Opinions on 7mo. old

[mama_b]

I was going to put this in Life With a Babe, but then I thought it would go better here. I need your opinions on my 7 mo old dd. She has recently started grabbing mine and dh's faces really hard whenever she gets the chance. She just grabs and pulls really hard and squeezes and pinches and it hurts REALLY bad. I have little claw marks on my face and dh has them on his neck. I don't know what to do about this. When I am caught off guard and scream out in pain, she laughs at me. Once I pry her little hands off my face I just look at her and say "That hurts mommy. You need to be gentle." And then I take her fingertips and gently brush them against my face. She just looks at me and smiles. I don't think she has any idea. I havn't really been stern with her or anything because she is only a baby and she does not understand. She really can't be doing that though. Am I doing the right thing? Does anyone have any suggestions? TIA.

[alegna]

Sounds like you're on the right track. It's a stage. They just don't know any better- it's not a discipline issue at all.

hope she gets bored with it soon!

-Angela

[SneakyPie]

Mine did this too -- I think he was just testing his strength. I just kept after him kindly about what kind of touch is OK on faces, and let him go after his stuffies as much as he wanted (we are now doing this with biting, which he does when v happy as well as when angry). Get out that calendula salve & the nail clippers and hang in there -- I can now laugh about the days when I looked like I'd been attacked by kittens!

[juju's mom]

Our dd did and still does this now and she is 13 months old. She is getting better because when she does it now, she looks almost shocked that it hurts and starts to rub our faces. So cute to see her caring but it does hurt! It isn't as bad as it used to be.

[captain crunchy]

Our babe is a couple of weeks shy of 7 months old and she has taken to pinching us...hardddddddddddddd.....

I know she is not doing it on purpose to be "mean" and that she is not intentionally trying to hurt us...I think she is just testing out her new ability to manipulate her forefinger and thumb together and finds that very cool...

Sometimes I say "owww!" not intentionally, but just as a normal reaction when she does it out of the blue....I usually gently redirect her hand and say "mama does not like being pinched" in a gentle, but serious tone...then I will hand her something small (big enough not to choke on though) so she can satisfy the need to practice her *pincher* grasp...

It may take a while but I am confident she will grasp it (haha, pun intented)...

I think it is a completely normal developmental stage and no *discipline* is needed. you do have a right to set your own personal boundries, so I would just clearly, gently, and simply state them. "I do not like being pinched, I like being touched gently." (then demonstrate)

She will get it, I wouldn't worry... I don't think you are raising a future 25 year old who randomly assaults people in the grocery store by grabbing their faces as hard as she can then laughing maniacally

[Khadijah]

my little one is 8months old. He does the same thing. I think he is just testing his strength out.With my ds i just dont let him get close to my face.

[DevaMajka]

Yep seems like you're doing the right thing
I agree with the pp- try to have something that you can redirect her to pinch and squeeze. Try to figure out her reason, or impulse, behind the squeezing- is she experimenting with ways to touch you? then redirect to "gentle touches" (as you are). Is she squeezing because its fun to feel stuff in her hand? give her a stuffed animal or something to squeeze. Mabe even your hand.
Definitely normal stuff. Just keep stopping her from hurting you when you can. Tell her why (even if she doesn't understand now, she will soon), and give her acceptable ways to do what she wants.

[MotherWhimsey]

mine used to do this too. it's one of those annoying phases where you just want someone to tell you the magical way to make it stop, but all anyone will say is "this too shall pass." But the only advice I can think of is keep doing what you're doing and this too shall pass.

[Piglet68]

Yup. It's a stage. I find just being aware of it helps alot. When I pick up my son, for example, I am very careful not to have him facing me, and if I do I am focusing on him intently b/c he has a habit of sinking his teeth into my shoulder, HARD.

ps: motherwhimsey I just love your sig line about peace and virginity, lol!

[Jish]

I think you are on the right track, but my one peice of advice is to not use so many words. Rather than saying "that hurts mommy. You need to be gentle." Try just saying "that hurts" Then follow it up by saying "gentle" and show her a gentle touch. The fewer words you use, the more effective it will be. I'm not saying that you should never speak in sentances, that is how babies learn language, but for discipline and redirection, use only the key words and you will get your point across much more succesfully.

