I'll work backwards here-thank you to everyone who posted. Again, it's always comforting to know I'm not the only mama with these feelings.
: You know, DH just said something to me the other day when I was not picking up the phone when a friend called (I just didn't feel like talking at that moment and let the phone go to our voicemail). He asked if I was avoiding her and I said, NO, I just don't want to talk right now. And he said something about how it's a bit wacky that I'm doing the avoiding considering I have a history of talking about being lonely without many SAHM friends. To him, I guess, things are very fixable. Like, if you're lonely, fix it. Pick up the phone, make a call, go out, etc. And he's right on many levels. Althogh I've realized some things about myself since having kids that aren't wonderful. Like, I can be very picky, sort of judgmental about people sometimes. In fact, when I was first at home with my son almost 4 years ago, it took me a few months to start joining groups, trying to make friends, etc. I think I had some kind of checklist in my head for a friend that I really didn't even know existed. Until I would meet someone and they bottle fed, or they didn't sleep with their kids, or perhaps they worked part time. And they weren't exactly like me, so I would somehow write them off. I know that sounds horrible, but I'm being honest here. I think there were probably a few relationships in those early months and years that could have become deeper and more fulfilling relationships had I stuck with them a little better. Karma is a b&*$th b/c a few moms sort of did this to me, too. Blew me off a bit. At that time, I used to joke with DH that I was "dating" other women. Trying friendships on for size, all the while still feeling very lonely inside. Whew! Was that a ramble or what??
Oh, and TLO-I am already at my wits end with my DH working a more "regular" schedule. He is home at 7pm, and leaves for work at 8:15 am. A long day, but nothing like a physician's hours. I know a few people IRL who have partners where basically they are IT all the time, and that's rough, rough, rough.
wurzel-It's so rough. I'm happy to hear that you've developed some friendships that you are happy with. I think your post is a great example of getting our of ourselves a bit-getting over our *ideas* of the perfect friend, or relationship. Oh, and MDC has been a HUGE, important part of my life now for 3.5 years. HUGE. Oh-and I'm so happy your little one is fine now. AND DS, who had much more minor issues right at birth, had to sleep RIGHT ON TOP OF ME, too. Pretty much for almost 18 months!
alkenny-Thanks again for giving me the extra push to work to connect more with DH. Your posts are encouraging that.
Oh-and another thing here-co-sleeping right now, when we're really realizing how much we miss our own space, our own place for US only, is really rough. I don't think that things are going to change overnight, and at this point (older DS is now almost 4) I realize that he might just be staying put until he chooses to go to his own bed. And right now, that makes me a bit said. There's no place to escape the high-needs and challenges of my son. Seriously. We have tough days, and then I just don't want to be that physically close to him at night some nights. But I guess this is another thread.
afishwithabike-Yes, adult conversation is what I'm jonesing for most days! It has been soooooo nice having DH here a few extra days over the holidays. And I think part of that, besides the obvious part of having the extra hands, is that I can say, "Oh, did you hear about such and such?" Or, "I was listening to NPR this mornign and blah-blah-blah". Can't really talk about the important stuff with a 4 year old and a 16 mos old.
huggerwocky-I can imagine that some of the nuances of this SAHM social interaction is extra hard for you. But keep in mind that from this thread alone (and many others here at MDC) it seems like it's rough for so many of us for sooo many reasons. Are there activities that your DC is involved with that the parents attend? Any other kind of support groups in your area? Something you're interested in during your "free" time?
briansmama-You're reminding me that DH and I used to do these sorts of things all the time. We need to get back to it, really, really do.
GTg.More when I can. Thanks, mamas.