Dealing with the emergence of a pre-teen attitude

[operamommy]

My ds is 10, soon to be 11, and we're beginning to see it. How have you all dealt with it? He was in a terrible mood this morning, and I had a talk with him. I asked him if sometimes he was mad or sad for no reason, and he said, "yes," so I explained about hormones, etc. and suggested he begin keeping a journal. I also made sure he knows he can talk to me and dh. What else can I do to help? Thanks - he's my oldest so this is all new to me!

[gr8tfulmom]

Sounds like you are doing a great job so far. He's assured you are around but given the freedom to dip into age appropriate drama every now and then. I really like the idea of a journal and think that could be a tool for our house too. OTOH another journal to keep track of kinda bites living with an 8, 9, and 10 yo (all girls) - We have journals coming out of our ears!

[fek&fuzz]

One thing I love, that I wish someone would make for boys, is the American Girls Feelings Workbook. I got one for my boyfriend (he had given me the Feelings book on our first Christmas, so it's kind of a theme), and he gave one to his 12 y.o. daughter. Maybe you could buy the book and put the exercises into another journal that doesn't have pictures of girls all over it.
Seriously, why don't they have these for boys??

[PancakeGoddess]

Because boys are only allowed to be happy or angry. :

[imalwaysreading]

I'm the mom of a pre-teen boy and I really do wish something was out there for boys. We as parents need the tools to encourage and support them just as moms of teenage girls have.

Anyhow, I think you are on the right track. My son was always very calm and laid back and once he hit 11, wow, did things go downhill quickly! He had a bad group of friends and was absolutely the most difficult child at that time. I took a lot of patience and understanding on my part, but I didn't know how to deal with him a lot of the times.

He's a bit older now, and those emotions still resurface occasionally, but they have calmed down quite a bit. I think you did the right thing in letting him know he can talk to you. We had my son in therapy because of his issues, and I always told him to find someone, anyone to talk to. Recommending journals is an awesome idea and is very therapeutic for most.

All you can do is be there for him. It will probably get worse before it gets better, but you seem to know this is all a process and things do get better!
Best of luck.

[SRHS]

Maybe there aren't journals out there for boys because they more typically go and "work it out" by doing something. While I think a journal is a great idea and I like the idea of rewriting the Girly stuff in another journal, maybe he also needs a hobby he can turn to when he needs to "work stuff out" I know my husband enjoys going and woodworking and my son (only 9 and not toomuch tude yet) enjoys shooting arrows at a target...good way to get rid of some aggression too....I think that while all the typically feminine tools should also be available to boys without fear or shame, we shyould also honor their masculinity and allow them "boy tools" as well.

Some great books are Real Boys by William Pollack and
The Wonder of Boys by Micheal Gurian

HTH, Sus

[operamommy]

SRHS, I hadn't thought of encouraging a hobby for that reason! Dh woodworks, but so far dd is more interested than ds! I think I'll have a talk with ds tomorrow and see what he might be interested in.

Thanks to everyone for the suggestions!