He's had cancer in his bladder. They thought they treated/got rid of it all 10 years ago, and continued checking for it throughout the years, but missed it every time, and now he is dying. They think he has 10 days left on this earth. His liver is gone, literally, wasted away to nothing. He is jaundiced. He has lost alot of weight, but he is bloated in his legs and belly. He's in GA and I'm in MI and cant get to him until tuesday, (january 3rd).
The Dr's have advised my family to take grandpa off of all his IV medications and even PAIN MEDICATION and let him pass away. My grandpa's mind is still intact and he is angry about this. He told my mom he was mad at them b/c "you're all giving up on me." He was expecting to get some chemo, but the Dr says he's so far advanced, it wouldnt help or do anything but make him miserable in his last days. NO ONE has told grandpa this. NO ONE. Grandma is supposed to talk to him about it today. She has been putting it off b/c I think she has been in denial about it herself. and even tho no one has talked to him about this, he has been telling visitors, "I won't be here much longer. I won't be here another month," etc.
My grandpa is and was always a fighter. He is 78 years old. He is so smart, quick witted, and just a fighter.
my mom told him that DD and I are coming to see him. that seemed to perk up his attitude. I think he knows I will fight for him. Even if its futile, if he asks me to call another Dr, I will. He knows we have that same spark and fighting spirit, and I hope he can hang on for me to get there. I understand that he doesnt have long, whether he gets any other care or not, but it should be HIS DECISION.
I'm as angry as he is, I think. I dont know the full gravity of the situation, and I wont know til I get there. but what I'm hearing, I dont like. Grandpa is not being involved in his own care, he is not being informed of decisions or making decisions for himself.
I'm most angry that they are DENYING him PAIN MEDICATION!!! he gets 1 pain pill a day, that's it.
I know there must be more to this that I dont know. My mom and grandma are not bad ppl and wouldnt be cruel to my grandpa like this. However, they do listen to Dr's and do what the Dr's tell them to, even if they have doubts about it.
But that isnt why I'm in this forum. I'm here mostly to try to come to terms with what is happening and to help my mom through the loss of her 'daddy.' Its hard on everyone, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. My father's father passed away suddenly 8 years ago, and dad turned to drugs/alcohol. he is still using and is still not back to any sort of normal. (my parents have been divorced now for 18 years). I was only 17 at the time and was more worried about my own grief than my dad's/anyone elses'...plus I had just had a m/c that i didnt tell anyone about, and my very good friend died close to the same time. So I was dealing alot with my own problems and not focusing on anyone else.
I'm sorry if this doesnt make alot of sense. I'm trying to get everything out, and its hard.
I'm trying to help my own grief. I want to help my mom w/ her grief. I want to help my grandma. I'm just not sure what to do. I dont know how I can go down there and be silent about how grandpa is being cared for, to spare the feelings of my grandma, my mom, aunt and uncle.
If anyone made it thru this, bless you for reading. I'm dealing with mixed emotions about all of this, and I'm not sure what to do.
The Dr's have advised my family to take grandpa off of all his IV medications and even PAIN MEDICATION and let him pass away. My grandpa's mind is still intact and he is angry about this. He told my mom he was mad at them b/c "you're all giving up on me." He was expecting to get some chemo, but the Dr says he's so far advanced, it wouldnt help or do anything but make him miserable in his last days. NO ONE has told grandpa this. NO ONE. Grandma is supposed to talk to him about it today. She has been putting it off b/c I think she has been in denial about it herself. and even tho no one has talked to him about this, he has been telling visitors, "I won't be here much longer. I won't be here another month," etc.
My grandpa is and was always a fighter. He is 78 years old. He is so smart, quick witted, and just a fighter.
my mom told him that DD and I are coming to see him. that seemed to perk up his attitude. I think he knows I will fight for him. Even if its futile, if he asks me to call another Dr, I will. He knows we have that same spark and fighting spirit, and I hope he can hang on for me to get there. I understand that he doesnt have long, whether he gets any other care or not, but it should be HIS DECISION.
I'm as angry as he is, I think. I dont know the full gravity of the situation, and I wont know til I get there. but what I'm hearing, I dont like. Grandpa is not being involved in his own care, he is not being informed of decisions or making decisions for himself.
I'm most angry that they are DENYING him PAIN MEDICATION!!! he gets 1 pain pill a day, that's it.
I know there must be more to this that I dont know. My mom and grandma are not bad ppl and wouldnt be cruel to my grandpa like this. However, they do listen to Dr's and do what the Dr's tell them to, even if they have doubts about it.
But that isnt why I'm in this forum. I'm here mostly to try to come to terms with what is happening and to help my mom through the loss of her 'daddy.' Its hard on everyone, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. My father's father passed away suddenly 8 years ago, and dad turned to drugs/alcohol. he is still using and is still not back to any sort of normal. (my parents have been divorced now for 18 years). I was only 17 at the time and was more worried about my own grief than my dad's/anyone elses'...plus I had just had a m/c that i didnt tell anyone about, and my very good friend died close to the same time. So I was dealing alot with my own problems and not focusing on anyone else.
I'm sorry if this doesnt make alot of sense. I'm trying to get everything out, and its hard.
I'm trying to help my own grief. I want to help my mom w/ her grief. I want to help my grandma. I'm just not sure what to do. I dont know how I can go down there and be silent about how grandpa is being cared for, to spare the feelings of my grandma, my mom, aunt and uncle.
If anyone made it thru this, bless you for reading. I'm dealing with mixed emotions about all of this, and I'm not sure what to do.
for your grandpa.
to you mama.