[lilyka]

If it were me I would take it a step further and put her down. if she can't be nice while you are holding ehr then she doesn't get held. You don't need to put her down for ever. a minute or two. after doing this 10 times a day she wil get the point.

i also don't have a problem with saying *stop*. My children have always done better with short consistant explinations and *stop* is something they always understand. I wil say no and squeeze thier hand. not hard enough to hurt. jsut so that they no exactly what part of thier body needs to stop. I swear I am not hurting them. we are talking similar squeeze as "this little piggie" and "got your nose" and "squooshy tooshie". they can tell rfom the look on my face and tone of my voice that this is not a game though. it also removes offending hand from hurting face: bonus. Anyway my kids learn from a very early age that stops means stop what you are doping and be still. explination follows but only after they have stopped. I don't think 7 months is too young to start teaching this.

[BlueStateMama]

I think it is a completely normal developmental stage and no *discipline* is needed. you do have a right to set your own personal boundries, so I would just clearly, gently, and simply state them. "I do not like being pinched, I like being touched gently." (then demonstrate)

She will get it, I wouldn't worry... I don't think you are raising a future 25 year old who randomly assaults people in the grocery store by grabbing their faces as hard as she can then laughing maniacally

ITA. Only I just take her hand in mind and say, "Geeeentle" in my normal voice. My baby is almost 9 months and loves to grab my face and dig in too. I'm lucky, though, in that I usually have forewarning. She always pauses and studies my face first, as if determining where her little hand can get the best grip! If I see that look, I usually take her chubby little hand and give it a big kiss, and then move her out of range!

[BlueStateMama]

i also don't have a problem with saying *stop*. My children have always done better with short consistant explinations and *stop* is something they always understand. I wil say no and squeeze thier hand. not hard enough to hurt. jsut so that they no exactly what part of thier body needs to stop. I swear I am not hurting them. we are talking similar squeeze as "this little piggie" and "got your nose" and "squooshy tooshie". they can tell rfom the look on my face and tone of my voice that this is not a game though. it also removes offending hand from hurting face: bonus. Anyway my kids learn from a very early age that stops means stop what you are doping and be still. explination follows but only after they have stopped. I don't think 7 months is too young to start teaching this.

Could there be a downside, though, to "disciplining" a baby for doing what's developmentally normal? I don't know if there is, myself, but I'm wondering if there could be a negative to limiting how they naturally explore their world. I'm worried they might think the "stop" means not to touch mama.... Maybe I'd be more comfortable with starting this when they're moving more into toddlerhood. I think at this age, babies are still just learning how to control their own bodies!!

[Teakafrog]

My DD is 7 mo old too, and she does this ALL the time. Also pulls my hair a lot (it's long). I just unattach myself from her fingers, and hold her hands (actually let her squeeze my fingers instead of my face). They grow out of it. DS did.

[boatbaby]

You're on the right track.

The 1,247,568th time you say it... it may sink in.

Keep up the good work!

[lilyka]

It never stopped my children from exploring or even slowed them down. And really I don't see what good can come from them exploring in this manner. If they want to explore someones face roughly they can explore thier own. after three or four times they knew that "stop" was related to the pinching (or whatever) since they got a consiestint response every time. It was not done in a punishing way any more than saying "that hurts, touch gentle" it was just a word they were familiar with. they already know the meaning of stop. as well as owie. Usually once i stopped thier hands or feet (the only two likely offenders at that age, they usualy pinched my face, grabbed glasses or kicked my roll while nursing) I would follow it with "that is owie. I don't like it".

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by BlueStateMama

Could there be a downside, though, to "disciplining" a baby for doing what's developmentally normal? I don't know if there is, myself, but I'm wondering if there could be a negative to limiting how they naturally explore their world. I'm worried they might think the "stop" means not to touch mama.... Maybe I'd be more comfortable with starting this when they're moving more into toddlerhood. I think at this age, babies are still just learning how to control their own bodies!!

Yeah, I'd try to be more proactive, instead of relying on the stop thing. I like to keep it positive, so if I see his little mitts coming for my face I just quickly turn and kiss it, or grab it and stroke gently while smiling and saying "Sooo gennttlle." at the same time, or I take both his hands and put them over my eyes to play peek-a-boo. As a GDer, I'm much better at showing what to do, instead of reacting once they've done what they shouldn't, so it works best for me to practice prevention.