need to vent a little ladies.
I just spent 30 minutes on the phone with my oldest sister. She, of all people enjoys giving me greif about our parenting choices, which include birth.
So she calls me, out of the blue to say how concerned she is for my wellbeing and the baby and that she wishes I would just pack up and go to a hospital to have this baby.
She believes I am taking a big risk by birthing at home.
Of course I come back with my ammo of information- to which she says, "Not everything on the internet is true."
no duh, and not everything on tv, in books, the paper or what your mother tells you is true either. Who is the authoritative information supplier then? No one knows, so we take everything with a grain of salt and put it into perspective.
What if something goes wrong? What if the baby is jaundice, or isn't breathing, or breech, etc?
She hammers me with all this stuff.
So I politely ask her why she is asking these things?
She says because I am making a risky choice here. I say, I feel I would be taking a risk by going to the hospital. She asks why, and again, I tell her about the unsanitary conditions there, and how I don't need a surgeon to give birth, just like I don't need one to crap either.
So- she tells me this- "Back in the day, the average marraige lasted 12 yrs. Why? because most women died in childbirth.- because there were no doctors."
Uhm, where do you get your information? They died because of unsanitary living conditions- not the birth itself, but of infections. And men died, too.
So now I am getting my back up and the claws are coming out. Which is precicely not what I wanted to do. I explained that this is an issue my dh and I have researched for 3 YEARS! and have concluded this is the way we feel our births are to be done.
Now we're getting close to the wound here with her. 1- she's my older sister and I respect her, therefore 2-I don't delve into this subject with her too often because what will happen is 3- I will eventually say that my birth method is the right way and hers was wrong on so many different levels.
She says, just go to the hospital and let them do their thing, then come home with the prize.
She doesn't grasp that birth can be traumatic and extremely violent in the hospital or under any type of management. And I am not talking complications here, just the assumed authority of medical staff imposinth their methods of an "non-mechanical" event is the primary reason we chose not to go to the hospital. And should a problem arise, well, 911 is only a call away.
On the flip side- should a woman choose to birth in a hospital, it should be done because of a complication only AND she should remain in the hospital for a full 2 weeks. WHY? she asks.
Because the obstetrical model of birth is managing from the WRONG end. Birth is not the real concern- but after the birth is the concern- for the mamas well being. Establishing bf, being sure the mama is well taken care of and looked after. Sadly- we get 48-72 hrs to prove we can poop and nurse. Then we are sent on our way to fend for ourselves. UGGGHH!
It makes me crazy. I know I shouldn't be stressing over this but I can't help it- she calls to ask me al lthis then says she's just giving me a hard time-tongue in cheek- well cut it out!!! I say.
Then she says,'I just want to understand your logic, because it seems a very selfish way to satisfy yourself!!'
HUH?!?!! First off, I say- it you want to understand why, it's not going to happen in a 30 min phonecall. Second- dh and I are not doing this for our own self-gratification, but for the well-being on the baby. Birth does not have to be traumatic. And as a physiological event, any and all interference only hinders the process- not help.
By this- my dh says to me,'The OB model works like this-Sorry ma'am but we set your house on fire, but good news! We're the firemen."
No one needs to save me, unless they are the onese who cause the problem, and most of the time they do!
thanks for letting me vent. I appreciate it! And thank you all for all your support and guidance through my journey into enlightenment...
now... time to go off the grid (just to piss her off)