chores done running out the door

[aisraeltax]

does anyone here have chores for their teenagers? my son has a few things he has to do (change litter boxes, take trash out, keep room clean - this latter rule is very flexible, as far as im concerned; things like that).
my problem is that he wont do them until he wants something (to go somewhere - and the ride is in the driveway; $$$, or to get a ride somewhere). so, when he FINALLY gets around to his chores, he does them in a MAD RUSH, usually w/ some type of deadline given to the adults (we have to leave in 15 minutes to get to the movie on time; or some other parent is waiting in the driveway (like tonight).
im just sooo tired of having to deal w/ his procrastination and general disrespect in getting things done. as long as he doesn't need anything or want to go anywhere, he ignores continual requests to complete his chores.
any advice? im at my wits end w/ him.
rach

[johub]

I am SO right there.
I am starting to do the "active waiting" suggested by Anthony Wolf. I cant just assign chores and expect they get done before X happens.
I have to assign them to get done NOW. And then stand there over her shoulder till she gets up and does it.
it is exhausting. My 2 year olds cooperate more willingly.
wish I had some miracle advice for you but I havent found anything that works other than just being a Mean Mom about the whole thing.
Joline

[aisraeltax]

yep! im right there too. i read the book "get out of my life but first drive me and x to the mall" and they suggested making them do chores right then and there also. dh always likes to say "it needs to be done today" but that doesnt get it. ds1 will sit in his room, on his computer, listening to his ipod and playing xbox ALL DAY! then a friend will suggest doing something and he will run around the house like a herd of elephants doing chores. im just tired of it.
when he wants something, he is so loving...but i know its manipulation. but, this is my son and i love him..i want to feel the affection (mainly b/c at 15 there is so much less of it).
and the 7 yo is sooo much more help!!!
what book are you reading?
rach

[Red]

Our rule, after years of the above, is chores must be done before lunch. We live inthe middle of nowhere, and my kids rarely want to go anywhere early, so this works.



Uh, not with their rooms though. I never check them before they go, they're always a disaster. Eventually I say either, "I'll be ready to play Risk when your rooms are clean." or "No tv, phone, or video screens of any kkind after lunch until your rooms are clean."


I'lll be saying one or the other tomorrow!

[art4babies]

Hi There everyone.

I have used a Chore Chart, and if Hannah (14) hasn't been doing the chores regularly (i.e., blowing them off consistently) then she is basically grounded from going anywhere with friends. This has worked, to a point.

I know the thing where they don't do the chores unless they want something. Or, they are only nice if they want something. This is so disappointing.

Anyway, she has to have them done by 9 p.m. every night. I will let one or two a day go, unless it is the same chore day after day (recycling).

I am so sick of having to remind her every day to do her chores. ::ugh::

Oh, and brushing the teeth. Should I even have to remind a 14 y.o. to do this?

[SherryR]

I started a new chore chart a few weeks ago. It's a "family" chore chart. Everyone is assigned certain duties to be done every day for a week and then it rotates. This way, for a whole week we are all doing the same thing each day. They must do the chores right after school and I say "to get it out of the way and done with, so you can move on with your afternoon". So far, so good. I even have a checklist with each day of the week listed under each of our names. At the end of the week, it'll determine how much allowance they get. Although, I'm not giving them the option of "skipping" days right now. Unless their specific chore is still considered "done" from the day before.

This week, for example, DD (14) only has to make sure the bathroom upstairs is clean (and I made SURE to list every detail of what CLEAN entails, otherwise she'd swipe through and then say "welll, you didn't SAY to do XX, too) & she also has to make sure the upstairs hallway is clean (vacuumed, etc). She's got an easy week this week. What just killed me was the first week we started this, I gave myself the dishes & laundry because those are the 2 things she gripes about having to do. So, i figured I'd be a nice mommy and give her a break from them. First thing out of her mouth: "can I have the dishes & laundry next week?". OY. She's going to give me a lot of gray hair.

We've tried other ways and this seems to be working the best. I haven't had any of the issues we had before with her getting chores done. Maybe because it's more clearly outlined now? I'm not sure what it is, but I'll take it!

Good Luck with whatever you decide to try with him. I know how frustrating it is!

[aisraeltax]

Originally Posted by SherryR

(and I made SURE to list every detail of what CLEAN entails, otherwise she'd swipe through and then say "welll, you didn't SAY to do XX, too) ...She's going to give me a lot of gray hair.

just getting back to this. would love to see what you have detailed...i never seem to be able to explain it enough (cleaning YOUR bathroom involves actually taking the wand and cleaning INSIDE the bowl...there has been a dark ring there FOREVER and no one else uses this b/r!!).

i think im definitely going to grey prematurly!!

rach