Mothers, Please help!

[Kevin]

Thanks for the advice.

[lauraess]

I am so sorry that you and your family is going through this. It honestly seems to me that your wife needs help. Is she on meds? What you describe of her behavior before and after sounds like pre and then post partum depression. sometimes it occurs during pregnancy.
I think you did nothing wrong and were trying to help. Being 'pushed' into difficult and chaotic scenarios brings out the worst in the best men. I myself have witnessed this a few times. I have done the pushing and pushed rather meanly.
I would hope that somehow you can help your wife to find someone to talk to and realize that she was and perhaps still is not thinking rationally. I know this is not easy, I myself have sworn up and down i was rational about certain things, even seeing everyone else's behaviors as wrong.
I hope you can find some peace in this.

[AElaine42]

Find her help and put your baby first at all times. She sounds way off, and obviously her mind is not right. I would definitely be afraid that my baby was in danger if I were you. Please find her help. And if she wasn't willing to admit to anything, I would get a divorce and full custody or your child. It's very difficult when someone that needs help won't take it or even dmit to having a problem. I know I am facing that kind of thing with my dh. Good luck with it all.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

If anything, I think you are taking this way too calmly. She has a history of being willing to make threats against herself and others when she is not happy or getting her way. She has an inability to see others' sides of the issue, or to have much empathy or insight. She's forced you into a role where you have to be worried about her, and taking care of her, all the time. Your needs could not possibly be getting met. There must be times when you feel that you cannot express or share your true emotions, for fear of how she will react. You must have times when you realize you cannot be yourself; that you have to withhold much of your own feelings and needs in order to make sure she stays stable. This is not an equal, healthy, adult relationship.

As your child grows, I cannot imagine she will not also attempt to manipulate the child to meet her own needs.

From the little you have described about your wife, she sounds personality disordered, and maybe bipolar. She needs help; both counseling and possibly medication. If she is resistant to counseling for herself, maybe you could start by trying to get her to go to couples counseling with you. A good counselor will then be able to guide you towards what other resources she needs.