm a little skittish going from one to two also! DD will be a year and 10 months when the new little one gets here. I have a feeling I'll be using the sling a LOT.

I am trying to figure out the logistics of sleep. We co-sleep with DD, and I don't want to boot her out of the bed for the new baby, but I'm having a hard time envisioning how we're all going to fit in this bed. DD loves to sprawl out and she ends up taking up half the king size bed all by herself. I have no idea how such a little girl can take up so much room! We have an Amby (which we used a little) and a co-sleeper (which we never used) and I can't decide if we want to try using those with the new baby or if I'll just want to BF in bed so badly that I'll skip that entirely and try & fit all 4 of us in the bed. Any thoughts from BTDT co-sleepers?

[chalynm]

Originally Posted by gsmama2

Do any of you have children spaced farther apart? DD will be almost 5.5 by the time this little one is born. I've heard that when siblings are spaced 5 years apart or more it's like being an only child again.

DH is the youngest and about 7 and 5 yrs younger than his brothers. He says he totally felt/feels like an only child. He has very little in common with them. BUT his parents also raised him very differently than the other two, treated him differently, the works. So I don't know how much of that is the age difference and how much is due to his parents.

On the co-sleeping...we stopped when DD was about 6 mos. because DH and I weren't sleeping well. She wasn't nursing at night anymore, but she was so active in her sleep that we just weren't able to rest.

Anyway, I've read that the most important thing when co-sleeping with an infant *and* a toddler is to keep the two separate. They say that young children have little to no body awareness when they're alseep and so are much more likely to roll over on an infant. That's why they can easily fall out of bed; they don't realize that they're close to the edge.

[kblue]

My girls are 24 months, 3 days apart and they are the best of friends. We actually planned our second. My sister is exactly 2 years older than me her first 2 girls are 2 years apart. I have the most wonderful childhood memories of my sister and now we are best friends.

Taking 2 out and about is definitely more complicated than 1, but I love it. The hard time for me was when dd2 was a newborn and dd1 was still nursing and needing a lot of attention. Luckily, my mom was around a lot and was able to hold the baby while I spent quality time with dd1. Dh was a huge help when he wasn't working.

We continued to co-sleep when dd2 was born. We took the side of the crib off (which had been used to store clean laundry before that - no baby had ever actually slept in it ) and side carred it to our bed. Our oldest slept there and the baby was between me and dh. It worked out wonderfully. Now the girls sleep in twin beds pushed together. They would rather sleep with eachother than us! It's so cute.

[daisysmom]

dd1 was 3 when dd2 was born and had just weaned I was really hoping to tandem nurse; hopefully this time. She was such a huge help with the baby when dd2 got here. We found other good ways to bond. dd1 would cuddle with her head on my other breast while dd2 ate. they would be face to face. they really enjoyed nursing time like this and dd1 wasn't left out. I also made a rind sling long and deep enough to carry both girls in it. I carried them together in the front for a while and then dd1 in the back and dd2 in the front. this lasted til dd1 was about 4. It helped to keep dd1 from feeling excluded and the counter balance on my back actually helped me a lot when babywearing. We didn't have any sibling rivalry or jealousy at all until dd1 was 1. then dd2 started to feel a little displaced. It only lasted for about 2 weeks though. she asked if she could nurse one day. I understood why she was asking so I told her she was always welcome to nurse. She latched on for about 10 seconds and walked away happy. She just needed reassurance that she still had her mama and was special too, even though she had to share me now. I haven't had any more problems on her end since and dd2 is 16 mos now. hopefully everything goes as smoothly with dc3

[marymamma]

Originally Posted by HomeBirthMommy

For me, the biggest fears were things like "how in the world will I take two kids to the grocery store" and things like that.

I am pregnant with #2 and I was thinking that exact thing the other day when I was trying to hold my squirmy DD (16 months), pay the cashier, and carry my bags out. How do you go to the grocery store, gas station, clothes shopping, etc. when you have 2 so young?

Since my belly has gotten bigger and its harder to carry DD around, I have been letting her walk. She does really well as long as she is holding my finger, but as soon as I let go she takes off and is into everything. I know I will probably be using the Maya wrap a lot more with #2, but do any of you have any other suggestions?

[Momma_Monroe]

Originally Posted by jlpolzin

My dd will be 2 1/2 when baby #2 gets here. I'm interested in hearing your experiences with going from 1 child to 2.

I feel the same way. My son will turn 6 the month after the baby is born. He is at the age where he can do a lot for himself, but still needs mommy's help. Will he feel left out because the new baby will require so much attention. Also how will it be at his birthday party when everyone dotes over the new baby? Everyone has a different oppinion. Some say it's easy some say it's not. I guess we just won't know until the babies are born and we are mommies to 2.

[philomom]

Mine are 26 months apart. I meant for them to be 3 years apart or more, but you know how that is.

For me the main issue was mobility. My hubby and I took one baby everywhere. Music, coffee shops, galleries and even snuck her into a couple of grown ups only parties. I was nursing her so all I need was a little bag for the cloth dipes.

With two, I just seemed to have all this "luggage". A stroller, snacks for the toddler, still a diaper bag, toddler toys to help keep her quiet if I had to nurse her brother, etc and so on. I literally felt "weighted down". It doesn't last forever, but I felt quite isolated for the first year juggling two kids outside the home.

Good luck.

[guinnessinu]

Well I went straight from 1 to 3, so not quite the same thing, but a similar type of adjustment. Ds#1 was just about to turn 2 when the twins came along and he was wonderful! Kieran is incredibly mature for his age plus I also think it helped that my mother came to help for the first couple of months. That way there was always someone who was able to attend to his needs right away and he never felt like he was being "ignored" because of his younger brothers. The adjustment after my Mom left was a bit harder. I guess I just became incredibly organized. I always made sure my toddlers needs(snack, craft, activity) were taken care of first before sitting down to nurse the twins(which really was the only thing that consumed my time) and that he still got plenty of 1 on 1 time when the babies were napping.

We also have to deal with birthdays being very close together. Actually this next baby is due right around my other children's b-days too! The first year this really worked out wonderfully because we threw a party Kieran and made him star for the day! I really think this helped ease the transition and helped him to realize how important he still was!